Everyone has those moments in life where they're told, "Relax"
It's way easier said than done.
I know when I have panic attacks my world feels like it's melting.
I can't see straight and I feel like I'm suffocating.
Are anyone else's panic attacks like that?
When the world looks so gray it's hard to "Relax"
Instead, I keep breathing.
Kinda like dory's song "just keep swimming"
Just keep breathing.
This past week has been very hard on me.
I've been to the hospital twice, 3 doctors appointments and lots of tests.
I've been having problems with my stomach and it's getting worse.
I've lost close to 10lbs, and I have a hard time eating or drinking.
I'm now on 4 different medicines to control the nausea and vomiting.
They've found out that my liver isn't working as well as it should be.
Not to the point that it's failing, but to the point I need blood work done once a week.
Hopefully it will start working better on it's own.
I haven't told my son, because I'm scared.
See my son is only 5 but he's way too mature.
He grew up in a single family home and we've never been very wealthy.
He's very considerate.
He holds my hair when I puke and rubs my back when the pain gets too bad.
He sees me not eating and tries to spoon feed me.
I'm scared that these will be lasting memories.
I never wanted him to see his mother become so weak and frail.
I've always been his pillar of strength, but now he's become mine.
If you have anything going on lately that's making you feel less than strong.
Remember, you are strong.
Just keep breathing.
Because we are surviving.
-Kristen Beardslee
Finally living again.