The day was bright, like any other day.

The sun was as usual, casting it's energy or it's so called term "light" radiantly over a seemingly small planet called Earth.

The living organisms or creatures in this particular planet were diverse .

Among them, a particular species was dominant among them.

They were called homo sapiens or in talking terms "human".

The reason that I am explaining this in detail is that,you the reader will understand my frustration.

As you read further you will understand the following reason as stated below:

The reason I am fed up with my life.

The reason being that I , a human have developed a tendency of isolating myself from the company of other humans.

The reason I want to kill myself.

The reason I want to live.

The given reasons keep on going , but I think it's time that you can get to know me.

My name is Cassian Gray and yes, my name sounds cool.

Now the great question. How should I introduce myself? I was debating a for 4 hours with myself (obviously) whether I should get on with my life story or explain in terms of words and imagination how I look like and blah ,blah blah .

This is what I finalized.

Name: Cassian Gray

Gender: Female

Age:18

Height: 164 cm

Weight: (nope)

Place of origin:

(nope..don't like people and you guys to start judging me)

Eye colour: gray

Favourite thing in the world:

Favourite colour:

Favourite food:

P.S: I haven't filled the things for my favourite items because I want you people to pay attention when you're reading ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Enough of me introducing myself. I guess I got a little bit distracted.

Back to what made my life so sufferable.

Not that I believe in things like destiny,fate etc. there was a part of my life which was decided or in other words,cursed.

The starting 15 years of my life was nothing less than hell.

The fact that I survived is somehow considered as a joke by many.

The reason?

I am capable of seeing a number on people's head which represents how much lifespan they have.

Pretty cool, you might think. But for me it's no less than a curse. While I was about 3-4 years old I kinda figured out what it was mainly about. I would point out and laugh about the years people would live. My parents were worried about me. How muchever I tried to explain they wouldn't understand. They showed me around to the psychiatrist, pediatrician, renowned doctors, the list goes on. Until finally the neighbour's kid who I used to most of my time with died, all this according to my prediction.

That kid, let's call her" Angela" died due to leukaemia and her parents were horrified not because of her death , but because of me.

They thought that I was cursed and caused her daughter to die.

Well my parents were gullible and believed that.

They took to temples, churches, masjids, monasteries, one after the other.

I would cry my head out but nothing would work.

When I was 6 , my parents isolated me totally.

My mom became sick and was staying in the hospital most of the time.

My dad used to come home late from office and then went back to the hospital so that he could take care of mom.

At the age of 12 my mom was back and then started sending me to school.

Well , I was a kid back then ,not knowing how shitty the world was.

Well I don't know the reason till date which made my mother change her made but she was different.Like really different. As if she'd wasn't the same person as before. Maybe I really didn't know my mom before she lost her grip on reality.

It was hard for me. The pain that I had to go through was like as if someone was tieing a noose around my neck and someone was slowly tightening it per second.

It was like someone was continuously trying to drown me when I was exposed to the world again.

Looking at people's faces. How do I explain it?

It came naturally to me to see their expectancy rate. To see the people around me having different dates. To wonder who I should be around with. Telling them the dates and getting to be proved right. Blaming myself for my family falling apart. Blaming myself because my mother was hospitalized due to mental strain.

Well this all changed when my mom came back.

My mom came back from the hospital when I was 12 years old. I was homeschooled by my dad till then. I can't say that my dad was my pillar ,but he was there when my mom wasn't.

He 'took' care of me. Fed me, put me to bed, took care of my studies even though he was busy with work.

Well I am grateful to me, he wasn't there when people living near by hated on me.

When they cursed at me.

When they hissed and closed the curtains of their windows when they saw me .

Basically there was an old age home in the same neighborhood , so was I to be blamed?

The reason I never told him?

He was at work and hospital most of the time. It really never was his fault.

I never wanted to burden him. Seeing my mom being admitted in a hospital because of me.

The situation at home completely collapsed when my mom came back when I became 12.

It was like like sunflowers and sunshine and rainbows entered the world of monochrome.