"Kathleeeeeeeeeen!!!!", It was my Yaya Loring shouting my name while walking slowling towards me. Manong Edgar, our family driver for over 40 years was behind her, wearing a broad smile. Yaya Loring immediately wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back tightly.
"Namiss ka namin", she said while trying to hold back her tears. Manong Edgar put his left hand on my shoulder almost teary eyed.
"Namiss ko din po kayo", I responded. I was not able to hold my tears back. Masaya akong makita sila ulit after 2 years of staying in Singapore where my parents live. Si Yaya Loring at Manong Edgar na ang halos nagpalaki sa akin since my parents had to move to Singapore for good to watch over our furniture business when I was just 15 years old.
Yaya Loring unwrapped her arms from me then held my hand and we started walking.
"Akin na 'yan, Kay", Manong Edgar said while reaching for my duffle bag. He was already pushing the cart where the rest of my stuff were.
"Kaya ko na po 'to, 'Nong", I responded.
He shook his and insisted, "Mukhang mabigat iyan e. Sigurado ako pagod ka sa byahe". I handed him my bag. He gave a warm smile.
Yaya Loring was just staring at me the time we were walking towards where the car was parked.
"Yaya, huwag po kayong magaalala. Hindi na po ako ulit aalis", I said as I leaned my head on hers.
"Ang laki ng pinayat mo, Kathleen. Di bale nagluto ako ng Kare-Kare", she said excitedly.
"Naku. Namiss ko po ang Kare-Kare nyo, Yaya", I responded.
May almost 3 hours din yung travel time from NAIA to Alabang given rush hour at Friday pa. As I stepped inside our house, I took a deep breath and looked around. "I am home".
"Miss Kay, Welcome back po!", si Stella. Apo sa pamangkin ni Yaya Loring. Isa sya sa mga scholars ng kompanya ng mga magulang ko.
I walked towards her and hugged her. "Thank you, Lelay. Kamusta ka?", I asked.
She hugged me back and said, "Maayos po, Miss Kay. Medyo nagiging busy na sa pagaaral.
"Kayang kaya mo yan. Ikaw pa ba. Basta kapag kailangan mo ng tulong, magsabi kalang sa'kin. Okay?", I said.
Sabay kaming naglakad papuntang dining area. Si Yaya Loring busy na sa paghahain ng makakain namin. I sat at my usual place sa dining table. It really felt home. Just like the old times.
We all enjoyed our late dinner. Kwentuhan. Tawanan. I felt guilty for leaving them 2 years ago. Feeling ko naging unfair ako sa kanila. But at the back of my mind, I think that was the bravest move I have ever done in my entire existence. I needed that break. I needed to get away. Had I not done that, siguro lugmok na lugmok pa din ako. In 2 years, I can say that I was able to gain some things that I lose without asking the person who took it to give it back.
After dinner, nagpaalam na ako kila Yaya Loring. I went upstairs and opened the door of my room. It was the same room I left. As if I was never gone. As I walked inside, my eyes wander and caught the picture frame on the side table. It was a picture of Champ and I taken during our El Nido trip 3 years ago. I smiled. Masaya kami dati. Sobrang saya. Everyone was saying na kulang nalang e ikasal kami. Kaya nung nalaman kong niloloko nya ako. I kept asking myself why. ---
--FLASHBACK (2 years ago)--
08:30 AM
"Ingat po, Miss Uy", Si Kuya Ver. Security guard ng kompanyang pinagtatrabahuan ko. I worked for a BPO Company as an HR Generalist. It was just a 30 minutes drive from our house. Ito yung una kong trabaho after graduating from college. It was the same company where I had my OJT. May 8 months na din akong nagtatrabaho. Nakapagadjust na ang body clock ko sa graveyard na shift (11pm-8am MNL).
"Salamat, Kuya Ver. Ingat din ho kayo mamaya paguwi nyo," I smiled while I zipping my bag.
I walked towards the parking lot. As I was trying to open my car's door, my phone rang. It was Champ. Champ Gonzaga. His real name was Pio Marcial Gonzaga. Champ was the nickname he gained when we were in Grade School. Jack of all traits kasi. He was into everything. Sports, academics and all those stuff. We were inseparable. Bestfriends kami during Grade School then became an item before we graduated from High School. Nung college, I took up AB Psychology in DLSU-Taft and he took up Conservatory of Music in UST. And now, he's the lead singer of an underground band.
"Goodmorning, Mr. Gonzaga", I answered.
"Goodmorning, Ms. Uy", he responded and I laughed.
"Baby, can we have our dinner tonight moved? We were asked to take Janus' set tonight. Promise, babawi ako", he said. I imagined his facial expression while saying this. Paawa effect which always work.
"Oo naman", I responded. Though medyi nalungkot ako. Two weeks na kasing atrasado yung dinner na yun. The past few weeks, we have been very busy. Lagi syang may out of town gigs with his band and I work graveyard.
"Yes. Thank you, baby. Talk to you later!", he said.
"Alright, I -," I was about to say I love you to him but he hang up. I felt bad. He's growing colder each day. Matagal ko ding tinitigan ang cellphone ko, thinking that he would call back and say "I love you" but he never did. Naisip ko na baka ako lang yung nagiisip ng ganun. Baka busy lang talaga sya and that I should still be thankful dahil he still find time to call me. "Nothing's wrong, Kay. Mahal ka ni Champ. Masaya ka at masaya s'ya sayo", I thought.
10PM
I woke up from a deep sleep. I rolled over and reached for my phone that was sitting on the bedside table. I was expecting a missed call from Champ or atleast a text message but I didn't receive any. Napaupo ako bigla. I tried calling him but to no avail. I sent a text message "baby?" but got no reply. "Baka busy. Baka tumutugtog pa. Baka napasarap sa inom." I kept on thinking of those excuses to make me feel better.
I decided to go downstairs. Nagutom ako. 10 hours akong tulog. The last time I ate was at 10am. I went straight to the kitchen and check for food in the refridgerator. "Hindi naman ako mabubusog sa cake", I uttered as I opened the fridge and saw a triple chocolate cake. At dahil punong puno ako ng energy, I decided to go out and drive to Yellowcab na open 24 hours sa may Madrigal.
- 10:45 PM | Madrigal Avenue, Alabang, Muntinlupa City -
As entered Yellowcab, I saw a familiar face na nakaupo sa may pinakaunang table. It was Camille Uytingco. Classmate namin ni Champ nung High School. She waved at me and signed to come over her table. I smiled and walked towards her. She was with her cousin, Ella which is also our batchmate. She stood up and hugged me.
"How are you, Girl?", she asked. Nagbeso kami. Ella stood up to give me a kiss on the cheek.
"I'm okay naman. Kayo ba?", I said.
"Okay naman kami. Dito ka ba kakain? if yes, umorder kana at magchikahan tayo", Camille said.
I smiled and went to the counter to order some food. I ordered pasta alfredo and sola apple flavor for my drinks. I went to the table where Camille and Ella were seated.
Nagkamustahan. Nagkwentuhan. May mga kwento si Camille about our other batchmates na ngayon ko lang nalaman. She was the chikadora of our batch. Not necessarily chismosa. Marami lang talaga syang kaibigan or should I say trusted sources.
Few minutes later, the crew was walking towards our table with my order. I started eating while Camille was still telling stories. I reached for my drink and while I was trying to open it, Camille asked, "Kay, maiba ako. How are you holding up?".
"Huh?, I got confused with Camille's question.
"I mean, yung sa inyo ni Champ. Nakamove on ka na ba?", she tried to elaborate her question but I was still confused.
"Why would I move on, e hindi naman kami nagbreak. Naku, Cams. Yung source mo, hindi credible ah", I answered trying to laugh.
"Ang akala ko break na kayo", she was puzzled, she turned to look at Ella.
"Bakit at Paano mo naman nasabi yan, Cams?", I asked. I put down the fork and tried to chew what was in my mouth.
She hesistated.
"Camille!", naiinis na ako.
"Girl, hindi ko 'to sasabihin dahil gusto kong masira si Champ sa'yo. Sasabihin ko 'to dahil kaibigan kita and that I care for you," she paused and took a deep breath. She held my hand. "I saw Champ with Julia. Julia, yung lead singer ng isang band. Last week lang. Pinsan ni Janus. Kilala mo?".
I shook my head. I chose not to say a word. I was waiting for her to tell me the whole story. Then, I remembered na last week, he moved our dinner date kasi daw may biglaang meeting na sinet yung record label na gustong silang kunin as their new artists.
"They were all over each other. I mean, PDA", she continued. "Ella saw them as well. Sa may Century Mall sa Makati Avenue, the other day lang. Kaya akala ko, wala na kayo. Wala na din kasing updated photo sa Instagram. Kaya, ayun".
It was all making sense now. All of his excuses, yung pagiging cold niya sa'kin. Lahat yun nagawa nya sa'kin 'cause he's cheating on me. Naiyak nalang ako sa sobrang sakit. I stood up and walked out of the door. I heard Camille calling out my name but I ignored her. I was not mad at her. Why would I? I just didn't know how to handle the situation. I drove home carelessly. Nakita ko si Yaya Loring na papunta sa kusina from her room, she saw me crying. I ran upstairs and went to my room. Few minutes later, she was knocking at my door.
"Yaya, gusto kong mapagisa", I struggled to sah those words. She didn't say a word. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
The Next Morning (Saturday)
It was already past 11 am. I can feel the heaviness of my eyes. I stared blankly at the ceiling amd then tears fell again. Hind ko mapigilan ang pagiyak sa sobrang sakit. Iniisip ko kung ano ang pagkukulang ko. Baka may nagawa akong mali. Baka naghanap na siya ng iba dahil nangungulila sya.
Soft knocks on my bedroom's door broke the silence. It was Stella.
"Miss Kay?".
I stood up and walked towards the door. I took a deep breath before turning the knob open. I can tell that Stella was shock upon seeing me.
"Miss Kay, ano pong nangyari?", she asked. She sounded worried. It was the first time she saw me like this. Well, it was the first time I cried like this.
I didn't answer her instead I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and cried. She placed her hand on my back.
"Miss Kay", she said softly.
I saw Yaya Loring approaching slowly. Her eyes were just pinned on me. She looked very worried.
"Ano ba'ng nangyari, Kathleen?", she asked.
I unwrapped my arms on Stella's shoulder and tried to wipe the tears away. I looked down and said, "Niloloko po ako ni Champ". Napaiyak na naman ako. The pain was just too much for me.
"Hija", Yaya Loring hugged me. "Iiyak mo lang lahat, anak. Mawawala din lahat ng sakit. Pero hindi mo naman pwedeng pabayaan ang sarili mo. Baka ka magkasakit nyan".
I moved back and tried to stand still. I nod as my response.
"Halika na't kumain. Nagluto ako ng Sinigang. Tamang tama sa malamig na panahon," aya ni Yaya Loring. I smiled and looked at them. Wala man ang mga magulang ko sa panahong ito, meron naman ako Yaya Loring at Lelay. Pati si Manong Edgar.
I just realized that it was pouring outside. Akala ko feeling ko ang gloomy, yung weather din pala. I barely touched my food. Gustong kumain ng tiyan ko pero ayaw ng utak ko.
"Kay", si Manong Edgar.
"Po?", I looked at him.
"Kumain ka, anak. Sige na", I see my father in him. Parehas sila ng ugali. Tahimik pero nagmamatiyag sa mga nangyayari sa paligid.
Sinubukan kong kumain. Napilit ko naman. Naubos ko yung pagkain na nilagay ni Yaya Loring sa plato ko. After I finished my food, I stood up.
"Akyat na po muna ako", paalam ko.
They all just looked at me.
I went upstairs and sat on my bed. I saw my phone sitting on the bedside table. I haven't checked since I got home from Yellowcab. I grabbed it. I got 15 missed calls - 3 calls from Mom, 2 calls from Camille and the rest from Champ. "Baka alam na nya'ng alam ko na niloloko nya ako", I thought. I got a lot of text messages, too. Mostly came from Champ and 2 from Camille (1st text- Kay, I'm sorry. 2nd text - Girl? ). Texts from Champ were just "Babe?", "Kay?". "Serioulsy? May 2 weeks na tayong hindi nagkikita tapos ganyan ang mga texts mo?", I thought. Naiinis ako na naiiyak.
I decided not to respond. I was too tired to deal with them. But I felt the need to atleast text Camille. So, I did. "Cams. You dont have to say sorry. Wala ka namang ginawang mali. Thank you for telling me what you know". I typed then had it sent.
I was about to put my phone down when it rang again. It was Champ. I declined it. Few minutes later, he sent me text (Ano bang problema mo?).
I laughed to myself.
Bakit ba hindi ko pa sagutin? Para matapos na. Ang tanong kaya ko na bang marinig lahat? Kaya ko na ba syang kausapin? Kaya ko ba? I let out a sigh. Hindi pa ako handa. Pero kelan pa?
Nahiga ako ulit sa kama. I stared at the ceiling. "What if I just ghost on him? Yeah, he deserve that. No, I am not going away for him. I am doing this for myself. But how will I ghost on him?". Light bulb appeared in my head. "Singapore!".