Once there were no tears left to shed, Misha painfully became aware of the situation he was in; he had been silently crying in Gabriel's arms for who knows how long, sobbing against his chest and dirtying his shirt with snot and tears. Yet, Gabriel said nothing and gently stroked his back up and down without rest.
As soon as the realization struck, Misha's cheeks started to burn, his face turning bright red. What was he doing, wailing like a goddamn baby?! This was so shameful!
Before his transmigration, Misha wasn't the kind to cry easily. After his sister's death, it was as though he had forgotten how to shed tears, only crying again after being reunited with his mother. But at the time, his tears were out of joy, not out of guilt and sorrow. Who wouldn't be brought to tears after meeting with a loved one they had thought lost forever? Unless they were an unfeeling robot, there was no way they wouldn't react emotionally.
But back to the point. Why was it that, tonight, Misha couldn't resist the urge to cry? Was it because of this young body? Did it perhaps influence his personality, making him more prone to break down? Whatever was the case, this was embarrassing, enough to make him want to crawl into a hole and never come out! Why did he have to collapse in front of Gabriel of all people?!
"Are you feeling better?" Gabriel asked softly, lowering his eyes to look at the top of Misha's fluffy head.
The boy in his arms had become overly stiff, his shoulders tensing up and his back straightening, giving off the feeling that he was afraid to move and draw his attention, just like a small, trapped animal. It seemed like he had become conscious of their position, which was perhaps a little too close.
"…Could you not talk right now?"
"Why? Feeling awkward?"
"If you know, then shut up!" Misha grunted. "And let me go!"
Pushing on his chest to escape from his arms, Misha put some distance between them and averted his eyes. While in his embrace, he had realized that Gabriel's clothes had a fresh but cool smell, just like winter. Also, his body was usually pleasantly warm, almost like a blanket that had just gotten out of the dryer, yet today, it was freezing cold. Now that Misha thought about it… why was he here and how did he come to his house?
Lifting his eyes to peek at Gabriel, Misha could not help but frown. The man's cheeks and nose were still a little red, and his lips a little colorless. His copper hair was damp, plastered on each side of his face. The snowflakes that had fallen in his hair had long melted, and now, a few wet strands messily fell upon his forehead.
No, Gabriel couldn't have…?
"You… Did you just walk from your house to mine?!"
"Of course not. I'd have frozen to death had I done that."
"But then, why is your body ice-cold like a damn corpse?!"
"I took the bus and walked from the bus stop to here. It's quite a long walk."
"You didn't take your car?"
"Well, I couldn't. I snuck out."
"You snuck out?"
Gabriel nodded, solemnly repeating, "I snuck out."
"…"
A few seconds passed before Misha burst out laughing. He didn't know why, but he felt like laughing, so he did just that. Gabriel's serious face as he admitted to having slipped away was too incongruous; it somehow destroyed the heavy atmosphere that had slowly filled the room.
"What are you? A kid?"
"Between the both of us, you're the kid, though."
"I'm older than you, remember?"
"Are you now?"
"…Let's not have this conversation again."
"As you wish, sir."
They looked into each other's eyes before smiling and chuckling lightly. Then, the chuckles gradually faded and silence filled the room once more. There were so many things to say, yet it was hard to bring anything up. Ultimately, it was Gabriel who spoke up first.
"I know that even if I tell you not to feel guilty about today's events, you still will. But don't shoulder the blame alone. In my past timeline, you failed to save your mother, and I'm the one who decided to come back to rescue her. So in the end, I'm as guilty as you are, maybe even more as I'm the one who succeeded."
"But—"
"There's no but. This decision wasn't only yours. It was mine as well. And honestly, I would still choose to save your mother even while knowing what kind of consequences it would lead to." Gabriel paused a second to scoff. Then, he asked, "Do you know why?"
Taken aback, Misha blinked before slowly shaking his head. He, himself, wasn't sure if he would still save the mother while knowing what it would lead to. To Misha, it felt as if he had taken those kids' lives with his own two hands, staining them with blood. Even if, deep down, he was well aware that it wasn't the case, he couldn't shake off the feeling of guilt. Logically speaking, the one to blame was the perpetrator, not him. But convincing himself of this was easier said than done.
"Because, to me, your and your sister's happiness is more important. A whole city could burn down to ashes by my fault, and I wouldn't care, as long as the two of you are happy."
"W-what?"
Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at the boy with an unfathomable light in his eyes. Right now, Misha needed to distract his mind with something, anything, and the best way to do so was probably to open up to him.
After analyzing the message left in the watch and the previous timeline, Gabriel figured out that he never talked to Misha about himself and his problems in the first timeline, creating many misunderstandings that lasted a lifetime. He wouldn't repeat the same mistake twice, and maybe today was a good day to confide a little.
"You see, I lack feelings."
Misha tilted his head, looking at Gabriel with question marks flashing in his eyes, making him smile ever so lightly. In truth, his personality was one of a man of few words, but for once, Gabriel thought it wouldn't be so bad to talk more and explain everything in detail, or, at least, say enough so that Misha could understand what he meant and who he truly was.
"For as long as I can remember, I've always been aware that my nature is cold-hearted, just like my father. However, I do not want to be like him. I'm trying to be someone he's not, but sometimes, it's hard to do so, and once in a while, I lose my way. I know that this morning's tragedy is sad, yet, deep down, I'm indifferent to it. Even though I played a part in its occurrence, it doesn't affect me much. If it's not someone important to me, I can't muster any sympathy toward them, nor can I feel sorry about their losses, although it's easy to pretend that I do. I try to be a good person, but in the end, I'm not."
Gabriel paused to smile somewhat sadly yet tenderly, stretching a hand to push a strand of Misha's hair behind his ear. He then continued, "When someone manages to make a place for themselves in my heart, I'll give them the world because I don't know any better. There are not many who I hold dear, but, Misha, you are one of them. So, let me carry the burden of this tragedy. You have enough to shoulder on your own already."
The words that were spoken in a soft voice left Misha speechless. He looked at Gabriel in bewilderment, not knowing what to say. His brain needed time to process the man's words. However, Gabriel didn't let him time to think and dropped another bomb.
"Besides, although many lives were lost, I plan to save many more. I will not let my stepmother's crimes go unpunished in this timeline, nor will I let my father continue with his wicked ways. I think I had to abandon this plan in your previous life for reasons I don't fully understand, but I swear to you, I'll not let this happen this time around."
"W-what do you mean?"
"Well, you know that my family is wealthy, don't you? Since long ago, we've been involved in the mining industry. When my grandparents died, they left the company to their only daughter, who was my mother. She died a few years later, and my father inherited it. However, his way of doing things is vastly different. Of course, how my mother managed the company wasn't perfect, but my father only has profit in mind. You can guess what methods he employs."
Gabriel sneered and shook his head.
"The company has a good reputation in Canada, but it's not the case in South America. The environmental and ethical rules respected here are not in those countries. Mines need a lot of water to function, and in South America, the mines that my father owns drain lakes and underground water without a care. It's to the point where the nearby villages don't have enough water left to meet the needs of their populations. And to make matters worse, the mines reject the polluted water next to their facilities, contaminating the ground and other sources of clean water. Because of this, the villages don't have access to clean water, and growing food becomes harder with each passing year. To top it all, diseases caused by the chemical wastes also plague their villages."
Gabriel let out a half-scoff, half-sigh. "But that's not the worst part. When a population starts to protest because of my father's unethical and harmful practices or because he's planning to take possession of their sacred ground without asking for their opinions first, the company hires gangsters to silence them. Many people died and are still dying, all for what? Just because they want their pleas to be heard."
"You must be kidding me. Why does no one talk about it?! I mean, even in the future, I did not hear of such things!"
"Why would people talk or concern themselves about it? So many more atrocious things are happening worldwide, and the media don't necessarily broadcast them for political reasons. And even if people know about it, what can they do? They will say it's sad and maybe feel revolted by the news, but that's it. They will quickly move on. It doesn't concern them directly, so it doesn't really matter in the end. People do not care about others as long as they can live comfortably."
Misha looked at Gabriel with round eyes. He had no idea such things were happening, and he didn't know what to think of it. Of course, he was feeling upset, but… was it only for the sake of his conscience? He couldn't tell.
"So? What do you think? Which is more important: a classroom of teenagers or whole villages?"
"I…"
Misha didn't know what to say; his mouth was open, but no sound came out. He made a confused face, just like a lost child who couldn't understand what he had done wrong. Really, which one was more important?
"Sorry, that was mean of me. Don't think too much about it," Gabriel whispered, gently ruffling his hair. "This question has no right or wrong answers."
"If you say so," Misha mumbled before trying to change the topic. "You… You said that your mother died. I didn't know. How did she… How did she die?"
"They said it was a suicide."
The words Misha was about to say were swallowed back when his eyes met Gabriel's. Seeing his cold and distant expression, he couldn't bring himself to dig further into the matter. Later. Maybe they could talk about it later.
_________________________________
Chapter revised on 2022-06-02
Edited by Clozed! ♥
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