(Whispers)

Whisper,

"Let me drag you into the darkness. Where there's no pain, nor fear and suffering. With this story to torture your thoughts, every words like daggers that will pierce through the dept's of your imagination and tends to vanquish your views of reality. Come with me."

I was awaken by a silent voice that murmurs into my ear. Quite odd to hear such thing knowing that i was the only one here. Alone, it's dark, wet and cold but i can't feel anything anymore. I'm dead inside and so was this rotten body. Fagged out to think about tomorrow or look back at yesterday. None of it makes sense for i will and will always be staying here.

Sleep Paralysis:

"Sleep paralysis is when, during awakening or falling asleep, one is aware but unable to move. [1][2] During an episode, one may hear, feel, or see things that are not there.[1] It often results in fear.[1] Episodes generally last less than a couple of minutes.[2] It may occur as a single episode or be recurrent.[1" (c) wiki.

Try to put yourself into my coffin. In this four corners of tight void of darkness six feet below the ground. I used to have nightmares, figures in shadows that seems like lurking around me. I tried to scream but my voice won't come out, I tried to move but I can't even blink my eye, I plead for help, i did. Make no sense to fear such things for a dead man breathing. I became one with the shadows, lurking, trying to find a way out of this endless suffering. May you see this as the atonement of my sins? Death is what I'm longing for, an end to my consciousness. The smell of rotten flesh fills my surrounding and yet I'm aware of where it came from. The cold zephyr that I can't feel but know that it's there embracing me. It's been a pit of misery and the very epitome of loneliness.

Time became worthless, seconds like gold drops away along with the current, minutes turned into infinite unbearable stabbed of realization that this emptiness keeps on hunting me. Hours pushes me to be schizophrenic. I don't know anymore. My old self is long dead and gone. And so the fragments of my fading memories. May this memento i kept along guide me on my way back if I can and not forbid to. I'm drowning in this sea of silence. The demon inside me that i fought for so long has already left. He will be miss.

Whispers:

"We all have our own demons, a war inside ourselves. Poisoning our soul to the edge of despair. Tame them or make friends with them. In any way, they're the only one who will never leave you alone."

The old wood creeks as the rain pours from above my grave. Water drippings slowly weakens this crib which was probably made from gallows.

I'm lost, thou I'm here. No one remembers me. I haven't heard a single voice even my own. Deft with the screams from my mind, blinded by the darkness around me, behind all this burdens, I keep on asking if He is even listening. Is this the life after death? Am I talking from my soul or I'm the soul that solely exist to suffer from this hell? Is this really the hell or I'm just being ready for more sufferings. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. As you are reading this, try to think, if the time comes that you'll be in the same fate as mine. Laid to decay with your consciousness awake. With your soul wondering hopelessly in this space of emptiness.

The beginning,

"Under the northern star, I look up in the sky, my hands on my chest, "what a good time to die", my great escape away from reality. My last shot, before I say goodbye, a bottle of poison to take on the road, so long my friend for soon I'll be dead.

Tragic as it seems but ends like I planned to. No more idealism, the ignominy i feared from my imperfection, the end of all the pain. I myself, poisoned by this world i have live and love."

"Enough I say!" Whispers, voices at the back of my head. He sings, he talks, cries and scream, whisper things that I can't even barely listen to. I'm numb, but the feeling is unbearable. So much for reminding me the past, my sins and the things that I never did for the people i cared.

For a second, silent fills this void. Before a loud beats from my heart starts pumping, as it trembles and the hype of excitement, the cringe that there must be something to lift me, hold me, guide me, a chance of life. A chance to turn back the time.

(Down)

I'm dying, behind this crooked smile, I'm losing my grip of realization about the purpose of my existence.

Not being part of a bigger reason to live,

Nor a reason to go against the current,

The waves push me back to the shore where I'm hopeless,

This ripple of thoughts that whisper and scream inside my head telling me that I'm no longer needed.

I'm dying,

Numb,

But still trying to hide this feeling,

I'm lost but I'm here,

Shaking, trembling to pull the trigger,

My great escape away from reality, pain and agony,

Away from this world that have forsaken me,

I need a reason to live, and yet I couldn't find any,

Or Am I tired of looking anymore.

Farewell

(War)

There's a war inside my head,

An endless battle fueled by hate,

Torturing my soul that is trap by my own twisted demons.

I'm lost in this game of hide and seek.

I tried to run away and forgive, but the past keeps on hunting me.

When will I can escape this shadow that holds me back?

This scar that you've made are too deep to fade, but still, I'm trying to look forward.

I'll wager my life that you once stole just to see your blood on my hand.

By then, I'll bury all this hatred, forgive and forget, along with your rotting body beneath the cold earth.

(Thought's)

And on my death bed, a smile will be drawn on my face,

This song will play, so nostalgic it seems,

Cheers for those good old memories,

Ill raise my hand up to touch the sky,

I spent my life the way I want it to be,

As I go through the light,

Each step I'll refrain all the good times,

The fall and those part where I stand my ground,

Along with my friends family and foes,

This is my last poem for you to remember me,

So pack up my sticks and a snare would be fine,

Up there I'll sure to sing you a lullaby,

Again cheers for those good old memories,

Last shot maybe if its fine I'll see,

Last shot so by then I will be partying with the devil in me,

All those hate will be buried, alongside my grave,

The love will remain on this earth that forsaken me,

And thou I will do my best to make it up to all,

May in this song that I wrote on my death bed,

Somehow you will remember me.

(Past)

I'm fine even though I'm not,

Chasing the ghost of my past,

As if I can still make things right this time,

Running away from what I'm used to be,

Reaching for a glimpse of hope that something or someone is there waiting for me on the other side,

Trying to set myself free from the pain I'm struggling in,

I know that I made mistakes,

Wasted my time on things that trap me in this page where I can't turn back or turn into the next page of this story,

Life is a mystery, I'm tired but still can't stop,

Your smile is my reason to try,

From where I stand as long as I can see those smile drawn on your face,

Nothing is impossible,

It won't hurt to try,

I'm willing to take the risk anyway,

A thousand steps just to see those smile,

Yes I'm fine, but still not enough to say I'm okay enough to stay,

Stay for someone I look forward to be with but all I can do is to look up for that day that I can be the reason for that smile,

For now, I'll be here, waiting, watching, a gun on my hand ready to take on whoever takes my place on your side.

(Emptiness)

In this silent midst of emptiness I choose to stay,

Far from the screaming reality that there is nothing for me out there,

If I wake up, by then please help me sleep again,

I need to escape, just please let me.

If this is the life after death, please let me stay.

I'll lay my head on the ground and watch the stars in the sky,

Taking hold of everything that reminds me of the past,

And slowly letting them go along with the hopes that I used to have.

The contentment that embrace my being,

The silence, as if I'm deft,

The cure for all the pain that I'm in,

Please don't wake me up,

Just let me stay here,

And in my wake, let everyone know that I'm in a good place.

A place where I can truly be myself,

Without the mask of being somebody for someone I,

I don't care anymore.

(Help)

I run as far as I can, and yet my demons keep on following me,

All hopes in my mind, but still i stand in the edge of despair,

Darkness in my eyes, a blank path in which i tend to go,

I heard the sirens that this is where it all ends,

Will anyone respond to my call of despair?

I took a step forward hoping that this could be my escape and yet I keep on falling as if there will be no end to this silent dark pit,

Hear my heart please will you give me a chance, or at least look at my eyes as I drown in this river of endless suffering,

Give me a reason to smile,

A reason to look forward for tomorrow,

Give me a sign,

A sign that I'm still needed in this world that doesn't even know I exist,

Far from home that I thought were I belong,

Someone please say that I'm needed,

Anyone please.

(Your friend)

There once a friend who told me,

That everything will be okay,

From then I assure to myself,

That anything might happen but I will be still standing,

Growing up is not easy,

All the struggles, those point in life that tells you that you just don't fit in,

In the corner of the room where I tried to blend,

A book in my hand that i tried to read,

Those words in my head that I tried to live on,

Those words in my head,

Your words,

Your words that everything will be okay,

Far enough from where I'm standing,

I guess those words are still just words at the end, a story for me to soon to be unfold,

And yes growing up is not easy,

That book in my hand, my escape away from the madness that this world is pushing me into,

Into the place, my place they keep on saying,

A place where I'm alone, no one to talk to,

No friend, no anyone, no one to tell my story,

But I keep on believing with those words you said,

That everything will be okay

Ignoring the fact that I'm alone,

This loneliness that creeps through my head,

I just can't help to cry but still I cant afford to shed a tear,

You know why?

Because I still believe that everything will be okay,

Everything will be okay,

Everything, as you said so.

So rest my friend, for you will always be remembered,

My only friend,

Hang on there for soon I'll be with you.

-your friend

(Life)

As death is unavoidable

as life is something not to take for granted,

as those memories may fade,

as the light slowly dim until there is only darkness,

like the hope that you once hold,

there is nothing permanent.

All ends up six feet under your grave where no one knows what's ahead of it.

It's always been a gift to live, to enjoy things that you want to,

as short as it seems, for as long as your creating memorable memories with those who matters,

thou you can't take it to the grave,

as long as you can have something to leave to be remembered for the good things you did,

it will be all fine.

(Rain)

as the rain drops, pour and stops,

My hands tremble with guilt and fear,

Knowing that this might be my last shot of beer,

With my first shot to end it all,

A glock in my hand, a bullet full of promise that there is an escape away to this reality,

Shaking like hell as I lay on my bed,

An eternal sleep like what I've always wanted on a dull Monday mornings, this might be my answer to the everyday hate that this world has vested upon me.

Kudos my fellow shit bags, I'm ready to go,

Thank you for the memories, we had a good run,

Life for me is a puzzle which I cannot solve, or I guess,

I just choose to give up and let go,

Tick tock tick tock

This glock is ready to pop,

The voices in my head are awake,

Waiting for me to shut,

Or shoot my brains out,

And before I say goodb....

(The chase)

Hell hounds on the hall, I run as fast as I can not knowing what is after me,

Took a right turn without knowing that it is a dead end,

My heart beats fast as I hear it pump my blood through this vain infested with guilt and loneliness,

Trying to outrun my past and here I am on the corner where death is unavoidable,

Behind the shadows he growls,

Whispers and scream all those thought that I used to dwell inside my head,

As it comes near me, out in the shadow and the dim light that separates me from the realization of what have I done,

It's all in my head, it's all in my head!

There is no hell hound but just me in front of the mirror,

In a mirror where I see my past trying to eat the soul out of me,

I cannot save my self away from this void,

This is the end.

(None)

None

I heard your voice and still there is no one out there,

Yeah

It's just in my mind where you play and pull me into your despair,

The laughter and song's you sung are all stock up in my mind,

The danger of walking a step near you push me back like it's just a game of hide and seek,

Seeking for the truth, seeking for what's behind those beautiful smile.

I keep on falling for all those lies,

With all those smile's,

I'm lost inside my mind,

Inside my head where you're at.

(Hope)

There is no place that i rather want to be,

Other than being with you,

A place where i am me, and you are you,

Lost in the sound of silence, whispers, words like i love you,

Dreams that we've made, under the moon light with that smile drawn on your face,

Say's it all that indeed you are the world for me,

You are perfect the way who you are, like a creamer and a coffee, we are meant to be,

I'm your jack and you are my sally,

My rose that i will never let go,

A dream come true to hear that you love me too.

-

(Broken)

A promise has been broken,

Failure to hold on unto those things that really matters,

Broken and confuse on how to start again,

Each breath seems to be the last or as I hope now it will be,

Lost in your absence,

The bridge that connects us slowly falls with the memories shuttered into debris,

How could I still exist when I have no more reason to live?

The guilt and sadness sucks the life out of me,

As I stare into the empty space while my mind flew from how to face this reality,

Thoughts of giving up on life begins to be an option,

As I lay on my bed, with all the hopes I close my eyes.

To the man up there please let me turn back the time,

If not, to the reaper, you can say hello so I can say my goodbye.

Goodbye to this life that was long lost since she left me behind, or it was me who took things up for granted.

I deserved this. She don't deserved me.

(Goodbye)

d.n

And so I waved goodbye into my past self,

The old me, the one that I used to be.

So long with all those smiles and on to the fake ones.

With this same hearth in a different beat.

With this same me in a different soul.

With the same demons on a different battle.

Same ground as a different warrior.

I'll carry the hate along with all the changes,

and burry the hope that I used to hold.

(Cup)

How much it will take to fill a cup,

or a glass made of fragile emotions to erase what has been done.

As it shutters with all the failures that has been already poured upon the cracks of dreams we all used to have.

How much it will take to fill a cup?

A cup of hope for those fading memories,

a glimpse of light for those who mourn for their tomorrow.

A lending hand for those in need,

or a knife for those who choose to give up.

How much it will take to fill a cup?

Half empty half full they say,

But the one I'm holding holds all the pain.

A cup full of promise that have long failed and gone,

Please someone tell me what it takes to fill this cup.

The lost and regrets that freeze my hand,

how I wish to see how this will end,

an end or a future that this cup may bring,

or rather a poison to end all my suffering.

(Hatred)

He who grows hatred upon others can only harvest hatred itself for himself,

Be contented of what you have,

Be forgiving to those who lost their path and done things unto you,

Be someone's light to get them back to the rail on their way home.

Be a bridge that connects others to the peace they have been looking for,

Just be that person full of positive thoughts,

Even thou you, your own self is lost.

Life goes on, not just for you but also for them.

You may gave up but at least don't pull them down with you.