"But I feel like I'm being cruel to make you talk about the past. I don't want to see you get sad. My heart will hurt too, "
Daisy said affectionately. At this moment, she wasn't the shy woman anymore. She extended her slender hands to rub Edward's knitted eyebrows. She didn't like seeing him wincing, because it meant he was being troubled by something and her heart would ache.
"I'm not sad, just resigned. I'm fine." Feeling Daisy's hands tremble, Edward sighed. He could see that although she appeared aloof, she was full of passion. And all that passion was for him, which he considered a blessing. He was willing to go through anything with her.
"OK. If you feel sad, you can stop talking anytime. Although I hope I can know everything about you, I don't want you to get upset, so don't worry about me." Daisy's heart was aching, because she was familiar with the feelings of being ignored by family members, which was her life story. She understood Edward.
"Maybe you won't believe me. My father has never held me once since my childhood. I have no idea how it feels to be spoiled by a father. At first I envied those people who have a happy family, then I started hating them. I was bitter. I was once filled with those deep feelings because of my own family. Although my mom loves me, I will never be as important as my father to her. So when they sent me abroad to live alone, I didn't feel sad but relieved."
Edward still remembered how thrilled he had been that day. He had wondered if he would become their sole concern after he parted with them. He had worked hard because he had hoped to become the best person he could be so that his father would like him. However, letdown after letdown, he finally knew. He found that no matter how hard he tried, he would always be the fifth wheel in that rich family. He was destined to be neglected by his parents.
Day after day, it didn't matter to him anymore. He stopped longing for care and love, because he realized that he would never get them. All his effort would be to no avail. It was meaningless to keep wasting his time.
Then I promised myself that if I couldn't be a responsible father, I wouldn't have a child. So although there was a lot of gossip about different girls and me, I had sex with almost none of them. The image of a licentious lifestyle was just a cover. In this way, I thought, I could anger my parents and avenge myself on them for the arranged marriage. Sadly, I hurt you deeply. I was wrong. I am very sorry for everything."
Edward looked at Daisy earnestly. Yes, he owed her an explanation, and a late apology too. He had been furious then because it had baffled him why his parents, who had never paid attention to him, suddenly cared about his marriage. Inside him, he had resisted his marriage strongly. He had taken it out on Daisy, who was young and clueless, and then left coldly at that time.
Hearing this, Daisy smiled and said nothing. She knew he had a lot to share. She just needed to be a good listener. He needed no response, because however beautiful sentences couldn't make up the void from the past in his heart.
"Realizing that I had slept with you the next morning, I was terrified by the fact that even if you didn't want to have sex with someone, you could still be drugged and end up with a baby. To prevent it from happening again, I went under the knife and Tom gave me a vasectomy. Unexpectedly, you were pregnant that night."
Edward didn't know whether he should feel sad or excited about becoming a father, for he almost became who his father was -- an irresponsible father. Fortunately, after having been apart for so many years, Daisy had sent Justin over and his life was happier. He should thank her for it, for her generosity and self-control, for her sense and kindness, and for bringing family affection into his life. Knowing that Edward hadn't been mad at her in the first place but at his parents for setting him up, Daisy kissed him on the forehead. She understood why Edward had taken it out on her. Yet, she was dying to know whether Edward had thought about her at all during those years.
"Are you wondering why I never contacted you and even almost forgot you?" Edward asked Daisy, as if he could read her mind. Daisy was so surprised that she was in a daze for a few seconds. Was this the connection between lovers? she wondered.
Actually, Daisy was an open book. All her thoughts were on her face. As a businessman who had seen the world, Edward could read her expressions easily.
"Yes, I am. Would you care to tell me why?" Daisy responded. She didn't think anybody could forget his own wife, no matter how forgetful he was or how much he hated her. One's memory couldn't be erased completely.
"When you reject someone in your heart, you reject everything that is connected with them. That was what I did. Because I was repulsed by my parents, I shut you out of my heart too. I didn't really forget you, but somehow chose not to remember you. So it was impossible for me to contact you. I figured I already had fulfilled my responsibility as long as I wired money on a regular basis to Maple Night, where I thought you lived. That's it. Nothing personal, just because you were the woman my parents picked out for me. I'm sorry I had put you through so much pain."
Edward pinched her delicate nose. It didn't hurt as much as he had thought to share his past with Daisy. He had thought he would never be able to talk about it again. Now that he opened his heart to Daisy, he wouldn't close it again. He wanted her to know everything about him.
It seems that I became a sacrifice in the battle between you and your parents and you would rather let me die in the battle. You brutal monster!" Daisy compared Edward's relation with his parents to a battle. Typical military style. What a dedicated officer she was!
Yes, I was indeed brutal to you. I made a mistake. But in the past three months, I have changed a lot because of you. For the first time I waited for a woman; for the first time I felt insecure in a relationship; for the first time I let a woman kiss my lips; for the first time I know how wonderful it is to love someone; and for the first time I know I can drop my pride for a woman."
If these things were the punishment for his cruelty to her, he was willing to take them, because he owed her. And because it was for Daisy, the woman he would be devoted to for the rest of his life.
Is all this true? Am I that woman? Daisy asked and looked At Edward with enchanting and passionate smile. He was amazed to see how charming she was at this moment. That smile was like a breeze caressing his cheeks and softening his heart, brightening his years. It was engraved upon his heart so that he would still be able to recall it even after a long long time.
Who says it is you? Colonel your so fill of yourself. Edward tease her. She was rarely tender like today. Normally, she would just kick him or cold shoulder him.
Not me? Not even when I'm doing this? Daisy kissed Edward on the lips before she finished her sentence. He had said that no other woman had kissed his lips but her, wich excited her. Those lips had never been touched by any other woman. They were all hers.