I did not go back to sleep that night, instead, I sat in the music room glaring at the instruments.
I hate music. I told myself. It was a lie. Music was one of the few things I enjoyed, but I hadn't played in years. My gaze drifted to the violin sparingly kept for me. The violin was the only instrument Dragon was not able to play. I had tried teaching him as a kid, but it always sounded like a screeching cat and so, he contented himself with being able to play everything else. His main instrument and favourite was the piano; it sat adjacent to me in the large room. I loved playing, but every time I even attempted or thought about it, it hurt. Though at times, I still wanted to play anyway.
You should learn to smile through your pain. The words echoed through my head.
"I want you to play again." I crossed the distance between the violin and myself, taking it in my hands.
"Black? What are you doing awake?!" I dropped the violin and turned to glare at Sunshine.
"Why you awake?" I asked defensively. He smiled at me and craned his neck to see the violin; his smile widened.
"Do you play?" Sunshine didn't know I did, and he didn't need to know. I gave him the closest thing to a smile I could muster and lied.
"No. No, I don't." His face faded into a scowl as I left the room.
"Black," I turned. "I would really appreciate it if you stopped lying to me. There's no need to push us away, little brother. Cause we will never betray you." And with that, he spun on his heels and headed back to his room.
They all say that. Even if they did mean it, life had a tedious tendency of making us all liars at the end of the day and I couldn't - wouldn't - survive another blow.
I returned to my room, with a couple of books to find Dragon sitting at the entrance, scowling.
"Why you out here?" He nodded to the room, scowling myself, I opened the door to find Katarina sleeping in my bed with a bunch of books I'd translated.
O-Okay. I closed the door and looked back at him.
"What she doin' here?"
He shrugged.
"What makes you think I know?" He got up, discarding of the book on one of the shelves. "Wanna go for a run until sleeping beauty gets up?" I nodded. A run would get rid of some of the tension in my bones.
He chuckled as he got hold of my hand and escaped through the window into the tree across, the starting line. He tagged me then let go.
"Catch me if you can!" He mocked. I ran after him through the familiar path: with the familiar ache starting to burn in my chest the more I ran. The cold air assaulted my face, my legs burned and throbbed, my back barked in protest, but I ran all the faster for it delighting in the speed: the freedom: the wind in my hair, the burn in my chest.
It was a nice ache: the kind that gave one satisfaction and a sadistic, masochistic sort of pleasure. Ultimately, I caught up to Dragonfly and tackled him to the ground.
"Got you now!" I teased pinning him between me and the floor.
"Nah, ya don't!" He gave a charming, evil smirk as he sent the two of us tumbling down the hill: collapsing on top of one another at the bottom, laughing hysterically.
"You're mad!" I reprimanded him, he laughed.
"Aren't we all?"
The clouds parted to show the garish sun's ascent into the sky. I grimaced, the brightness hurting my eyes. Dragon chuckled.
"Now, now," He chided. "Don't grimace, you glowering beastie. Smile. It's a new day." He chirped. "The ghosts of tomorrow will never find you again." I snorted derisively.
"What are you? Insane?" He laughed nudging me as I glared at him. He reached over to remove my shades and I arched a brow at him.
"Don't be such a pessimist." He rebuked.
"I'm a realist," I argued then smiled evilly at him. "Besides optimists die first."
"Least we die happy."
"I doubt it," I told him as we sat there watching the sunrise, in the cold, dying space of the forest around us: our breath mingling together. We were both breathing hard and we still had to return. He groaned.
"I don't think I can make it back!" I joined him moaning.
"I don't think I can either," I said.
"If I die, can you promise me somethin'?" His voice was so low that had the voices not been quiet, I wouldn't have heard him at all. I went ram-rod stiff: my lungs contracting until it felt like the air was sucked out. I'd forgotten how to breathe. "Promise me two things. One, you will keep me with her. Two, you will not hold yourself accountable, no matter what happens." Silence followed, he got up eyeing me wearily as he hovered over me. I glared at him: hating him for the mere thought of abandoning me.
"If you ever betray me Dragon..." I told him my words harsh and biting, my voice sardonic. "If you ever leave me, then I will hate you. I will hate you, and I will not do anything you tell me." He nodded.
"Thought so." He murmured. I'd thought that had been the end of the conversation. "But tell me something," I quirked a pissed-off eyebrow at him. "If you hate everyone who leaves as you claim, why must you hate yourself?"
I opened my mouth to let out a sassy retort, but I had none. At the end of the day, I knew he was right. I knew I was lying. And I knew that I would do what he told me, even if he left, even if he did betray me, I will do as he asks, because...
I loved him.