Walking into the school again felt like a dream. It had been 104 days since the end of my Junior year and 124 since Junior prom, I had gone with what I thought was the girl of my dreams, but never in a million years would I have thought I'd end up with the best man in the world. I still hadn't known who I was last year, but over my break I had time to think of myself and I'd finally decided what I wanted to be, gay. No one at school or in my family knew it yet, but they'd learn soon. Since then I've decided the way I'm coming out, during my 18th birthday party.
Being the first day back and still dating Kelly, I felt off. Last night we compared our new schedules to find the best times to meet between class periods. After we met between 2nd and 3rd period things didn't just feel the same anymore. As we kissed goodbye and everyone looked in our direction we parted ways. During lunch we met again, when we sat down together with our group of friends and talked about our new classes and how our summer was the topic of LGBTQ+ came up, my hands grew clammy. Jokes were thrown out about guys being gay and everyone at the table joined in. A few gay jokes later I'd had enough, standing up abruptly, I told Kelly I wanted to go dump my tray and she insisted on going with me. While we walked across the lunchroom she looked at me and asked,
"What's wrong honey?"
I couldn't look her in the eyes anymore because I've been lying to her for a while now. I asked her to just meet me at my car after school and I'd try to tell her everything.
After 5th period we had planned to meet but I couldn't handle seeing her anymore, it was just hurting me too much to feel like I was leading her on. Around the end of 6th period I felt my phone buzz, I look down to see a text from Liam.
"Hey what's up? Kelly told me that you have been dodging her, you good?"
"Yeah I'm fine, just got some stuff on my mind."
"Ok see you at practice."
Crap, I'd completely forgotten about band practice today, why can't we go the first day back without a practice.
By the time that 3:10 comes around I've got a text from Kelly asking if I can still meet her at my car. After I tell her I can I gather my things and set out my instrument for when I come back.
Out in the parking lot I see Kelly walking down the stairs cute as ever, radiating kindness with every smile.
"Hey what did you want to talk with me about?"
"I want to talk to you in the car if that's alright with you."
"Yeah sure."
As she hops into the car I gather my wits about me and try to calm down.
"Kelly, I'm so sorry that I couldn't talk to you about this sooner but I could never think of a good time, and it's gotten to the point to where it hurts to think about it, Kelly, I'm gay."
When I look up I just see her speechless, unable to form words. I just look at her trying to form words but nothing is coming out.
"I'm sorry I didn't know how to tell you sooner, that's why I was so antsy at lunch, just hearing them degrade a community that I'm a part of I just couldn't handle it."
"I understand and I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I hope it gets better for you."
"I'm sorry if you felt led on, what we had was real I just didn't know who I was yet and you helped me find parts of me I didn't know I had and I thank you for that."
"I'm glad that in some way I could help you find who you are, have you thought about telling anyone else?"
"If I'm being completely honest you're the first and no I don't have anyone else in mind. My first plan was to come out on my birthday but I couldn't wait that long to tell you, it felt wrong."
"I understand, I'm just glad you trust me enough to give me this secret, until you get a solid footing on this whole thing we can still act like we're dating so no one suspects anything."
"I'd really appreciate that Kelly, thank you so much, I'm sorry that I put you through something like this."
"I'd rather have dated someone that found out they were gay during the relationship than date a straight cheater, I wish for the best for you."
"I love you so much Kelly and I hope you never forget that, and I hope you know that just because I'm gay you don't have to hesitate to ask me for help, I'd gladly be your gay best friend when I'm out."
"Wanna go to the mall then, They've got some new clothes I've been dying to try on."
"After band practice we can go and pick out some cute new outfits for both of us."
"Sounds like an amazing plan, want to meet at the square downtown?"
"Of course see you there at 5:45."
"It's a date I suppose, see you there Darius, love you."