Warning:
This chapter contains some sensitive, traumatic triggering scenarios. Proceed with caution. You've been warned.
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"Thank you, I appreciate the gesture but you don't have to. I'm fine living like this. Someday I can earn those again so I don't really mind. And besides, I don't need that much money anyway."
She said there's a hint of bitterness in her voice as she remembered what she have been through.
The truth is, in the past, she had thoughts of killing herself when she's alone.
Without her life's purpose she drown herself in alcohol just to forget everything that happened in the past 12 months.
She drank herself to sleep, but would be awaken by her brother's deathly pale face as blood slowly drips out of his lifeless body.
Like a broken record, everything seems to be repetitive and happened right infront of her eyes. her life becomes monotonous and dull, her nightmares will haunt her at night and during the day everything was just boring and uneventful.
She sometimes wonder how in the past 12 months she was able to still be alive.
She blamed herself for being a coward and not having the guts to end her life.
Madam Pearl's blind dates set ups would sometimes break her from her mundane routine, but after her dates, suicidal thoughts would enter her mind.
She would then hesitate to commit with someone knowing that sooner or later, when she have the courage and the right push to jump off the edge of her meaningless life, she would leave everyone behind.
So she distant herself, she knows it would be unfair being attach to someone when she herself was on the verge of letting go and ending her life.
Money, companionship all doesn't matter to her. At some point she even tried cutting herself with her dagger.
The knife was already cutting through her skin.
Drunk, she was immune to the physical pain. Yet the mental and emotional pain she felt was overwhelming that she could no longer stand it.
Slowly. As she trembles and cried and ask for forgiveness for the thing that she was about to commit, she suddenly received a call from her young miss asking her to visit her in her apartment.
After receiving the call, she throw the dagger away from her. She wipe her tears and look at herself in the mirror.
Her skin looks pale and her lips were all dried and colorless.
Small beads of cold sweat cover her body, Tears uncontrollably ran down her face and blood trickle down the floor, she was still shivering, her legs turn limp as the thought of her being dead flashed through her mind.
She almost did it. If not for Tia's call she would be lying on the cold floor all alone as life slowly leave her body.
She took a deep breath, she realize that it's still not too late for her, as long as her young miss needs her she still have a purpose.
Even though its just a menial task, if she heard her young miss' call. She would be there. So the thoughts of her ending her life was pushed at the back of her mind.
It was a wake up call for her. She hugged herself and cried before she hurriedly dressed her wound.
She then went to her young miss and accompanied her.
While with her young miss, she acted as if nothing happened.
She doesn't know it, but Tia notice her wound but pretended that she's unaware.
Worried for Rin Chan's welfare, she then asked her husband that she would be observing Rin Chan.
She explained what she saw, at first Ian who was the ever so overprotective husband of hers was reluctant to allow her of her plans.
He told her that he would only agree if she would have his subordinates guard her all the time.
Tia doesn't have a choice but to accept his conditions, and so she have been remotely working from the tea shop everyday together with Rin Chan's cousins and the whole core unit surrounding the perimeter just so she could check up on Rin-Rin.