"Hena you've barely eaten dinner. What's wrong?" Jasper asked.
He was right. I hadn't even taken one bite from the chicken nuggets that Joey made for me. I had eaten one french fry.
"I'm not that hungry," I responded softly. I turned my head slightly to look at Joey, his face ached of worry.
"Please just eat all the french fries, or all the chicken nuggets," Joey pleaded, "You have to eat something Carla."
I picked up a french fry and ate it.
"Better?"
I ached. Ached from the loss. I missed them. Everyone. It had been two years since everyone died.
I never handled grief well. I burned down a city and killed one of the last Cachion Henas because I thought she killed Carter.
And now what?
I'm starving because I can't bring myself to eat without them around. I see them in everything.
I see Carter in every smile that's given to me. Everytime someone grabs my arm and tells me not to run off, I see Carter.
I see Will in every torch around the castle. It reminds me of when he burnt down the prison to save Madelyn and Liam.
Every math equation reminds me of Madelyn. Everytime we go over strategies and Joey starts doing the math, I see Madelyn helping Carter and I figure out how big the houses have to be to fit them all in Lionsville.
I see Liam and Carter breaking tables everytime I see one.
Every vase reminds me of Penelope, the way she hid behind them everytime we played hide and seek.
Every innocent animal reminds me of Kate. Those were her favorite to shift into.
Everything that's purple reminds me of Kathy's energy blast.
I had to take down the painting of Hannah and Nathan because I cried everytime I saw it.
Catalina's collar was put away as well.
I've never handled grief well.
I found myself staring into the fire in the livingroom. About a day or two after the chicken nugget incident. I blankly stared, watching the flames go up and down.
Kaida walked in. She was slow and quiet with each step. She seemed to not want to scare me but also not be so abrupt.
"Mom?"
My head turned and she smiled with all her teeth. Somehow just that simple action had almost forced a smile out of me. The word. Charlotte's, Rachel's, and Henry's faces flashed through my head. Their voices asking to talk the same way Kaida just did.
I took a deep breath yet my voice still came out broken and cracking, "Yeah Babygirl?"
Kaida sat beside me and looked up at me. She smiled again but it quickly faded to a slight frown. She stared into the fire just like I had been; her hand laid softly on my knee.
"Uncle Joey told me what happened to Uncle Eclipse and Aunt Gena, and why you've been so sad." Her voice was monotone and shared the same griefing tone as mine had.
"Yeah honey- um-"
"They were family," Kaida said with a shrug, "I understand. I've been sad too."
"We'll see them again Kaida," I said as I tried to cheer her up. My voice unchanging.
"Then why are you so sad?" Kaida asked curiously.
I looked over at her.
"Well you see," I tried to manage a laugh but my voice was still cracking from trying not to cry, "It's gonna be a long time until I see them again, and I'm all alone now."
Tears started to roll down my cheeks.
"You're not alone mommy," she hugged me with such a needing that I pulled her into my lap and held her.
"I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you," I whispered to her through tears.
There was a moment of silence before Kaida spoke again.
"Can you tell me about your family?"
"Well-" I paused to swallow the frog in my throat from crying. "My family consisted of-"
And that day I told Kaida the whole story up to that point. Every detail that had happened, every dialogue, every event, every person's story was told. I spent the entire night answering her questions about everyone, telling her the stories of how I got to be where I was, and the only person I told about Matthew. I told her the stories until she fell asleep in my lap.
I carried her up the steps with care, making sure she did not wake from her dream state. I set her down in her bay window bed and tucked her in tightly. I smiled down at her, her eyes fluttered through her dreaming. I kissed her forehead and spoke softly, "Thank you little dragon. You helped me today."