I spend most of my nights awake. halfly because my mind is still thinking but also because I long for love. I've tried and failed. I've tried again and failed again. I've stopped looking, buried myself in my work( to the best of my ability) and still failed. I've changed multiple times I don't know my original self was supposed to be. and again I've failed. I'm almost fucking 18. the people I want, I can't have. I fell in off a cliff for them, and they don't even know I exist. it's not there fault. we were 2 sides of one coin. and if your heads you can't really see tails unless you look in mirror. and even then you wouldn't be able to hear the other talking. What Next. Don't Fucking Get Me Wrong. I don't feel bad for myself. I'm just being held back.