He was so right and so very wrong at the same time.
Sashi was grinning. It wasn't just joy. There was excitement, the kind a child would have when she's learned the secret of where the chocolates were hidden. And then, there was also that familiar thing, a faint and distant shadow still but definitely there.
She ran over, leaped onto him in the sofa, grabbed his hand and began.
"You won't believe what happened last night. So, I was heading over. And I saw Raul."
She looked at him looking at her. She cleared her throat guiltily, and corrected herself. She didn't notice it, but he did. She didn't call 'here' home.
"Alright, fine. I went looking for him. But I was heading over. That wasn't a lie. So, anyway, let me start from the top. I couldn't sleep much. And it was still early when I woke. So, I washed my face and ran to class. And there, I couldn't get what you said out of my head. That I was blind. I just had to know what I missed. I kept looking around, and noticed something odd. Everyone saw me looking around at them, but instead of looking back their eyes went to Raul. I looked at Raul, and saw him looking at me. Our eyes met. And I recognised the look. He's in love with me. You knew?"
He nodded. Normally that wouldn't be answer enough, but today wasn't normal. She shrugged, and continued.
"So anyway, I saw that he kept looking at me all day. I asked Ayesha, and she said something very funny. She said, it was time I noticed. What do you mean, I asked. She answered, I just can't understand how it took so long. You're weird, I told her. She looked at me like I was crazy. Like I was the weird one. Anyway, that was the day. I couldn't get any of it out of my head. In the evening, actually early in the night, I was heading over. But decided to take a detour. Walk the longer walk. I needed to understand. I went over to Raul's hostel. He came out, to the whistles and cheers of the boys, and I sort of understood then. Everybody seemed to know, but me. So, Raul and I had a long talk."
He said nothing, his silence asking her to continue. Which she did, almost too readily.
"Turns out, he's liked me since the first day. Remember? I thought it was just us. You and me. But there was Raul too. He was in the class before us, saw us walk in. From the moment he saw me, his heart was mine. At least that's what he said. I couldn't believe it. He knew nothing about me. He didn't even know my name. If I was a great beauty, it would maybe make sense. But I'm not. You know that. He said it was more than just my looks. It was my smile. My eyes. My aura. The glimpse of my personality. There was just something about me he couldn't escape from. Which made him fall for me."
She paused. For a breath. To gather her thoughts into better coherent sentences. To wipe the smile off her face. She felt it even if she couldn't see it. And that made her wonder. Last night, with Raul, she could see her smile. Not reflecting in his eyes, which she also could, but she could see with her eyes. It was such a strange experience. Wonderful. Also, a feeling she never had with Anad.
He still said nothing. He didn't let it show in his face even as he was seeing, her unconsciously moving away from him ever so slightly. Her hands didn't reach for his. Her eyes didn't search for his. Her smile wasn't for him. And most of all, her heart wavered.
"Inevitable," he muttered so only he could hear.
She continued in an almost wistful voice.
"He asked me to dinner. It wasn't a date, I promise. Just dinner. Something to do while we talked. And we were hungry, to be completely honest. We didn't even go to a restaurant. We had dumplings at the man's stand by the second gate. You know, the one who has a great smile?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "His smile is much handsomer when it is for his daughter. She's ten. His name is Vulka."
He knew a lot more about Vulka. But this wasn't the occasion for telling. All he amounted to was an interruption. He shook his head with an apologetic smile.
She nodded. Smiled back. And continued.
"So, yeah, Vulka's dumplings. We shared three servings between us. While eating, we talked. After the first impression, he paid me more attention. The more he looked, the more he fell for me. He felt sad that I never once looked his way. But he wasn't disheartened. He said he was fine enjoying how much he liked me. That's a confession, isn't it? I asked him. But he said it wasn't. Just expressing his mind, he said. He didn't look like he was being untruthful. Rather, I think I wanted to believe him. He had so much to say about what he liked about me. Honestly, I never knew I had so many good traits. He made me blush. And I was definitely amused."
She was done. But she didn't feel like it. It was as if she was missing something important.
"Then, you walked him back to his hostel," he completed for her. "You were tired. Lazy. So you went back to the dorm, and slept."
"Yes," she answered.
Now, she felt done. Of course, there was the final claim to be made.
"Now, I'm no longer blind."
"What makes you think that's good?"
The question stumped her.
"I don't know," she answered, doubtfully. "You called me blind. No, teased about it. You wouldn't explain. So, I found the answers for myself. Now I know."
"And that, the knowing, makes you better how?"
"Isn't knowing better than being blind? Doesn't it make me more complete?"
"More complete? Knowing Raul loves you makes you more complete?"
"No. That's not what I mean. Come on, you get that, don't you?"
"No, I don't actually. Explain. Or would you rather I go find the answers for myself?"
And there it was. Him being so unlike himself. So different. There was no doubt anymore.
"What's gotten into you? Why are you being so hard?"
"You were moved, weren't you?"
"What do you mean?"
"By Raul. By his love for you. By his earnestness. By his niceness. By the completeness he gave you. You were moved."
She couldn't answer. He didn't need her answer.
"Forget all that. Let me ask you one more time. Is your heart mine?"
She wanted to say yes. She knew it was a yes. She loved him. She was moved. But she loved him. Why then couldn't she say it? Why couldn't she answer yes?
"I guess that answers it," he said after a moment. "Turns out it's inevitable. What then should I do?"
"Nothing," she said. "You don't have to do anything. I'm sorry. Yes, Raul moved my heart. But it still is yours. I still love you."
She felt panicked. She didn't understand why, but she knew what she felt. The irrationality made her feelings stronger. She saw his smile, and felt pained.
"That's just it," he said slowly, sounding defeated. "You still love me. It's already changed from you love me. It's only going to change further. Until you're sorry. Until you'll wish none if it ever happened. You'll wish we never were. And I can't help but do something about it. I'm sorry. I failed again. It's my fault for not realising the inevitability."
She was reaching for him with tears in her eyes, as he closed his eyes. He felt her touch, cold and warm, near and distant, as he breathed in deep. Without a bye, he jumped.