It was dark. I couldn't see anything although I doubt anything is around me. In this void I call a dream, there is always nothing but that voice… and that creature that lurks within the shadows. Its always there but I couldn't see it. I can feel it lurking around but never striking.
'Its just a dream. Its just a dream. Its not real and you're going to wake up… soon enough.'
The nights are repetitive and so is this. It doesn't go away. It was always the same. Sometimes, I feel not one but multiple of them here.
'But its just a dream. Its all just a bad dream.'
Keep on walking, I hugged myself for some warmth. It was freezing here; the hairs on the back of my neck standing. I couldn't hear a sound as well. I couldn't hear myself breath or my footsteps.
Stopping when I saw a spark of light on the distance, I turned back when I felt something brush up on my back. There was nothing even if I tried to squint my eyes to get a better look.
I shrugged it off after a few moments and followed where the light is. I even ran but I still can't hear a sound.
Stopping when the light disappeared, I find myself standing in front of the mirror.
It has a delicately carved wooden frame around the round glass mirror. It swirled around the glass with a few leaves and flowers on some edges. Looking at my reflection, I only saw myself. The mirror was glowing, giving me a dim light to see myself.
Darkness surrounds me and I can only see myself in the mirror. I stared at the girl in front of me, her frost white hair fell loosely on her shoulders and on her back, the pale complexion looked like she was sick and a few freckles were splattered over the bridge of her nose. I stared straight at her round bluish purple eyes. It wasn't a normal eye color. It was rather weird.
I tilted my head but the girl in the mirror remained still. She wasn't particularly looking at me. Her gaze pierce through me and into the unknown oblivion that I was in.
I felt something brush against my legs this time, triggering me to turn around again but I still can't see anything. It was either fast, concealed or I can't truly see it. It gave me goosebumps all over my arms and legs. I needed to do something before it gets me.
I don't actually know if it will hurt me… but its better to be safe than sorry.
"Hello? Can you hear me?" I asked the girl which made her look at me with a monotone expression.
"I need help. Something's following me. I think it wants to hurt me." I tried asking for help but the girl only looked at me with the same expression on her face as if it didn't hear me or couldn't understand me.
I tried reaching out for the girl, only for the mirror to ripple as my finger came closer to touch it. The girl was starting to disappear as the mirror continued to ripple.
"Wait!" I tried reaching through the mirror, only for it to shatter and an ear piercing shriek suddenly echoed all through the oblivion.
I couldn't cover my ears as suddenly, the ground vanished beneath my feet and I fell. I couldn't scream and I couldn't cover my ears from the painful high pitched scream of a girl.
My body felt weightless as I kept falling into nothing with the shards near me. I tried to cover my face from it with my arms when suddenly, something pulled at it to be placed tightly behind my back; bounded like there was an invisible rope constricting me.
Slowly, I see a huge inhuman silhouette moving, floating towards me as I floated mid air with glass shards potentially falling on me if there was a chance that gravity will work again. It glided with snake like grace but I could see that it was huge. It looked quite like a dark fog. It didn't look particularly solid but it was gas like. As it descended down on me, the glass shards parted to the side as if it was making way for the creature.
A chill ran up my spine as it stopped directly in front of me, a few feet away but still so close. My breathing started becoming rapid and my heart was starting to raise out of fear and anxiety. I can slowly feel the pressure on my ears as my heart kept raising.
Suddenly, it opened its glowing blood red eyes ever so slowly and it revealed its two sets of razor sharp teeth in a horrifying grin. It was taunting me and I couldn't do anything about it. When it opened its mouth, it released a loud shriek that pierced my ears. I tried to scream as well but no sound came out of my open mouth.
Struggling to break free from the invisible bounds on my arms, tears started falling down my cheek. The terrifying creature released black thick tendrils from its smoky body. It stretched long from its back reaching up to me until wrapped it around the vine like tendrils on my neck, strangling me. It became harder to breath as it kept its hold on me. It forced me to arch my back, catching for air. If I had my arms free from its hold, I would've thrashed around and struggled to free myself from its vice grip on my neck. Looking directly at its pure red eyes, it gave another loud shrill scream, making me close my eyes in pain and I tried to release a scream but still, to no avail.
Snapping my eyes open, I find myself back in my room but still I couldn't breath. The monster was still here and I couldn't move as it grinned at me maliciously. I was paralyzed. I was arched like I was in my dream and I couldn't move my arms on my sides nor my legs. I feel everything but I couldn't control my body. Tears continued to stream down my face.
Surprisingly, the monster didn't weigh anything. It was like air but its choke hold was pure strength. Its hold felt solid yet at the same time, a tight air. I was already running out of air.
I was about to give up as I looked up again at its eyes. That's when it gave another shriek but this time, it was as if it was in pain and afraid. It released its hold on my neck and I finally can breath. I gasp for air and sat up quickly, holding my neck.
It was throbbing red from the tight painful grip. The shadow monster backed away as it whimpered until I blinked and it disappeared so suddenly; dispersing into thin air.
Coughing up, I tried to regain my breath. Remembering what my doctor once said, I tried to relax myself however, my mind kept going back to what happened. It shook me up that I had trouble continuing to sleep. I tried distracting myself and tried the suggestions of my doctor so my mind won't repeat what just happened awhile ago. It did the opposite. Thoughts, images, and various scenarios filled my head until I couldn't sleep and I watched the night sky slowly fill with light by the sun.
A never ending cycle that I will have to endure.
"So, the monster was still there even when you woke up?" The man in front of her asked, sitting on a chair and holding a clipboard.
His observant brown eyes watched me like a hawk, noting every little move I make. It would be uncomfortable but it was always like this since I was 11. This therapies always happen once a week and if ever I needed an emergency therapy, I can come in anytime. It was one of the perks of your mom having a friend who is a psychiatrist.
"Dr. Ember, I know it sounds crazy but it was really there even when I woke up. I couldn't move because of it. It was strange. It was like it had this hold on me but I was aware of it." I tried to explain but I was never good at words.
I let out a frustrated sigh as I roughly massaged my scalp. It was getting to me. I can still remember every little detail of my dream. I can still see it even if it was already broad daylight.
"I felt it. I-I felt how it tried to choke me but I couldn't feel its weight on the rest of my body; just my neck." I tried to give him more details but I was starting to choke up.
Unconsciously, I touched my neck where it previously had its hold on me.
Seeing my distraught state, Dr. Ember sighed quietly and took off his glasses. He run a hand through his short neat golden blonde locks in thought.
"Ms. Thorne, your case isn't actually unique. I can tell that what you are experiencing is sleep paralysis – hypnopompic sleep paralysis to be exact. This is connected to your condition as usually, sleep paralysis occurs when one is stressed, when one suddenly changes their sleep schedule, or when you lack sleep." He stated, looking at me again but this time, with a soft look on his face.
"I have patients like you who have reported the same things. They usually have nightmares and when they wake up, they can't move and could see different things but always the same shadow like appearance."
"Then how do you explain my dreams?" I made it simple and short. I was getting nowhere with this but it is a plausible reason. Maybe it is true that I am experiencing sleep paralysis… but I couldn't shake off this weird feeling that it wasn't just a simple dream.
"Dreams or rather your nightmares are a result of your disorder. It also symbolizes something personal in your life. An example of that is when you saw yourself in that mirror. You said that it bear no expression and it was dull. It symbolizes that you might not be so happy with your life." Dr. Ember stood up as he continued to explain.
"You see, dreams are all about symbolism. It tells us personal things and gives us warnings and signs of what is happening with you."
He kept blabbering on and on, explaining my situation but I didn't listen.
It was the same situation as always. Not even my mom believes that this is something different… something that I know wasn't right in the exact normal sense. It wasn't just a dream.
Sighing, I hugged myself, thoughts filling my head and Dr. Ember's voice slowly becoming simple white noise. It feels so real… but if I continue on with this, they would have to start calling me insane and delusional.
My mom stepped in the room. Her long ash black hair was messy but in the sense of a natural way and her unusual purple eyes was sparked with worry and pity. I hated that. I hated getting pitied at but sometimes, I really can't do anything about it. In my state, it was something that I have to get used to no matter how much I hate it.
"Sweetie…" my mom started but I shook my head, hiding my face on my hands again.
"Amerine, I don't know what to say…" I sighed at what she said and by the weak way she said my name. It was getting on my nerves and it was starting to work me up again. I heaved a deep breath and let it out of my nose in a silent exhale.
"What did Dr. Ember say?" I asked, bringing up my knees on the coach and hugging it.
My mom looked at me with a sad look before coming to sit beside me. She sat with her legs closed and her hands on her lap. She was very elegant and modest. It shows through her mannerisms and fashion. It was one thing that I didn't liked and adapted.
"Well, he said that it was natural to have sleep paralysis and nightmares with your condition. He just didn't expect you to experience those things. After all, you were doing so well already for the past weeks."
I didn't know what to feel. All I know is that… something's wrong with me. It won't actually solve my problems if I just stand around and do nothing or consult a psychiatrist and make me feel like I'm sick in the mind. Maybe, I really am… but there's a voice in the back of my mind that tells me I'm not. I don't know anymore.
Seeing the silence I succumbed in, my mother sighed at me. She patted my head gently making me look at her. She tried to reassure me with a small smile but it only just beat me down further.
"Sometimes, I feel like all I do is burden you, mom. I'm sick in the head. I tell you all this and think its true then you and Dr. Ember tells me that its all just part of my condition. I see it distresses you as well." I started with tears starting to form in my eyes but I got a hold on myself.
"I just want to be normal, mom." I buried myself on my knees, hugging my legs tightly, and curling myself into a ball.
I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry.
"Call me when you're done, okay?" my mom shouted as I gave her a small nod.
Waving goodbye, she drove on away from the dance studio she just dropped me in. I entered the building and greeted the woman on the desk. She looked at me and nodded at me, recognizing my face from the countless of times I rented a room here.
Proceeding to stretch myself once I settled in the empty studio, I started up my playlist, playing randomly. With stretching, it all felt easy to me. Usually, when it comes for stretching to enhance flexibility, it was all easy for me. It was all thanks to my gymnastics and ballet lessons that my mom had me do.
It all started with me wanting to do Ballet. I managed to pass it through the years and master it but my mom had me do extra gymnastics lessons. I managed to pass on to Level 6 Floor Gymnastics but I stopped. It took a toll on me when I had ballet thrice and gymnastics twice a week. I enjoyed it but once I reached Level 6, I didn't continue anymore. I didn't want to be a gymnast. I wanted to be a dancer.
One of the bars caught my attention. Its been awhile since I worked with one of those. I finished up quickly and went to the bar.
Touching the cool metal, it brought me nostalgic memories. With bars like this, I strived to be perfect no matter how stiff my muscles were before. As a child, I tried my best and held in a breathe when I stretched because it was really painful. It didn't help that after the lessons my body was all sore and I still have another different lesson the next day. On some days, I just wanted to rest but the thought of being able to dance so freely and elegantly kept me going. It only fired me up.
Smiling at my memories, I lifted my feet up to the bar and stretched my legs up in a perfect line. Before, it ached but now, I held this position effortlessly. The fruit of hard labor was always so sweet.
Just in time, the music shifted. Bending down and reached my toes, a small smirk crept up on my lips as I still felt no pain. I tried all the exercises my teacher used to make us do and it was all still painless.
Closing my eyes, I felt myself start getting lost in the music. Just as the chorus kicked in, I did fouettés to get myself in the center. Looking myself in front of the mirror, the girl standing was one familiar to me, only taller and bigger. Moving to the beat of the modern music, my moves were still of classical ballet.
Fluidity was always the key to the grace and elegance of ballet. Since mastering ballet at a young age, I experimented with different types of dances. I tried jazz, hip-hop, etc. Fluidity was my style. There were instances that I have to change hit it harder and firmer but I always resorted back to fluidity.
Mom used to tell me that it suits me. She used to tell me how to move elegantly and I should always do something with poise and grace. I guess it stuck to me.
Stopping once the music ended, I suddenly heard clapping. Looking behind me, I saw a woman who had her golden blonde hair up in a loose ponytail and pretty deep blue eyes scanning me. She was rather tall; taller than me actually but she was a few shades darker than me, maybe a warm beige complexion.
She crossed her arms and smirked at me who was dumbfounded at her presence.
"You already started without me, Amerine. That's so unfair." She rolled her eyes playfully at me and I sheepishly smiled at her words.
"Well… I was bored. You were taking so long, Suzy." I defended myself but my tone was soft.
I wasn't exactly in the mood to be mischievous. Seeing this, Suzy shook her head and laughed at my seriousness.
"Sorry, I have to drop by Brian's before coming here." She explained, dropping her bag on a corner and proceeded to do her stretching.
I rose an eyebrow at her, not knowing who Brian was. She saw this and nonchalantly explained who he is.
"He's my new boyfriend, Amy. We just started dating a few weeks ago."
Suzy has been my friend ever since elementary. It was a funny story actually. Enzo, my childhood best friend up until now, actually, had liked her since we were Grade 3. He was on a section with Suzy on 4th Grade and I was on another but it didn't stop us from ever hanging out. He actually got busted by Suzy and became friends with her instead. It lead to Enzo introducing her to me. I was shy at first because she was rather popular for being all nice and sweet in elementary and I was a shy nobody. We actually got along pretty quick after she found out that I like dancing. We bonded over that and it lead it from there.
"Now," I heard Suzy clap her hands snapping me out of my thoughts, "Let's start!"
"You going to Enzo's gig later?" Suzy asked me while packing up her things. I only nodded in response, stretching out my sore limbs.
"How about you? You going or do you have other plans?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her as I got my water bottle.
She laughed at this but sighed as she freed her hair out of the ponytail.
"I'm going. Its tradition anyways and I'm not about to break it just because Jessica invited me to her party." She chuckles at my bewildered expression.
"Yeah… this is not the first time you said that and did the exact opposite." I shook my head but Suzy only looked at me with her face stating a soundless "are you kidding me?"
"I know but I have my reasons… plus, Enzo's fine with it. But I promise, this time, I'm really going." She suddenly turned serious and I only nodded at her statement.
"Sure, see you there then." I greeted her, goodbye, stepping out of the room with my duffel bag.