I write this as I smoke toady late at night alone with my thougts. I realised why I can not quit, it is quite simple to me now. I have realised that smoking is something that helps me with the kind of life I have been living so far, alone and emotionless (as empty as it can be) .

I believe it is intimacy and sharing of emotions that I don't quite frankly feel comfortable with in my life, but now that I've understood this I want to make amends, not because I want to so badly but because I need to. To live a wholesome life ahead I believe one must have love in life and happiness, because without these life is simply meaningless and boring, therefore quitting smoking is not something I only really want to do but is something I need to do, to live happily without the constant urge to suppress the most amazing and fascinating emotions by smoking a cigarette that in return turns my insides black.

The only thing to remember is that habits can be broken as easily as they can be picked up.