"I didn't mean to blame you for not being a responsible father. All I ever wanted was for Justin to be happy. I gave you three months to be with Justin, because I wanted our kid to feel that his longed-for fatherly love was as warm as he had imagined. He had never showed me how much he yearned for you, but I felt a longing in his heart, and I sent him to live with you."
Daisy's heart broke whenever her son behaved intelligently, sensibly, and thoughtfully in front of her. Her son was still little, but had learned to be mature. He had also learned to support his mother, and stayed with her throughout the lonely times. Without him, she couldn't imagine how she could get through those days. He was her rock.
"To tell the truth, at the start, I thought you might not accept him, so when I brought him to you, I also brought the marriage certificate. And once I was finally face-to-face with you, I was struck speechless. Fortunately, I managed to get some words out. But if you had paid attention, you would have seen that I was averting my eyes. I didn't dare to meet your gaze from beginning to end -- I was afraid that I might end up in a situation even worse than before. I couldn't bear that."
As she talked, she occasionally stopped to wipe the tears on her face. A bitter smile graced her lips the whole time. It was hard to tell whether she was self-deprecating or lost in her own memories.
"After that, I was in training. Luckily it was rigorous enough to make me forget about you in the moment. The intense and exhausting training consumed me physically and mentally. I had no spare time to care if you two were okay. But I firmly believed that you would be kind to him, as I believed that I was a good judge of character."
That was true. She had always enjoyed training and working out, because when immersed in her own world, she would temporarily forget about him. It was only when she forgot about him that her heart wouldn't ache for him.
"Later, the evaluation of my performance was completed. I knew there was no chance of a promotion, as I didn't have any high-ranking officials as my relatives. So I felt wronged and ill-judged. I had to call our son to talk with him. Because, in my heart, he was the one closest to my heart, not you."
Her heart sank once more as she looked through her teary eyes at his still sleepy face. Sadness enveloped her, leaving her with no way out. She sniffed, and her cold voice sounded again, as she continued her story.
The first time I got your phone call, it made me feel so unreal. So much so that every muscle in my body stiffened because of it. I wondered if this meant that you cared a little bit about me, after all. But when I listened with delight, what you said shattered all my hopes once again."
At the time, she thought that his phone call might be proof for his care for her. But her illusion was shattered by his words, into thousands of shreds that could never be collected into a whole again.
"Six years later, I woke up in your arms again. I was panicked, but also thrilled. Every midnight, I would dream about being held by you, leaning against your chest. But when the dream came true, I hesitated. So when you proposed that we should give each other a chance, I hesitated, but finally agreed. My desire of getting close to you was so strong, that at last, reason succumbed. Are you glad to hear that? Yeah, I've always loved you, very much."
Daisy raised her hand, and caressed Edward's cheek. But when her finger was blocked by the re-breather, she shuddered as anxiety filled her heart.
"Oh, and Jessica. She was so special to you. Whenever I saw you out with her, I was so scared, that I couldn't convince myself to be completely open to you, lest that I was a mere prey in your eyes, not the woman you loved, and every fit of temper would drive me away from you. So I deliberately hid my real feelings from you, not wanting you to realize that in fact, I have already fallen for you, because of your noble temperament and handsome appearance. Even though I love you, I still wanted to keep a little bit of self-respect, because I didn't want to appear so submissive in front of you."
Jessica, the beautiful woman, had always been a huge obstacle that Daisy could not overcome. Of all Edward's ex-girlfriends, Daisy had a special sensitivity to Jessica in particular. She had envied her for so many times, as she read the reports about their love affairs in the newspaper, in magazines, and even in the news. Every time, her heart ached like it was trampled countless times, in jealousy of Edward's tenderness for Jessica. How could she even come close to that?
Maybe you don't know, but Jessica sent me a picture of you hugging her. Although I ostensibly refused to believe her when I confronted her, my heart began to waver. Since then, I've always had a distrust for you, especially after seeing what you did in the office, my heart was once again broken by you -- however hard you tried to mend it, it would never be cured."
At that moment, she really wanted to convince herself to trust him. After all, what she saw was not necessarily truth. But when she remembered the picture she had received, in her heart, bitter doubt grew. Though she had promised him that whatever happened, she would stand beside him and listen to his explanation, when this happened, she suddenly found, that she couldn't be so rational -- she couldn't stay and listen and believe in him. She couldn't reasonably judge which version of the story was the truth, Jessica's, Edward's, or hers, thus she escaped, and went to the military exercises without bidding him goodbye.
I had never imagined that you would ever see the huge stack of newspapers that I stored in my room in the army base. It wasn't just a stack of newspapers, but also a record of all the feelings I had for you over the years, and what I felt about every piece of news about you. In a moment I felt bare and naked before you, and could never hide from you again, as you've seen through me, both body and soul.
As I was panicked and scared, out of my expectation, you responded with an 'I love you". At the time, tears trickled down my cheeks. Hearing your words, I felt that I was the happiest woman in the world. The deepest spot in my heart was melted.
Daisy narrated with a sweet smile. The smile on her face was so bright, as if happiness were really in front of her, as it she reached out and could pluck it like a ripe apple from a tree.