"Because you stole celestial semen, you, and the fetus are now heaven's belongings"
In this fantasy novel a college student is accosted by a particularly snarky celestial being that accuses her of stealing a heavenly gift from one night of fun.
••••
The club is packed, bodies grinding against each other, you can smell alcohol, sweat, and smoke in the air. Music booming loudly.
I grin widely.
"It's my birthday!" I yell after downing another glass of vodka.
My friends cheer after me, they too downing their glass.
Penelope leans closer to me to whisper-yell in my ear, "You know what would be fun!"
My grin broadens as I shake my head. "No!"
She swallows with a wide smile on her face. "If you take of your top and dance 'baby got back'!" She says, referring to the music that is currently playing.
I burst into laughter at that. "That sounds fucking fun!" I yell back to her.
Michelle grabs my hand, she took bursting into laughter.
"Do it! Do it!" She chants, and the rest of my friends continue.
I maintain my grin, looking up at the ceiling as if I'm thinking it through, then I shake my head.
"No" I drawl.
"Yes!" The fire in unison.
I burst into another fit of laughter, before nodding vigorously.
"Fine I'll do it!" I agree, getting on my feet.
My friends grab my hands, and help particularly woozy self on top the bar counter.
I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung, want to pull up tough
I slowly pull my pink top over my head with a shit eating grin on my face as I do.
My friends cheer for me as the too comes off me, and then I throw it to somewhere, anywhere, I didn't really care, though I think the chuckling bartender caught.
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh baby, I want to get wit'cha And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But with that butt you got makes (me so horny) Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
I roll my waist to the beat of the song, dancing, jumping, and rolling my waist to the lyrics.
You say you want to get in my Benz? Well, use me, use me 'Cause you ain't that average groupie I've seen her dancin' To hell with romancin' She's sweat, wet, Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette I'm tired of magazines Sayin' flat butts are the thing Take the average black man and ask him that She gotta pack much back So, fellas (yeah) Fellas (yeah) Has your girlfriend got the butt? (hell yeah) Tell 'em to shake it (shake it) shake it (shake it) Shake that healthy butt Baby got back (L.A. fits with the Oakland booty)
My friends follow the song, yelling 'shake it, shake it! And I do, shake my booty to the beat of the song, and rolling my waist.
Penelope whistles, and yell, "Write your name with your waist baby!"
I laugh at that, and continue dancing. By the time I'm down from the counter a small crowd has gathered, cheering for me.
I rest my head on Penelope smiling until a strange sensation on my bladder.
"I gotta pee" I whisper to Penelope before getting up the bar stool, and pushing throw the crowd of people, heading for the bathroom.
I feel so strange all over, who knew so much alcohol is this good for your body. I feel like I'm flying, my body feels so light and all my former thoughts that were causing me headaches as well as heartache is gone.
I can most likely jump off a bridge and land on my feet!
"I am invincible!" I yell as I come out of the ladies room only for my smile to disappear when I run into something hard and warm.
My body feels so light that I almost fall after running into the hard, warm boulder that is in front of me.
My hands come up at the boulder. Huh? It's a very warm boulder, it feels very smooth against my palm. I eye the boulder that's clad on a white tee-shirt.
The tee-shirt seems a bit tight on this boulder. Defining all its body muscles. I reach out and touch it's warm muscles.
I giggle softly, I like it's muscles.
Suddenly hands pull mine away from the warm hard muscles and a pout forms on my face.
"Are you okay?" A smooth voice asks, with a foreign accent that makes the voice seem guttural somehow.
I look up at the owner of the voice. Dull, bottled green eyes stare down at my maroon ones. I can feel my pout die and slowly rebirth into a wide smile.
"Hey?" Says the voice.
I yank my hand from his own and bring it up to place on his prominent jaw. I take in the sight of this man with copper red hair that falls at the nape of his neck, styled a side part. Perfectly carved dark eyebrows. Thick, black, curly eyelashes that almost hoods his very dull bottled green eyes.
My fingers trail up to his nose that's perfectly lined down, then slowly bring it down to his plump bow-like red lips.
I bring my eyes up at his eyes, they seems so dull, out of light and it kills my smile, making me pout.
"You're sad" I say to to this strange man.
He blinks, then grab the hand that's on his face.
"Are you okay?" He ignores what I say.
"Why are you sad?" I ask, the pout almost sounding in my voice.
"Are you drunk? Wait did you come here with someone?" He ignores my question and asks.
I smile, and shake my head.
"No" I lie, just so to have him continue being in my presence.
He frowns. "Are you going somewhere?" I shrug at his question.
"Home" Another knowing lie.
"You're going home alone, in this state your in?" Concern shines in his eyes, and I can't help but think how adorable he looks.
I bite my lower lip, and nod.
"Do you even remember where home is?" I nod a little too vigorously as I slump against him.
He is all to quick to grab my waist and hold on to me tight. So warm.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey. Can I take you home?" I look up at him at his question.
Why is he even asking? This is what my night is about, of course my beautiful boulder can take me home!
I nod, laying my head against his chest.
His hands swoop me off my feet, literally, carrying me bridal style.
"You're gonna tell me where your home is okay? I'm Sáint by the way" I hum at the admission.
Sáint boulder. I giggle, I like it.
"I'm Vamperina"