"The more temptations you resist, the stronger you get." -Sachi
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Have you ever felt like sometimes there is a voice in your head telling you that all you're doing is wrong? That I should probably just give up, or even to the point of committing harm to others for your own benefit? Well, that's how I've been feeling since, pretty much since I was born.
This strange voice awakened when I was five years old, already telling me that I should stop trying to do things, that all the effort I put on making friends it's all futile. My eyes were always entirely black, including my sclera; for that reason, many kids never really wanted to be friends with me because they thought I was weird… but in the end, I found someone that accepted me even though I was different.
As clingy as I am, I wanted to be more than friends with this person, but day by day I see other girls getting even closer to him than I can since they live with him.
"You're not good enough… you're NOTHING compared to them." Be quiet… I can deal with it just fine.
I was resting on the backboard of my bed. I live in an Inn since I work here they allow me to sleep here for free, and since I'm basically poor, this is very lucky for me.
Almost every day I wake up depressed, this voice just won't stop bringing me down.
I have been living my whole life alone, no-one has helped me, and no one has ever asked if I was ok.
I tried to get up and start the new day, but as much as I wanted I just felt like staying in bed for the whole day and sleeping; either way, I'll just be having nightmares after nightmares…
"Just listen to me, and we could fix all these problems in a blink of an eye." I learned to ignore this voice and go on with life, but it gets harder and harder each day that passes.
An hour later I decided to finally get up and go buy some food since I was running short on it. I started walking through the plaza with my hoodie on so I wouldn't cast much attention, I was looking around and saw many couples together walking holding hands or kissing in a corner.
"That will never be you. That kid is already doing these things with the other girls." That's not true! "I can give you everything you want, I can give you that kid if you wanted, just let me out." I don't need your help!
Walking around gave me a lot of memories about the first time that Rukito showed me around town, we even went to a local restaurant, and he paid for my food… I looked down at my ring and said,
"How much do I have left in here? Probably like 50…" That's enough to buy some instant food. Rukito wanted to give me a lot of money so I could buy what I needed, but I couldn't accept it, as hard as I wanted to. I bought what I needed and paid with my ring. Now I only have 5 Crystalis left… I started walking back to the inn when a couple bumped into my basket and made all my fruits fall on the ground.
"Hey! Watch where you're going, weirdo!" I stayed silent and picked up everything.
"Bash their heads with a rock, Sachi. Show them how to behave!" I said SHUT UP!
I got up and started walking home again, this time looking up, so I don't bump into anyone.
I am also unable to cry, as much as I want to sometimes I just can't… I guess these eyes don't allow me. With the fact that I was never able to cry, since I was a little kid I was never able to call the attention of adults or of other kids by crying; showing how much suffering I was going through to other people through tears wasn't an option for me, so I had to live my whole live suffering by myself, in a corner when no one could notice.
I got back to the inn, my boss called my phone, and I picked up.
"Y-Yes?"
"Sachi I need to talk to you in my office."
"Yes, sir!" I walked up to his office and sat on the chair parallel to his.
"Sachi, I've been getting bad things from customers."
"What do you mean?"
"They have been complaining about you… they are saying that you need to be more social and happier."
"I-I'm sorry boss… I don't think I can do that."
"I know, that's why… you're fired Sachi."
"W-What?! N-No, sir! You don't understand!" I rushed towards him. "I need this job, if I don't I'll be living in the side of the street!"
"Sorry Sachi, that's just how business works, you start negatively impacting my business, you get fired."
"Please, sir! I'll do anything!"
"Anything?"
"Y-Yes!" He looked down at my chest.
"Then I guess we can come to an agreement."
"H-Huh?" He got up and grabbed my butt.
"How about we have a little fun…" I slapped him and stepped back.
"Don't touch me!"
"Tsk, you stupid bitch! Leave my inn now! And you're also expelled from the school!" I rushed away from his office, going to my room and locking it. I laid on my bed hugging my pillow in sadness and sorrow.
"Rukito… please help me."
"I can help you."
"C-Can you really?"
"Yes, I can fix everything for you."
"O-Ok."
"Just relax… and let your mind and soul drift away." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was starting to get sleepy and lose consciousness, I felt my whole body shaking, and then… my mind just went blank.