|Innaya|
How do you define the feelings you get, while sitting on the bed on your marriage night when all you have done is to run away from the mere mention of the word marriage, always? Realising now there is someone, you are going to share everything with. How one, is expected to behave while being put in the spot, which always has been carefully avoided?
'I have been running away,
Cocooning in my mother's arms,
Avoiding the hindering realities,
Being the little girl, hers I was,
The Present is changed, so will future,
Now after, being tied to someone,
I am confused how I will cope up!
'
-
I wondered as I sat on the bed decorated beautifully with rose petals, dressed in beautiful red and golden lehenga, my wedding dress, in Eshan's room waiting for him. We got married earlier today in the very simple manner in the temple, with very few of our close people present for the ceremony. Eshan had proposed this idea of small-scale function, much to my delight saying it would be more convenient, given the limited time we had and grand reception could be arranged later.
After the ceremony ended, Eshan drove us to the mansion they had here in Bangalore that much surprisingly, was at half an hour distance from my maternal home. His whole family residing in Delhi, he living in Mumbai for handling his business and they having the mansion in Bangalore was very confusing.
Footsteps approaching towards our bedroom as he had reprimanded me twice earlier had my full attention, retrieving me from my wandering thoughts. My fingers curled at my side crushing those rose petals scattered innocently everywhere in little apprehension. The uncertainty of what lay ahead had me erupt in cold sweat.
"Innaya," I heard his cautious voice, coming from the other side of the bed.
I looked up, thinking about what had caused him to be uncertain. My eyes met with his eyes that held, concern in them. I waited for him to continue while maintaining our eye contact.
"Are you alright?"
I nodded, little apprehensively. What happened to him?
"Are you sure? You look pale?" He questioned again while sitting on the far end of the bed.
'All the thinking and nervousness must have taken a toll. The stress always has made me sick'. I sensed a headache starting to make an appearance.
"Yes. It's nothing, I am just tired," I answered avoiding the real reason.
"Hmm... okay, why don't you change and then sleep. It has been a long day." He suggested still unsure about my answer.
Nodding, I left for bathroom taking my night suit from my bags that were still packed and kept near dressing table.
*
Spending around one hour in the bathroom, for taking off the heavy dress and jewellery and then afterward for bathing, I came out wearing my white knee-length cotton kurti and grey slacks as I realized I could not delay more. I just hoped Eshan would have slept.
My hopes crashed as I saw Eshan dressed in white T-shirt and grey pants sitting on the grey wooden recliner kept on the left side of the bed, engrossed in working on his laptop. He looked up in my direction as the bathroom door closed behind me, giving me smile that I returned. Thank God, I applied moisturizer inside bathroom itself, how would I have done it in front of him.
I sat on the right side of the bed taking my medicine pouch with me. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Eshan keeping the laptop away and coming towards me. 'Please do not ask about medicines... Please don't... Please... Please!' I desperately prayed with closed eyes. I didn't want to explain him anything, at least for time being.
"Here, drink this. You will feel better."
I opened my eyes, and saw him with a mug in his hand.
I sighed in relief, as he did not ask anything.
"Sorry, I don't drink coffee." I denied hoping he would agree.
"I know. It's tea with turmeric, milk, ginger, and a jaggery. It'll reduce your headache so no need of taking any medicine." He noticed my medicines but assumed wrong. I was not taking them for a headache. Now I could not deny or else he will ask about them.
"Thank you!" Taking mug from him, I brought it near my lips. The strong spicy aroma of ginger and turmeric hit my nostrils, awakening my taste buds. I took a sip relishing the taste of the warm, sweet, and spicy liquid. I closed my eyes enjoying the tea, a soft moan of satisfaction left my lips.
I opened my eyes once I realized that I finished the whole mug, only to gasp in surprise. Eshan stood at his same position, with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at me with an amused expression on his face. Oh God, I totally forgot about Eshan. How embarrassing!
His honey brown eyes stared intensely at me with adoration, care, and something close to desire?
I cleared my throat awkwardly, watching him unmoving and unable to bear his gaze.
"Umm...Good night Eshan... and thank you for the tea." I added softly.
"Wait," he stopped me, coming out of whatever trance he was lost in, leaning towards me.
'Does he want to claim his husbandly right? Oh God, what am I going to do now?'
"Here," he said picking up the box, wrapped in cream colour gift wrapping paper from the bed, that was beside me complete time.
'Innaya, why do you always have to assume wrong things?'
"What's this?" I asked confused.
"Gift"
"Why?"
"Because I want to and now enough of your interrogation and open this." He pushed gift towards me, taking now empty mug from my hands.
"Okay... Thank you!" Curiosity got better of me, and I started unwrapping the gift.
Eshan's phone started ringing from the recliner he earlier was sitting on. "Excuse me, I'll be back. You please carry on." Picking up his phone, Eshan walked towards sliding glass door of balcony after excusing himself.
I unwrapped the paper only to gasp in surprise, as I come across the box full of multicolour glass bangles.
"Wow! Beautiful!" I exclaimed in admiration, "Glass bangles, and my favourite."
I brought my palm to touch them carefully. I caught a glimpse of paper neatly folded tucked in a corner of the box. Setting aside the box on the side table, I unfolded the paper and noticed beautifully handwritten lines. I took a glance at the balcony and saw Eshan busy in conversation with someone on his mobile, his back towards me. I started reading wondering why to put the paper instead of directly talking.
*
"Your eyes have a spark,
Like a light shining in the dark,
The innocence of a child,
I can feel it in your smile,
It's a different world you have stepped in,
Just don't forget it's me whom you are with,
Dear, just don't be afraid, I am there,
Hold my hand if you fear,
The glass symbolizes my promise,
You will be treasured all my life,
Transparency and care,
Yet the shielding armor,
I promise to be the friend you need!
I promise to be the support you seek!
I promise to make you happy!
Like this colorful gift,
I promise to make our life exquisite!
-
Eshan
*
I was speechless once I finished reading. How thoughtful of him. Instead of gifting me something expensive, he just made the small glass bangles priceless with his words.
'Am I ready to let him, in? Am I ready to share my deepest secrets, hidden fear, and unvoiced feelings with him?'
My eyes on their own accord went to Eshan. He stood leaning against railings facing me, staring intently at me still on call, with searching expression on his face. Was he all the time watching me?
I gave him smile expressing my gratitude for his efforts, mouthing the word, "Thank You!"
Eshan returned the smile nodding in my direction.
I roamed my fingers once again over the page before folding it back and keeping it inside the box and closing its lid.
Laying down I adjusted pillow behind my head. Closing my eyes, I recalled events of today and waited for sleep to come.
Tablet I took before opening Eshan's gift, while he went to the balcony, should be starting to work soon, helping me fall into nightmare-free sleep. I hoped it work. I have avoided taking them knowing of their side effects and also because of the fact, that Mom and Granny's room was downstairs and they couldn't see my condition while I suffered from nightmares. Now knowing that I would be living with Eshan, I had to get pills for my PTSD.
'I'm not ready to let him know about it, yet.' While thinking about it, at some part of time medicine kicked in and sleep overtook my senses. I slept forgetting that, Eshan still stood outside in the cold night.