I am a humble servant to the mighty eight, I serve you to the best of my ability. I love through you, breathe because you allow me to, hungry because you allow me, feel emotions because you allow me. I am to show furious passion because that is the moon that I was born under, to feel upmost joy because my mother was born under the Sun Imma. I am to do no wrong and follow in your words, but allow me to drown, to give into my emotions. Allow me to see Lottie, to see her… even if it is just one last time.
Two weeks.
It has been two weeks since we last talked. Fourteen days since you hugged me. Three hundred and thirty-six hours twenty- two minutes and twenty-five seconds since you last called me your folly. Here in the prayer hall I kneel before Imma, sun god of Joy praying that you have found your place in the land of the dead, hoping that perhaps that you are watching me. I have stayed here since the funeral for nearly four days. No one bothers me anymore after refusing to move from the alter.
I raise my head at the sound of footsteps coming from the hall making their way towards the alter. "You have to eat." There he goes again, how many times has he come? Ten? I shake my head without turning towards him.
There is a shifting next to me and a low groaning. I let out a sigh and continue praying. "Please Victor, let me pray in peace." Since the morning when they found me, Victor has refused to leave my side even when I didn't him near. He sat near when I wouldn't let go of mother, he held my hand during the funeral, he allowed me a moments peace and checks on me when I ask him not to. Sometimes I feel am incredible annoyance but others like now I am grateful for his company. I want to talk about my birthday, what I saw, what I felt. But where to begin?
"Does the salve help?" He nods to the nearly empty container that is placed next to me. I can't help but to crack a small smile.
"Miracles, the smells do not bother me anymore. The Tupa is an amazing plant." Another moment of silence stretches between us. "How is your arm?"
"Still sore, but nothing I canmot handle." I hear more shuffling along with a feeling of a strong hand on my arm forcing me to stand. "What about you, are you ok?" The sun shines brightly throughout the prayer hall, bathing us in its golden light. I should feel warm, hot even. Yet I feel cold, even while in this scratchy black dress.
"I do not know, I lost my mother. The world continues to go forward yet, here I am still frozen in time."
"Do you have nightmares?" Victor leads me out of the prayer hall and into the gardens. He sits me on the bench near some berry bushes.
"Nightmares, I'm too afraid to sleep." I squint my eyes against the sunshine then drop my head as I rub my temples. "I have never seen anything so feral." Right after I was found, I was taken in for questioning near the royal palace. I barely remember the carriage ride there, it just seems to blur together
They questioned me after giving me some tea and another cloak to wear. I told them what I knew, but I couldn't tell them what I saw. It was unnatural, something even I don't believe. None of the knights who were close by heard a thing. Everything in my body wanted to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs that it was impossible. How could they not hear our screaming or the wails of pain from the beast that took my mother's life. But if they didn't hear anything or see then it was my word against theirs. So, I never told them about the beast, but they continued to ask why she like that was. Why was her blood on me? Why did I look mostly unharmed? And the most important question that still even baffles me, why did was there a dagger?
Mother wasn't a violent person, she helped heal those afflicted and a faithful servant to the gods. She wouldn't have a weapon, she never condoned such a thing. Yet, there it was, a curved blade with a silver sculped handle. The blood was still there, still dark but not as dark as before. It almost appeared human. Lifting my head, I stare at Victor. "That night was filled with more questions than answers." I didn't anyone back home or temple about the dagger.
"I can imagine," He takes a seat next to me. "But why did you not heed my warning? You saw what it did, did you not?" I nod.
"Yes, it was like looking into the underworld." I bite my lip remembering what it done to my mother. Throwing her around like she was a raag doll, hearing her bones make a sickening crunch, her breath slowly leaving her body. Mother repeatedly calling me her folly, I had no idea how these words would haunt me yet give me great comfort.
I feel a warm calloused hand on top of mine, Victor wears a sad smile. I suddenly feel my shoulders sag and my body began to shake. "You did what you could." But that was the thing I didn't, I just stood there until it was too late. I was a coward, a bad daughter. Tears flow down my cheeks, a wail rips through me as I remember more and more. Warm arms wrap themselves around me and holds me close, not caring anymore I cry into his shoulder, letting out what I held in for two weeks.
I don't remember how much time passed, and I really didn't care for the first time in weeks there was peace. Victor didn't question me anymore, I didn't want to answer them, the silence between us is wonderful. "Thank you," Sitting up a tad straighter. "I feel better."
"Anytime, I-" He pauses, our faces close, the air between us turns thick, nothing bad but something that I can't describe. The space between starts to close, my mind starts to whirl and panic, Victor is getting close, is he going to do what I think he is?
"Yes?" my voice comes out just barely above a whisper.
"I li- "The sound of hurried footsteps makes us jump away form one another, forcing us on separate sides of the bench, pretending that what would have happened didn't. We see Tonni running towards us, her headwrap sloppily done her dark hair is visible from under the colorful fabric.
When she finally reaches us, she is out of breath, her eyes have a crazed look about them. "Adara, this is bad!" The words spill from her mouth so quick that I can barely understand." This is bad, very, very bad." Her hands are shaking.
Victor, who is just as confused as I am finally speaks. "Tonni what in the world are you talking about, what's wrong?" Before she can open her mouth more footsteps are heard on the garden pavement. I spot Sir Thomas and several knights following him, I turn to Tonni who has now turned pale.
"What is this about?" I manage to say once they have approached us. Sir Thomas looks pale just as Tonni, my heart climbs its way to my throat.
"They are here to," The persist shakes his head, not able to say the words that is stuck on his tongue.
"Adara Carr, you are being arrested for the murder of Magnolia Carr." The lead knight finishes for Sir Thomas. My heart stops, the air is thin, I can't breathe I'm being arrested, for killing my mother? I didn't kill her, everyone here knows that … do they?
I look around at the faces, the apprentices of the temple have gathered along the edges of the garden, their faces are a mix of shock and disappointment. Beside me I see Victor staring at me, fear clearly on his face. "I did no such thing." Raising my voice making sure those who were further away heard me.
"Yes, you've said that before, but her blood was all over you and you were the only other person present." The leader steps closer to me with cuffs in hand. "Do not make this any more difficult than it needs to be." I look over at Sir Thomas one more time as the cuffs were placed on me, the weight of the chain nearly makes me drop.
"Please, Sir Thomas this is a mistake, say something!" Two more knights come to me and holds my arm on each side, escorting me out.
"I am sorry Adara, may Fai have mercy on your soul." I struggle against knights, twisting myself to this time face Victor, hoping that he'll say something. Mention the beast, he's seen it but; he stands there too a lose of words next to Tonni who couldn't stop shaking. My captures hold fast, tightening their grasp on me, hurting me, I may even have a bruise. They ignore my protests even when I wail as they drag me away.