Tristan was stumbling to find his words, opening his mouth only to close it afterward. Jake didn't rush the child and patiently waited as he gently stroked his back. He knew how hard it could be to share scary dreams with others. He, himself, never willingly disclosed them to anyone but his diary. He'd planned to carry them to his grave, but some people just had to dig out the skeletons in his closet and confront him about his past. Nightmares brought one's fears up to the surface, and talking about them was like baring yourself for all to see.
"This time, I—" Tristan stopped mid-sentence, pursing his lips. He buried his head in his brother's chest a bit more. His voice came out muffled as he continued, "I dreamed of that time you, Misha, and I were locked up."
A pang of searing pain coursed through Jake's body. After the kidnapping incident, Tristan behaved like always, almost as if it had never happened in the first place. Jake put this lack of reaction on his little brother's cold nature and didn't think much of it, but how could a child be alright after such a frightening incident? Again, Jake couldn't help but laugh at himself. Just how much had his trauma blinded him? The kid had only been pretending to be fine.
But before Jake could say anything to comfort him, Tristan went on.
"It's just that, in that dream, I'm not myself. It's like, I see everything from a third-person point of view. Or maybe I should say that I see everything from the masked man's point of view. I—" Tristan paused for a few seconds. He took a deep breath before carrying on, "I drag you by the arm through an empty corridor to another room. There's a blue plastic sheet on the floor and scalpels on a metal plate beside it. I look around and tell the men seated at a table to give us some private time before throwing you on the plastic sheet. You glare and scoff at me, saying that I have bad taste. And then, and then…."
The child's voice cracked, and the words that came out of his mouth turned into something akin to gibberish. The syllables were too broken to be understood, yet they echoed inside Jake's mind. It felt like cold water had been poured over his head, making him shiver from head to toe. He could scarcely believe his ears, but though shocked, he forced himself to speak and kiss his brother's forehead.
"It's OK, you don't need to say more. I got the gist of it."
The details were too close to reality to allow Jake to delude himself. This dream seemed to reflect the other Tristan's memory of when he gouged out his eye. He could not help but wonder if his little brother was affected by the presence of his older self. Perhaps. Two people existing simultaneously in the same timeline should never have happened. It was bound to create a conflict. This dream might be one of the many consequences that were to come.
"But," Tristan sniffled, "that's not even the worst part! There are thoughts flowing through my head, things I would never, ever think about! I'm finding your reactions interesting and funny! It's like I have absolutely no feelings. You're bleeding and crying, and I don't care! I'm just observing you and wondering why you suggested switching places with "your little brother" and why you're going through so much pain for him. I'm telling myself that you shouldn't have, that you should have been happy to watch "your little brother" get wrecked. After all, "your little brother" deserves it. I—"
Jake interrupted Tristan, cupping his cheeks to lift his face and look into his eyes. Then, in a firm yet gentle tone, he said, "These thoughts aren't yours. Please don't listen to them and don't let them sway you. It's the guilt that is talking, and never, ever think that you deserve to be hurt in my place. You haven't done anything wrong. And more than anything, I know you're not unfeeling. Aren't you crying right now, hm?"
Coaxing words flew out of Jake's mouth until Tristan calmed down. Finally, the sobbing subsided, and the child's heavy breathing steadied. Only then did Jake dare ask something that had been bothering him.
"I may poke where it hurts, but earlier, you said "this time". Does this kind of dream often happen?"
The kid's body, which had just relaxed, tensed again. He bit his lips but still nodded. His voice was barely audible as he confessed, "I have nightmares in which you get hurt almost every night. I don't remember when it started exactly. I know they weren't common at first, but they gradually began to haunt my nights more and more until they appeared every time I went to sleep. You're always bloody in those dreams. I stopped counting how many times people beat you up or how many times mom ridiculed you. Once, crickets were even shoved down your throat until you couldn't breathe and had to go to the hospital. And I was laughing in that dream…!"
Tristan choked up, and the tears he had barely managed to hold back trailed down his cheeks again, wetting his brother's hands. However, Jake barely registered the wet sensation. In fact, he almost burst out laughing out of derision. How could he have been so foolish? He wasn't special enough to be the only one plagued with the memories of his past lives. Why did he never think that his little brother, who shared his blood, would go through the same thing? The difference between them was that he was old enough to understand what those dreams and feelings meant but not Tristan. He was only a kid who loved and idolized his brothers. Yet, he had to see himself hurt Jake every night. And in those dreams, Gabriel didn't even exist, for he had long left the house.
Fears and uncertainties started to grip Jake's heart. Tristan was a child now, but he'd grow up soon enough. With the memories of his past lives, would he become the monster he knew so well? Jake could not help but think of the worst-case scenario, and he suddenly didn't know what to do, much less what to say to the kid crying in his arms.
Just as his thoughts were about to spiral out of control, Jake felt the soft caress of a thumb stroking his hip. The racing thoughts calmed down, and his rationality came back. Right, he wasn't alone right now. He had someone supporting him. Although this certain someone was an oddball, having him by his side was nonetheless reassuring.
Jake wasn't surprised that Stephan was awake. He was a light sleeper, and they hadn't exactly been quiet. Gabriel was the weird one, not waking up despite the ruckus they were causing.
Until now, Stephan had been kind enough to pretend to be asleep. He only made himself known when Jake lost control, gently reminding him that things were different from his past lives. For starters, wasn't he here?
"…Why are you always getting hurt in my dreams?" Tristan sobbed harder. "I don't want you to be hurt! I want to protect you! So why am I always hurting you in my dreams?!"
Having snapped out of his daze, Jake could hear his brother's voice again. And then, realization struck him. Tristan wasn't being childish when he demanded to sleep with his brothers; he wanted to see them and make sure Gabriel wasn't gone and Jake wasn't hurt after waking up in the middle of the night. It was hard to differentiate these dreams from reality, and Tristan needed to find his brothers by his side as he woke to alleviate the anxiety. Jake had almost gone crazy at one point, having no one to rely on while facing his past. It was no wonder the child clung to them.
"Tristan, these dreams are only nightmares," Jake said. He took a second to push aside the nagging voice in his mind and added, "they won't ever happen in real life. I know you will never hurt me."
The boy sniffled and let out a sound of agreement. Jake then hugged his little brother, pressing his head in the crook of his neck. He lulled him to sleep, just as he often did with his children after a bad dream.
While humming a soothing song, a cold light flashed in Jake's green eye. The other Tristan had said to bring his younger self to the hospital in his teen years, or he feared he'd end up like him. Jake didn't know what he meant by that and honestly didn't trust the man, but if there were a chance, no matter how small, that his Tristan would stay as lovable as he currently was, he would seize it. Unbeknownst to him, this cute, clingy little brother had wormed his way into his heart at one point, and he did not want to lose him.
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Edited by Clozed! ♥
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