The world is unfair the moment you are born.
Just how cruel is that?
When you just come out from your dear mother's womb, the people relating to that new life will decide its life course, not the baby itself.
If the baby is born with a golden spoon, how lucky is he?
He will be provided with the best food, the best treatment, the best education and best of everything. No matter what his career will be, it will be guaranteed with insurance and full of joy. Of course, unless some sudden misfortunes rain down without warning.
Contrasting to that, there are babies even worse than a plastic spoon. ...No, maybe they don't even have the spoon itself.
To fill their empty stomach, they have to mooch off from people's pity and sympathy constantly. To survive, they have to fight with each other for one small rotten bread. Knowledge? What luxury is that? Can it make them fill their empty stomachs?
And there's one person who has faced this heavy reality the moment he has a clear mind on oneself.
He's not particularly smart, not significantly strong nor unique from other people.
But one thing makes him different from the normal.
It's the piling misfortunes coming to him without stopping.
And on his short but pitiful life...
The grim reaper has finally come to take his poor soul.
*****
"...*Gulp*"
(Don't worry, I can do it. Just close your eyes and jump. Easy peasy...)
In the middle of the night, there's one salaryman coming home from work standing in a grandiosely tall building. What's not normal though, he removed his shoes and socks and stand AFTER the fence on the rooftop of some building.
Sure enough, he's attempting to do suicide right at this very moment.
With a trembling voice, face full of tears, the man enchanted repeated words under his breath.
"..Fuuhh...I can do it...I can do it..."
An encouragement of oneself to end own life. What a sad and spooky encouragement it is. What's worse that it's not the first time he does this. Nay.
It's just one of the many attempts he had done for. But this time, his determination is a tad much stronger than all previous attempts.
It couldn't be helped though. After all,
(There's nothing left for me. I..I can...)
He had lost everything from the little things he had.
Closing his eyes, he reminisces his pitiful life journey.
A baby who was picked up from the trash bin. An unneeded life from his own blood parents. A rotten life to get 'cared' by shitty orphanage with no fluffy drama nonsense.
His caretaker? Didn't give a speck of concern.
None. Zero. Null. Nothing.
Friends? If you can call people who always extorted his hard-earned money from begging is his friends, then surely it is.
Fight back? Of course, he has done so. Every human being has a primal instinct to survive and he isn't an exception.
So he fought. With the burning resolve he had inside his heart, he did anything and everything he could to crawl out from that bitter and hurting hellhole.
With a bit of small luck he had, he managed to do so.
And with that small luck, he could get a relatively normal life he had desperately tried to obtain. He went to school, he had classmates, and he could learn things he wasn't able to in the past.
Most probably, it was the happiest moment of his life. Yes, even if.
Even if...that life was just a fake.
People said, "Life is full of ups and downs."
For him, it's more to a bottomless down, a little bit of up, then going to back down again.
When those so-called friends found out he's 'just' a poor orphan. My, how 'magical' it is. Their attitudes just turned 180 degrees laterally.
He could still remember it as clear as day.
"I really...don't have anything from the start, huh?"
On one particular day, a day that is nothing special. He was called by his girlfriend and best friend. With full of curiosity, he went to the classroom told by them.
And the scene facing him?
Absolute tragedy and despair.
His girlfriend, who he thought was innocent and cute wore a face full of lust while shaking own hips with his dear friend rhythmically.
Is that the worst? No, it's just the start of his life crumbling.
his foothold which was already tiny and fragile collapsed instantly.
Not only did that two assholes betrayed his trusts, but his so-called classmates also ganged up on him and record his tear-filled face with jovial laughter on their faces.
And the next words commented on these jerks?
"Pfft, look. We can make a good drama from this poor, sad orphan, do we? GYAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Ehhhh~~ Just upload it on random porn site. Maybe we can get famous from it, you know. AHAHA!"
At that time, he didn't even recognize that he was at home when it all ended. But after that, one thing was sure.
He never smiled until today. His eyes have lost his luster completely.
It's not on the level of losing trust in humanity. He didn't have the leisure on brooding it either.
After that incident, a new hell called society bites him in every possible way.
His reputation has fallen rock bottom. Of course, the school side expelled him with lightning speed. Without even hearing his story, much less.
His privacy? Hah. Every nook and cranny of his life was published on internet eternally.
It took years of struggle, unending effort, and blood and tears to finally escaped from this whatever he called as hell.
He didn't give up though.
Just one. One thing is enough for him. If there's one thing he could leave something good on this crappy life, he'll be satisfied.
So his fallen, broken knees were able to stand up again with that small consolation.
He erased his identity, moved to another city, and found a job that could barely cling on to life.
....And back to the present.
"...Kuhk.Kuhhkkk!!"
Long story short, it didn't work. No miracles. No jackpot. His past came back haunting to him. His previous employers immediately fired him after finding out about it.
He just wiped the salt waters pouring out from both eyes, but it's still coming out without any signs of stopping. And here he thought, his eyes were dry already after all the suffering received from the 20 something years he had lived.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
....If people ask, "Is he the most pitiable human being on Earth," Then it will be a definite no.
There are still tens of millions of people who are more unfortunate than him.
But there's a tiny difference.
He didn't have someone supporting him. Not even passbyers give their hands to this person.
He doesn't know what it means to be happy.
Or maybe....he just forgot about it.
And now, it finally breaks. His pent-up emotions, his despair, and his sadness forms into this howling screams.
"..."
He had enough of it.
This thing called life. If it hurts him this much, then what's wrong in ending it?
But...
"Hah....Hah...hahh!"
Just one step. One small step is enough. He'll do the freefall, splatters his insides and say sayonara to this world.
But that step feels...so heavy.
He isn't wearing anything on his feet, but it feels like there are shackles dragging him back.
The heaviest shackles called as fear.
"....Move."
"....move....move. ..move! MOVE!!! Move, dammit! Please, just move and let me end this suffering! I don't want it! I don't want it anymore!!!"
No matter how much he screams, no matter how much he wants to end his life, his feet...is not moving at all.
In the end,
*Plop*
His knees fall down, again.
He covered his face that is full of tears and snot with both of his calloused hands. Then, he slowly kneeled down while doing so.
For praying to God? Nah, he rejected that lofty existence the moment he is born.
"...Fu*k this sh*t."
It's just to curse and lament his fate.
It won't change a damn single thing. But...
At least it could relieve his stress, no matter how little it is.
Because that's the only thing he could do.
*****
*Ping* *Pong* *Ping* *Pong*
*Chatter* *Chatter*
Sounds of roadsign alerting systematically, sounds of hundreds of people chatting between each other, and sounds of their footsteps walking toward each of their own destinations.
"...*Sigh*....."
And in the middle of this place, one particular sad man who has the expression of giving up on life in every sense stands aloof from the others. Well, it is the aptest description since he really wants to die even right at this very moment.
The man, with hollow eyes, faces at the night sky blanketed by beautiful stars, each shining with own radiance.
(What...should I do now?)
Indeed, that's the question he has to answer immediately.
Most people in this busy street have their own destination, own goal, and own target to achieve. After all, that's what living means.
And now, he had lost his job, lost his reputation grandly, and cut out pretty much every single opportunity for doing another job interview.
So he, who had lost his own target to achieve fail to function as a proper human.
Living, but not living at the same time.
(No money, no friends, no connections, and no family... I only have my pathetic body and poor luck, huh?)
Still, saying someone with broken life to have a lifelong goal for achieving it is just too much to ask.
".....No, that's not it."
Actually, he does have a goal though. Or, maybe it'll be more appropriate to say it as a desire for doing something good into this world, no matter how small it is.
However, he's afraid. Very much so until he can't consider for taking a step forward anymore.
(...)
Empty. Vain. Blank.
He can't see the road ahead of him no matter how much he sees it positively.
"....I should go back."
In the end, he decides to go home, take a hot shower, eat a heartful meal, and have a proper sleep for ending the day.
If today is no good, then he'll decide the course of his life to the future him.
Sometimes, just resetting own condition into the beginning state make things clearer than ever. Although he's not a broken game console, still. At least it's worth doing because it gives him the purpose to live for another day.
It was then.
*Badum*
"...?"
(What?)
His heart is beating loudly. Very much so until it makes him feel that passerby could even hear it clearly.
And it's not that instance only.
*Badum* * Badum* * BADUM!*
Slowly but surely, his right hand put at the top of his heart to check the beating sound didn't miss it. His heart, which was beating normally a few seconds begin to speed up abnormally.
(What...is this?)
Flustered by this unexpected situation, he begins to panic. After all, he doesn't live an unhealthy lifestyle to get heart stroke on this young age. Much more when he does periodical exercise.
Therefore, the abnormality experiencing by him right now is too...unpredictable.
Not only that... how should he say this?
This... huge anxiety he's feeling on his mind.
When he looks around the street, nothing seems to be wrong. Everyone he feels, smells, sees and hear is not different from the daily lifestyle he knows.
(So why...)
Why does he feel this afraid?
Just like something, if not someone will change his daily life.
That will end his life.
Abruptly.
*BADUM!*
Just now, his heart sounds the loudest beating sound he has ever heard on his entire life.
At the same moment, the course of his life has just been decided.
*Vrmmm....*
*WHIIIIING!*
On his ears, the sounds of a car engine reverberate loudly to this street full of people. If it's just a car, then it's nothing abnormal. A road exists for transportation to run.
However, what makes it different is the type of that car and the 'speed' having right now.
"....!!!"
Looking at the direction, he founds out that it's a magnificent sports car no normal middle-class people able to buy in their entire lifetime. And now, that beast is using its full potential on this busy street, full of people.
(It's too fast!)
If it's on an empty road then there will be no complaint, but this is a pedestrian street. A road where people and transportation coexist together but with rules needed to abide.
And that car....is definitely not following the speed limit at all.
"Wh-what the!?"
"What is the driver doing!?"
"Hey, stop it!"
The people who also notice this abnormality begun to panic fervently. If a car with that much velocity rams to someone on this place.... just imagining it is horrifying.
Moreover, the supposed car is not showing sings on stopping. Instead, it gets faster and faster.
(!! The driver is drunk!)
He also notices this ever-changing situation and reaches to one factor making it so. No matter how batshit insane the driver is, if he/she has a clear mind, then the first and foremost priority is to put own feet on the brake immediately.
And only someone still speeding in this kind of road is one who doesn't have a clear mind nor proper decision-making ability to do so.
(...I need to go inside on a building.)
He does have a suicide tendency, but that doesn't mean he wants to end his own life on this kind of nonsense. Right now, what he needs to do is take temporary refuge on certain building with wide room to take cover for not to get hit by that car even if it is one in a million chance.
It was at that time.
"....!"
He 'saw' it.
"Kyaaaa!!!"
"Hey, you asshole!! Stop the car!"
"Move! Move!"
While the gallery has begun to fill with unbridled chaos and panic, the man clearly sees the direction of that car heading right now.
If it goes like that.....
*Step!*
Subconsciously, both of his feet which is supposed to head on a building instead go to the source of the disaster itself.
Is he crazy? Maybe he is.
However, even before his own reason is taking him over, his subconsciousness moves his body faster than ever.
And then... while still running on the fastest speed he can, he finally realizes it.
The reason for his loud beating heart.
(...Ahhh...so that's what it is.)
Indeed, everything has a reason behind it. Although he couldn't know the logic behind it, he understands the purpose of it, no matter how insane it sounds.
This. It was a sign for this moment.
A sign for his life to end, right at this instance.
Unconsciously, the man who only tasted despair and experienced false hope....smiles.
A smile for a long time he has ever made.
*VrrrrrRRRRRR!!!*
The sound of the car is getting closer and closer. And now....on the front of that car is one girl with earphones plugging her ears while facing own smartphone without caring the surrounding.
"....?"
Noticing her sideways getting brighter and brighter, she faces toward the source of it.
And then...
".....Eh?"
She doesn't understand the situation. No, to be more precise, her brain can't comprehend these sudden pieces of information flooding to inside her head on an extremely short timespan.
She is just a normal high school student who finished the cram school a moment ago to prepare for university she decided to enroll. To releases the frustration and stress building inside his mind from all of the studying, she decided to play one of her favorite social game to release it.
Which is a mistake.
The biggest mistake she has ever done so.
Even less than a second, her life will be terminated with less to zero percentage for recovering the injuries.
.
..
....
...
....
...
.....
Supposed to be.
On this millisecond, she felt a force pushing her body to the side.
".....Huh?"
While feeling her body floating slowly just like a cinema scene, she saw a man. A man.... who pushes her to the side.
Indeed, it was her fault and her only. So, it is normal for her to take the price for not noticing the abnormality.
Even so.... fate doesn't decide it as so.
This one mistake is rewritten by the man who is full of mistakes in his entire life.
The weight of each mistake is different and proportional to each other.
However, it is enough to erase the consequences of that one mistake completely.
"!!!"
And while even on this situation, the girl sees it.
The man who is still smiling gently toward her opens his mouth.
"-----------"
On that moment, she couldn't hear the words spoken clearly. Maybe it's because of all the ruckus made by the surrounding. Maybe it's because of the earphones plugging on her ears. Either way, she'll found the words to be deciphered much later on by reading the moving lips.
The sentence she'll eternally crave inside her heart.
"I'm glad my life has meaning to it."
*BANG!*
*******
.
..
...
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
...
...
.....
.....
...
...
"....Uhhhhh....."
When he slowly open his heavy eyelids, the first thing popped inside his mind is, extremely cold and cruel.
(....Ah, I'm gonna die.)
Death.
The thing he fears and desires the most.
Even while his head feels muddled, even if his ears are ringing loudly, even if the surrounding he sees are all blurry, he reaches this conclusion without hesitation nor tries to reject it.
It is a definite thing.
Because, because..... he couldn't 'feel' it anymore.
His arms, his legs, and even his heart. The nerves which are used to move his body, he.... can't sense it anymore.
Fortunate or not, he could still feel his head and open his eyes. But as for the rest, nothing at all.
Not only that...
(I'm....sleepy.)
His heavy eyelids which just has been opened a moment ago are going to be closed again.
But this time, it won't and never will be opened again on this world.
He had lost too much blood from that heavy impact.
That uselessly luxurious car rammed toward his body, especially on his stomach perfectly. Even he wondered whether that driver did it on purpose or not. Due to that, his insides and outsides are in an absolute mess.
".....Fuuuhhh...."
Maybe this is the mercy given by that aloof God he had never believed. Even on his pitiful file, that esteemed existence gives its graces by not letting him feel the tremendous pain on his body in the last moment of his life.
If it's truly so, he can only say "thank you."
At least... at the very least, he could end his own life without much pain.
(Ahhh...I'm so....sleepy....)
It was a long, arduous trial to him.
His suffering, his misfortune, and his despair. Every negative aspect shackling his body feels.... none to him.
Just like... just like a prisoner released from the chains binding him.
If so, how blissful it is.
And now, his eyes slowly lose its gained luster, his eyelids closing, and his warm body begins to get cold.
(.....Good....bye.)
A word of farewell to this world. Even though all he experienced are nothing good, at least he should say it to this world, which have given him space to live.
Just then.
When he almost completely lose his life...
.
...
....
.....
....
"NO!"
The last grace is given on his ending.
"...Eh?"
Hearing the unexpected words besides him, his eyelids opened up for a second time. Not only that, he feels something wet dropping on his faces without stopping.
(What is....)
"....Ah."
Maybe it's because of his muddled head due to blood loss. Previously, he can't see the surrounding at all. But when he hears that single word, it becomes much clearer than before.
In front of him, there lies a girl kneeling beside his fallen body with endless tears pouring on both of her beautiful eyes to his bloodied face.
It's the girl he had just saved minutes ago.
"....You....are....."
With his parched lips, he tries to forms words but it is almost inaudible. Even the girl beside him can only hear it barely.
However, that's enough for her.
"!!! He's still conscious!! Please, ambulances!! Tell it to hurry!!"
"R-right!"
"H-hey you, hold on okay!"
"Help is coming right now!"
Responding to her desperate pleading, people begin to shouts of ale to the hero who has saved the girl despite sacrificing own body.
Facing this situation, he feels a bit dumbfounded. Just a moment ago, he's on the border of death and life, so what is going on right now?
Moreover, the word that was spoken by one of the people in the gallery.
"He...lp?"
"Yes! Yes! The ambulance is coming right now! So please, hold on until that time. PLEASE!"
While shouting so, the girl grabs the man's hand covered by blood with both of her hands strongly. She won't even care if her clothes got dirtied by it. Because right now, if it could still make this man be conscious even for a short moment, she will do it no matter what it is.
"...."
Truthfully, he didn't expect any of this at all. He thought that the girl will get panicked and run away. Even he won't blame her if she does so.
But to think, she's seating beside this pathetic man who is losing the ember of his soul at any moment to hope for his survival.
Reaching to that moment, a feeling he had never experienced before filled inside his heart.
It's a foreign feeling, but no doubt it feels warm and fuzzy into his mind.
"...Ahhh."
(So this is what it feels like.)
Reaching to this one conclusion, a heartful smile forms on his face.
"I'm.....glad.....you.....alive...."
He's sincere. No matter what life the girl will walk after this event, he won't ever regret the action he had done on this day.
"!!! It's-it's because of you!! If you- if you didn't push me!! I..I..! That's why...!!"
Finally.
Finally, he has done something worthful in this life. Even if his life will be extinguished with his action, he feels worth it to be exchanged by this girl.
Realistically and objectively speaking, he has no more future to walk anymore. His energy to move forward had been emptied a long time ago. It is on the realm of miracle, for him able to stand up while facing the cruelty of the world for twenty so years constantly.
So....so, he feels really grateful.
For this girl's future could be saved because of him.
*Wiiing...* *Wiiing!*
"Did-did you hear that!? It's the ambulance!! They have come!! They finally come!!"
Even until the end, this girl is still hoping for him to be alive. Even though he's just a stranger, she could still earnestly hopes for his life to be preserved.
(Really....just how much...just how much are you....)
"...Thank...you...."
"!? Wh-why are you thanking me!? It's supposed to be me!! I-I-- Because of you..!!"
How ticklish it is. Her act of caring is so, so heavy to him in another meaning. It even...gives him a reason to live properly again.
For the world is still this beautiful.
But.
But, life doesn't work like that. No matter how much greed he has to live, the situation won't change a single bit.
(....Ah....I...can't...see...)
Even though his eyes are still opening, the lack of blood makes its function loss. His hand, which could feel the grip by this girl unexpectedly, is beginning to feel numb.
His time has come.
Or, it could be said that it is ending.
But the moment he decided to save this girl, he was prepared to lose his life for her. He's not that optimistic for his life could still be saved, after receiving that crash directly.
Besides, he already received the reward for it.
A gift that is worth any amount of money he could think of.
How ironic though.
To think, this gift that will make his life able to end peacefully without regret also makes him want to live strongly one more time.
(How...selfish...am....I. )
Indeed, you could never get everything you want. Anything people desires has always needed sacrifices for it to be gained.
And now, he needs to pay the price.
"!!"
Realizing his eyes beginning to lose its luster, the girl begins to grip his hand tighter than ever.
"No...no...NO! Please, don't do this to me!! I- I haven't done anything to you!! If you die...if you die, I can't repay you!!"
Responding to her desperate plea, he only smiles gently to her.
"You....already....did."
Yes, she has already repaid it in full. Even though the girl doesn't know about his circumstances, she has given him peace on his last moment.
But still, it does leave a bit of bitter taste if he couldn't respond to her properly.
So, he'll pass it to her.
The baton of life to her hand.
".....Live....."
"!!!"
"Live....on...Don't....give....up."
So she won't be a mistake like him. So she could still shine brightly just like now.
Hearing that, the girl begins to cry more than now. Even though he doesn't know about her at all, the broken words given by him reaches her heart too.
"I-I will!! I will live without giving up!! That's why....that's why you too!!"
"I'm...sorry...."
"!!!! NO!! NO!! Please- Please don't!!"
His voice, which is already weak and feeble begins to lose its volume as time passes by. His weak breathing is slowly beginning to stop functioning.
His heart.. which had beaten loudly a few minutes ago is losing its rhythm.
"....Good...bye...."
With that, he closes his eyes forever.
******
His hand, held by the girl. It has no more force in it anymore.
Even without the ambulance confirming it, the girl has already known it.
"Hikkk....Hikkk..."
No matter how much she cries, no matter how much she pleads for it, the dead will never be brought to life.
However, even though she fully realizes it, she still wants to say it.
"Thank you...."
That she's grateful for the life given to him.
Because that's all she could do right now.
Of course, the deceased him won't ever hear it.
But she had already expressed it to him fully.
After all.
He could sleep with a blissful smile on his face.