After dropping Misha at his school, Gabriel returned home and went upstairs to Jake's bedroom. He knocked briefly, then opened the door. His eyes landed on the bed where Jake was sitting cross-legged, reports piled high on his lap. His brother didn't even lift his head when he entered, too busy flipping through the pages.
"That's not what I call resting," Gabriel sighed, closing the door behind him before tilting his head toward Stephan, who was languidly lying on the bed beside Jake. "That's resting."
"Hm, I feel fine enough to work, don't worry. But man, I really can't find any loophole in these documents. It's frustrating."
Gabriel's mouth twitched before he bent over and snatched the reports, tossing them on the night table. He ignored Jake's cry of protest and crossed his arms, looking down on his brother with a mother-like-stern kind of gaze. Was it really that hard to lie in bed and rest? Stephan was doing it just fine!
"It hasn't even been a week since the incident," Gabriel admonished. "Whatever you say, you need rest. You haven't slept well since then, and honestly, you seem about to collapse."
"And I'm telling you that I'm fine."
"Well, that's not what your dark circles are saying. You look like a panda, a sleep-deprived panda."
"…"
Jake made a face. Fine. His sleep was a little restless and nightmares were plaguing his nights, but so what? Doing nothing was driving him nuts! He might as well use his time on something meaningful and keep his mind distracted. Yes, reading was tiring out his eye and making his head throb in pain, but it did make him feel better in some other way. Busying himself with combing through reports, searching for faults and whatnot, allowed him not to think. At such times, the frightful sight of the scalpel nearing his eye wasn't haunting him, nor did he have to face things he didn't want to face yet. He could—
"New eye patch?" Gabriel asked, noticing Jake was getting lost in thought. It successfully snapped him out of his daze. "It suits you."
"Thanks, I guess."
"It's from me!" Stephan singsonged as he raised a hand to draw their attention to him. "I even made it. I did a wonderful job, didn't I?"
"Yes, yes, you did," Gabriel placated. "Anyway, has Angela passed by?"
"No, she hasn't. And she probably won't before a while," Jake shook his head. "Right now, her priority is Tristan. She's all over him, and knowing her, she won't leave his side for weeks. This episode has scared her out of her wits."
"No offense, but I kind of want to throw your mom out of the window," Stephan snorted. "You're the one with a gouged-out eye, and yet she only came to see you once. Heck, she opened the door, saw my face, and then left, saying nothing! What kind of human trash does that?!"
"You know you're rubbing salt into the wound?"
"…Sorry."
"Hm, I like that apologetic face of yours. How about making it more often?" Jake smiled coolly, side-glancing at the man who was still lying beside him. "But don't worry, I've long gotten used to it. She has always been a heartless mother, whether in this life or my previous ones. Tristan is the only one she thinks of as a son, and I am but the tool she can discard at will."
Jake shrugged, his face indifferent. His past selves had long given up trying to win his mother's affection, and he was no exception in this life. He might have wanted to gain it as a foolish teenager, but he was too old now. He could tell right from wrong and wouldn't be swept by her words. Not anymore.
"Also…" Jake's voice trailed as he lifted his eye to Gabriel. He pinched his lips before continuing, "I've always wanted to apologize for all the hurtful things I've said."
Gabriel shook his head. "Don't. Just don't. As a child and as a teenager, there was nothing you could do except that. Your words were hateful, yes, but they opened my eyes, making me see who Angela truly was early on. With this in mind, it put me on guard. You made it so that I wouldn't fall prey to her little schemes, and for that, I'm grateful. So, really, there's no need for apologies."
"How can you say that? You read the diaries, so you know…."
"And? You were going through hell yourself. Even if your words did carry a hint of pent-up frustration and jealousy, they also sought to keep me away from you and Angela. The method you used doesn't matter. Not to me, at least."
"But—!"
"It doesn't matter. I do share our father's coldheartedness, and for me, all methods are good as long as you get the result you want. You should know it by now, shouldn't you?"
"Yeah, I do," Jake grimaced, unknown memories popping in his mind.
Gabriel gave up everything to protect Misha and his family in both past lives, although it didn't end very well in the first life. Whereas in the second… Sigh. Better not think about it.
Jake glanced askance at his brother, then seemed to hesitate. In the end, however, he didn't speak again. At first, he wanted to confess that it had been hard to differentiate the emotions born from his persona from his own back in his younger days—heck, even now, it was still difficult. Only, it sounded like excuses. So, he didn't say it.
Since he was old enough to think, he had repeatedly told himself that the Jake his mother wanted felt like this, thought of this, would do this and that in this or that situation. He repeated it so much in his mind to make sure he wouldn't do any mishap in front of her that it had become second nature, enough that he'd sometimes wonder what his real feelings were. At one point, he couldn't tell who he truly was and would often get too immersed in the role he had created, almost as if possessed. Then, once night fell, he'd think back on the day and fear what he had become.
What happened in the shopping mall was a good example. He didn't want to give himself away in front of Misha and his brother, so he had entered his persona. As minutes went by, his mind was slowly swallowed by his act, and he even began to bicker with the clerk, losing sight of his surroundings. When he came back to his senses, Misha and Tristan were gone.
Honestly, he had been scared shitless at the time. Not only because his mother would give him hell on earth if she were to learn about the incident, but also because he feared something would happen to Misha. It had been difficult to muster any worry for his brother, however. He blamed the trauma of his past lives for this. Yep. Definitely.
"You're getting lost in thought again," Gabriel shook his head.
"Well, I do have a lot on my mind."
"I bet you do," Stephan snickered. "Oh yeah, I've been wanting to ask, but doesn't it bother you? That Misha is nursing you as if you were downright disabled. I always thought you were the prideful kind, so your indulgence honestly feels weird."
Since Misha had decided to become his caretaker, Jake hadn't complained even once. He did tell him he didn't want to eat but never shooed him away. Instead, he let him do whatever he wanted, silently watching him flutter about. Sometimes, a faint smile also seemed to hang on his lips.
"Quite frankly, what Misha does isn't embarrassing at all," Jake scoffed, "when compared to having a nurse bath you and change your diapers, that is."
Jake had lived well over 90 years old and passed his last few years in assisted living facilities in both past lives. He could barely do anything by himself after reaching a certain age, and whether he liked it or not, he had to learn to accept other people's care. Misha's behavior would perhaps have irked him if he hadn't had the memories of his time in such facilities. But much to his displeasure, he remembered fairly well how young women almost 70 years younger than him used to change his diapers and wipe his ass… It was one of the many things he'd like to forget—Misha helping him urinate in the basement was also one of these things. After living for so long twice and embarking on his third life, the list of embarrassing things he experienced was quite long.
So, yeah, he didn't mind Misha's nursing one bit. Besides, if taking care of his needs made the teenager feel better, then he might as well let him nurse him. Have fun, kid.
"I hope I won't live that long," Stephan coughed after a while, stifling a laugh. "Anyway, I'm surprised your parents let Misha come and go as he pleases."
"Well," Gabriel smiled, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "He might or might not have lashed out at Matthew and Angela, saying things like since they didn't know how to take proper care of their eldest son, he'd do it himself. If they're not happy with that, he'll just go around telling everyone what happened; he'd keep his mouth shut if they allowed him to nurse Jake back to health. Otherwise..."
"I can imagine that scene, for some reason. Won't your parents retaliate, however? I'm sure they don't like being threatened in any way."
"I talked to them afterward, don't worry. Anyhow, Matthew is too busy to care, while Angela only thinks of Tristan. So, it gives us a bit of leeway."
"How is Tristan faring, by the way?" Jake asked awkwardly, a complex look on his face. "I haven't seen him since then."
"He's faring quite well, actually. He's frustrated his toy was broken in the fray, but otherwise, he's doing fine. Sometimes, kids can be fearfully resilient, so don't worry too much about him."
To this, Jake said nothing. Instead, an unfathomable expression flashed across his face as he averted his eye. Whether Tristan was a resilient kid or something else was up to debate, but he wouldn't bring it up for now. Gabriel and Misha were close to Tristan in this life, so perhaps things wouldn't go in the same direction as they did in their previous lives. With how much Gabriel and Misha spoiled and loved Tristan, Jake could not help but hope that things would turn out differently. This time, perhaps his little brother wouldn't grow up into a monster.
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Edited by Clozed!
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Author has something to say: SD will celebrate its third year anniversary next month! I can't believe I've been writing this story for so long... So, for the occasion, there's an event going on in my discord to win keychains, pin badges, and stickers! I still haven't received the goodies, but here is the drawing below (I'll post the image in the comments)! If you wanna participate, feel free to join us on my discord!