Elizabeth understood why the army did the things they did, and she even felt it was one of the better options, but that was why she was terrified! She could feel her personality and morality become increasingly twisted. Weighing lives on a scale, treating everything like a game… This was not someone that she wanted to be! When did this start happening? Although she was never the pacifistic person to believe that all lives were precious, she still believed that killing was a heavy sin that no one should commit. Lives were not that cheap! However, ever since she began her royal training in Castle Reinhard, her perspective began to change. She started viewing things from the bigger picture, looking at the overall state of things, rather than the individual parts. Consequently, individual lives were no longer considered!
The tragedy that unfolded here was the same. From an overall point of view, it was the correct decision. Potential threats needed to be removed for the safe progression of the war campaign. Nothing more. Elizabeth understood it yet… a tiny bit of her inside was screaming out in protest. What was this madness? Killing four thousand four hundred defenseless commoners for the sake of the big picture, was it not the same as New Havens? The Xingyuu Empire wanted to occupy the floating isle for their operations, so her people were massacred. So, by doing this now, she was the same as those monsters that destroyed her home! She grinded her teeth in frustration and smashed her fist into the walls.
"Damn it!"
She stayed sitting on the ground for who knows how long, but the suns began to set on the horizon. Despite her aching legs and her tear-stained face, she did not budge, as if that simple act was enough to atone for her sins. A deep crimson fiery glow crept into the room which Elizabeth could tell was from the memorial service. The people were beginning to light the pyres. With how many deceased, it would probably last late into the evening. That realization was enough for a heartfelt sigh from Elizabeth. She did not feel like doing anything.
"Elizabeth? Are you awake?" a soft voice came from the door.
"Auntie Christina?"
"The handmaidens were worried about you because you refused to eat anything. Is everything alright?"
"… I want to be alone."
"Elizabeth… what happened wasn't your fault. You shouldn't blame yourself."
"But I had the power to stop it, didn't I?"
Her voice was soft but piercing to her aunt's ears. Lady Christina fell silent. The cruelty and darkness of this world was something very real, something that she could not cover up with flowery words of comfort. If Elizabeth wanted to stand at the top of this world, reigning as the queen of the Alzar Kingdom, then this reality was something that she had to face! It was her fate! Still… Lady Christina felt pain. She watched over Elizabeth since the girl was a baby. Because she never had children of her own, she treated Elizabeth like her own daughter. How could she not understand what the girl was feeling? The duality of Brigade Commander Christina Kalmar and Auntie Christina conflicted inside her. She…
"Commander!" Benedict saluted the woman as she walked over.
"At ease, Sir Benedict. I'm no longer your commanding officer," Lady Christina said, her expression unusually gloomy. "Did you three meet Elizabeth yet?"
"We did, but…" Shirley felt pensive.
"She chased us out," Freon added. "Is something wrong?"
"You too, huh?" the woman sighed. "To be honest with you, she refused her meals and forbid anyone from entering her room. If it was back on New Havens, that might not be a problem; however, she's the heir apparent of the Alzar Kingdom now. She has responsibilities and duties to tend to. With everyone watching her every move, it isn't appropriate if she remains holed up in her room."
"You want us to do something about it, right?" Shirley eyed her sharply.
"That's right," Lady Christina smiled wryly. "You're her closest friends, so you should have better luck than me. I'll leave her to you then."
"Hold on a second. I didn't agree to anything."
"Shirley?" Freon and Benedict were surprised.
"What do you mean?" the woman frowned, a faint sense of displeasure growing on her brow.
"I won't help someone who's dishonest."
"Dishonest? I didn't lie to you about anything."
"Shirley, Commander Christina is a Brigade Commander!" Benedict whispered from the side. "We shouldn't anger her!"
"Not to mention, she's a Grand Lady of the Highguard Household, and the cousin of the late Lord Korogin Highguard!" Freon muttered with a hint of fear.
Although they were Elizabeth's friends, which theoretically made them some of the most influential people in the army, that was an unofficial, imaginary status. Without Elizabeth, they did not have any real substantial authority. Bickering with a genuine Grand Lady from a Grand Nobility Household, which stood right underneath the Royal Family, seemed like a terrible idea!
"Relax, I'm not going to do anything," Lady Christina snapped annoyedly.
She might hail from the Highguard Household, but she was far from the norm and none of her peers treated her well. This was not surprising, considering her unusual position as Brigade Commander. The other Grand Nobles believed it was below their status to deal with 'lowly' duties such as the military. In many ways, she was like Benedict. Both were outcasts in the upper echelons of society.
"You said that you wanted to help Elizabeth because it would affect her duties as the heir apparent of the Alzar Kingdom, right?" Shirley glared at the woman. "That's why I said you're being dishonest with yourself. You should just say you're worried about her. Why bother lying to us?"
Lady Christina was dumbfounded because Shirley was right. Just like Elizabeth, who felt crushed by the weight of her responsibility as heir apparent, she felt the same way. She wanted to carry out her duties as a Brigade Commander of the Alzar Kingdom in doing 'what was right'. However, it was dishonest to her true feelings, so the façade of Brigade Commander Christina was a convenient lie to use. She thought that no one would notice her inner turmoil, but who would have thought that Shirley would catch on so quickly? Despite that, the woman's shoulders eventually relaxed, and she cracked a smile. It was like a large burden was lifted from her shoulders. Elizabeth was lucky to have friends this considerate.
"You're right. I'm asking you because I'm worried about that girl. The journey she decided to embark on will be a lonely and dark one, so I hope you three will stick by her side to the very end. Help her out where I can't. Please consider this a request from a meddlesome aunt," Lady Christina said.
"Don't worry, we'll figure something out," Shirley replied. "You can leave Elizabeth to us!"
"I'll leave it to you then."
Watching the woman take her leave, Freon groaned. "We were lucky that Lady Christina took everything in stride. If she was another Grand Lady… Please don't do anything like that again. It's not good for my heart."
"We were chased out by Elizabeth before too," Benedict added. "Do you have anything in mind?"
"I do have one," Shirley said, glancing at the city square below.
In a few minutes, the trio was standing in front of Elizabeth's door again. Previously, they had free reign and could enter and exit this room as they pleased. That was a privilege that Elizabeth granted to them only. Sir Winstin and the other guards knew this too, so they respected her wishes, doing nothing to stop them from barging in uninterrupted last time. However, things changed now since Elizabeth was no longer in the mood to entertain guests. Sir Winstin was standing by with a cold indifferent air. Although he knew they would not, he would stop them if they tried anything. The sheer pressure the man radiated was enough for these three to sweat.
"Sir Winstin, we…"
The man nodded knowingly. "You can speak your piece and I won't stop you. However, you cannot enter unless Her Highness permits it."
"I know," Shirley said, stepping up to the door with a heavy air. "Elizabeth, are you in there?" Silence answered her, but she knew that Elizabeth must be intentionally ignoring them. "Elizabeth… I know you can hear me. I also know what you're thinking… that those four thousand four hundred deaths were on you. That's why you're sulking in your room and refusing to talk to anyone, right? If that's the case, then I'm really disappointed in you!"
"…" Benedict and Freon were speechless again. Was it not normal to speak words of encouragement rather than criticism? Nevertheless, Shirley had a strange way to get what she wanted, so they held their tongue.
She continued, "If you're really feeling sorry about everyone that died, then the least you could do is get out of your room and attend the memorial service! Honor the fallen and vow to never let it happen again! The Elizabeth I know would do that!"
Everyone held their breath and waited for a reply. A minute, two minutes, three minutes later… a haggard Elizabeth said, "They wouldn't want me there. I don't deserve to be there."
"Who cares what other people think? As long as your heart is in the right place, that's all that matters." Shirley decided to strike while iron was hot and added, "And if you're really concerned about being noticed, we can always wear cloaks to cover up our appearances and sneak out. That shouldn't be a problem, right?"
"…" This time, Sir Winstin was the speechless one. She was talking about sneaking Elizabeth out right in front of him! Throughout his time as Protector, he had never seen anyone quite as brave or stupid as Shirley. He did not know whether to laugh or to cry.