" Oscar Wilde said,'we kill what we love'. That's very accurate... there can be many reasons for us to do so... but mostly it's a kind of fear. One can be afraid of whether or not he 'deserves' to achieve what he is aiming for, forgetting the basic rule of survival...you can hunt or be hunted. Either you work your ass off to achieve your success or you work your ass off working for someone else achieving his success...there is no waiting for you to realize your deservings. The other fear attacks those who see their dream as the purpose of their life. They are afraid of realising what their dream is, or worse still when they do realise it they pay no effort to reach it... because that will take away their purpose of life. As for me I knew I deserved to win for the simplest fact that I was exceptionally skilful than the rest. I don't really regret not being a part of this French tournament. Rather I was afraid of having no dreams left to follow once I achieve it....that thought of losing the purpose of life built a dark array of loneliness."
" How can incompetence in achieving dreams be related to loneliness?" Asked Mrs.kiroku
" To answer that... we must first know how to define loneliness. I choose to call it as "craving for belonging". Basically I wanted to belong to a certain group of people who achieve their goal and then make records over records in that field. All of it made me question, why do we want to reach our goals in the first place?'' His long pause notified that he's expecting an answer.
'' I think that's for the sake of fulfilment,personal satisfaction...'' I replied
''But that feeling... is it long lasting? It isn't right? Then why do we need to have something so temporary and uncertain in our life? Once the satisfaction of fulfillment is gone...you are empty...that's how it's lonely.'' He explained.
In this modern time we are not going for hunts right? To fill our stomach we need money. But there are so many different ways to achieve money...we suffer doing the jobs without passion or with passion however... ultimately it's all for money. We are going to suffer because of jobs with or without enthusiasm towards it... then why not to choose jobs worth suffering for. Choosing less suffering for a long time with certainty for success or more suffering for short time with uncertainty for success...which can be better?
''Could it be that we are predispositioned to feel lonely? Can it be naturally instilled in us from birth?''
'' Reason for loneliness is attachment. You wont feel lonely if you are attached to something or absolutely nothing ...maybe a person or thing. During childhood we cant feel it at all....because we are already attached to something...we are preoccupied from studying the new world and body we just got into.
The space for thoughts in our head is less and we learn more in childhood but when we grow we start to have our own thinking which makes us less mindful leading to all sorts of sorrow. It's a matter of perception...I don't think loneliness is predestined. It can be changed but changing it is hardly in our hands cause it's an emotion not a state of being.''
'''How did you manage to deal with your loneliness?'' Asked mrs kiroku
Mr.kiroku smiled..said,'' my loneliness was gone when I met you. But that was only because ..you were trustworthy, making me fight my trust issues. I couldn't trust people because I was afraid that I might end up depending on them. I questioned myself if I need you. Thanks to the tiny distance you kept from me, you didn't allow me to depend on you. When i didn't feel an urge to make that distance any shorter I realized that I want you not for dependency but for something I'm still trying to figure out. '' Mrs.kiroku smiled
She said, '' The reason I kept that distance was not because I didn't want you to depend on me. I just had to keep up my mysteries so you can always be amused by knowing me better and henceforth not be bored of me.''