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I returned home after a failed attempt to take my life. It took me kne text to realise that my life is not only mine and i have no right to take it away. I have no right to take away a son, a younger brother and a friend. As i entered my home i was recieved by a slap. It was my cousin. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Where did you go off to at such late in night? Do you have any idea how much aunty is crying?" "Fuck! They found out?" "Obviously genius. What did you think you can leave the house and no one would know?" "I... I... I am sorry" i started to weep. I was an idiot to think i didn't matter to anyone. I knelt and wept. I haven't cried like this in a long time. I don't know, but there is something strangely empowering in being touch with your emotion. They have been suppressed in me for so long. It's really weird how we are taught or more like programmed to ignore or rather disregard such an essential part of us. I started weeping holding my brother. My mom must have heard my brother. She rushed down and embraced me. I stopped myself from crying. She doesn't need to know my pain. She has already been in a lot of pain herself. "Where were you?" My father asked. "I went out for a walk." I replied. They must not know. "A walk at this time of night? Are you crazy?" "I am sorry dad." "Ohh you don't apologize to me. Apologize to your mom." My mom was still crying. "I am sorry maa. I shouldn't have left without saying anything. I should've informed you." "You shouldn't leave your house at this time. With or without permission. That was really irresponsible of you. We were going out to search for you." My uncle said. "Arre, he said na he is sorry. He will not repeat it ever. You wont right?" My brother said. He realised that something is wrong. I would have to come clean to him. "Now you better go and sleep. And you better not run this time." My brother said. "Ohk." We went back into our house. My parents forced me to sleep in their room. And given today's incident i guess i would have to sleel in their room for a few weeks. While laying down on my bed it hit me. I have made a huge mess. I shouldn't have done what i did. Everyone is angry with me. I fucked up huge time. I better atleast try to apologize to my friends. And there was also the issue with my brother. Before i slept i glanced one last time at Pritisha's message. In the morning i was woken up by my phone buzzing. It was my brother. I picked up the phone. "Hello." "Get up and be ready in 5. We are going for a walk." My brother instructed. "But... it's 4:30." I tried to complain. "Its better than being out at 1 in the night. Just get ready or i tell everyone that you were crying and something is wrong with you." Damn, he is a lawyer's son afterall. "Ohk coming." I got up. Informed my mom and my dad and got ready. I went down. My brother was ready on his bike. "I thought we were going on a walk." "Oh we are. Just clkmb aboard." I followed his instructions and sat on the bike. We rode for half an hour in silence. Then he finally asked the question i was waiting for him to ask. "Are you hungry?" "Yeah!" "Did you brush your teeth?" He asked. "What? Yeah, obviously i did." "Ohk then." After 15 more minutes we stopped at a small stall. "Eat what you want. It's my treat." I ordered a plain dosa. He went for the kachori and jalebis. "You know this stuff is not good for you." I tried to break the ice by striking up a conversation. "Says the person who leaves the house at 1 in the night and returns home sobbing." "I wasn't sobbing." My brother gave me a look. "Ohk maybe i was but that was after i saw you." "See it doesn't matter where you were, but atleast tell me that you did not get involved in drugs or stuff." "What? Noo.. no. Its nothing like that." "You know you can tell it to me. I will understand." "It's nothing like that. I am not taking any drugs." I was getting flustered at this point. "Ohk. I will take your word for it. No need to get angry." The rest of our meals was in silence. We stood up and my brother went to the nearby shop. He brought back to cigarettes. He offered one to me. I took it. It's not the first time we would be sharing a cig. We lit it and started walking away from the stall. This time my brother started the conversation. "You know i don't need to know what's going on your life. Well i don't need to know until you yourself want to share it. I know you must have heard this before but in your age its really common to rebel. Heck i skipped school just because  could. But it's important to make sure that none of our close people get damaged. Whatever you do just imagine that the face of your mother. She would be waiting for you everytime you leave your home. Even for college." "Yeah! As if i would be going to a college." "Are you kidding me? You are the smartest and the most brightest kid of our family. You have big things saved up for you in the future. We may not say it but we all know it. See Joy, whatever happened has, you know, happened. It's in the past. It has happened. Don't let your past blackmail your present to ruin a beautiful future." "Seriously? You are quoting dear zindagi?" "Shut up. Tell me what is going on?" "Bhaia, it's really complicated. I dont know how to phrase it." "Arre idiot, i am not asking in that sense. I am asking what is going on right now? What is happening?" "I don't know what do you mean." "See right now we are here right. At this place walking on a road besides a railway track, right? A pleasant wind is blowing. There is a slight sensation of chill in our left hands while or rigbt hands are warmed by the cigrattes. And a conversation is being formed at this moment. Like we are talking, right? See i agree that your past has certain effects on your present and future but it only effects you if you pay attention to it. If your past was bad then let it be. That's the best thing about past right? It has already happened. You have left it behind. Look at it this way. You had friends before right? Then when you moved you left them. You guys are no longer in contact. Now you could've done 2 things at that point. You would have thought that what's the meaning of having friends if you have to eventually leave them and hence you isolate yourself and dont make friends. Or what you can do is wipe that slate clean and be like 'I'll make new friends and it will be better than last time.'" "What are you saying? I am not able to understand." "See what i am saying is that bad things happen. The best you can do about it is learn from them and move on. Your life doesn't stop just because of some incident. It has kept going and it will no matter what had happened."