He woke to a quiet morning. Without leaving the bed, he knew. Sashi was gone. Was there anything important today? He thought hard, couldn't remember. He gave up, reaching the conclusion that she wasn't spent of all of her anger. Maybe she needed some quiet too, some time away. Maybe it would do them both good.
It was a nice thought, but the burst of irritation overpowered him. He felt his face contort. He didn't want to feel this way. Not when thinking about Sashi.
The cakes were gone, and that brought a smile to his face. She ate the cakes. Didn't that mean she was at least a little appeased? He was happy. He also winced at the sudden burst of irritation.
Down in the kitchen, coffee was ready. She even made him coffee before leaving. That was definitely evidence. He sighed away the complicated thoughts. He would enjoy a nice coffee. Especially since it was a favourite blend. Caramel and vanilla coffee. As he sat drinking the coffee, he was reminded of Oasis Adventures.
It was first aired on tv when he was ten. It was the rage back then. Everyone was watching it. And everyone had their favourite character. The most popular were Bunny and Carrot, the couple deep in love. Also, the couple who were the hero and the heroine of the story. Anad's favourite was another though. He loved Lolly best. The little girl who always had a lollipop in her hand but never ate it, who was the smartest but always fell into traps, who was the prettiest but frightened everyone. An episode aired every week. For six whole months, it was all everyone talked about. And when it ended, everyone reminisced. Talked about it a while. Then, moved on to the next big show.
Anad couldn't. He was so in love, he wanted to watch it again. So, he jumped back. To the evening the first episode was aired. He remembered every episode, but it still felt like he was watching for the first time. It was delightful. He relived the six wonderful months.
But for a whole year, he wasn't himself. He was a little lost in his head, others said about him. Like he was present, and also absent. For a whole year, he felt weird.
It was the first time he jumped back consciously. Maybe that was why the aftereffect was so much worse. Maybe that was why he decided to be more careful in the future.
It was evening when the memory ended. He had been in the kitchen all day, drinking the mug of caramel and vanilla coffee. Sashi hadn't returned. That made him uncomfortable, but he shook it off. He decided to wait for her, so they could have dinner together. That sounded like a plan.
He moved to the living room, resting on the monstrously large couch. As evening turned into night, the shadows lengthened and became all encompassing, he felt more comforted in the silence. He almost felt like himself. That was probably why he didn't realise time fly by. Night turned to day, the darkness receded into the shadows, the closed windows brightened like envoys of the rising sun. His eyes twinkled under the light. And he realised, Sashi hadn't returned. She was probably still angry, and returned to her dorm. A day was the longest her anger lasted. Not long into today, she would come. He couldn't understand why he was so restless.
He waited on the couch, as the morning turned into noon. And Sashi finally arrived. He saw her, and fell.
She walked over. Sat by him on the couch. She was leaning onto him, hugging his arm, resting her head on his shoulder. The unshed tears couldn't hide in her eyes. The slight curl of her lips downward told of what happened.
"You met him," he said softly.
She nodded.
She didn't have to say anymore. He could guess the content of the conversation.
"You apologised. He shrugged it off. He, or maybe the others around the both of you, told you the party was actually all about you. It was for him to confess. You didn't want to, but you couldn't help it. You were moved."
She nodded, with a quiet sob.
"It's fine," he said, hugging her close. "He's a great guy. He did win over the entire class. Maybe all of the university. I only have you. Incomparable, really, in a way. It's okay to be moved."
She sobbed louder. Tears spilled out, forming a stream rushing down her face.
"Let it go," he said softly.
He only heard his effort, trying to appease her and himself, trying to convince her that they were fine. She heard more. In her ears, his voice wielded shape blades swung ruthlessly at her.
"I'm sorry," she apologised, just as sharply.
What he couldn't hear in his voice, he heard in hers. He almost let go of her.
"I'm sorry."
His apology was no different from hers. Both winced. Pulled closer.
"I only went to apologise," she said, her voice almost cold. "I didn't plan it out. I didn't go looking for his confession. I wasn't even prepared for it. And most of all, I certainly didn't expect for everyone to be part of the confession. Including you."
"Me? What do you mean?"
He was confused. Hurt. He let go of her.
"You weren't there. But you knew everything. Like you witnessed it yourself. Were you hiding behind some wall, watching, like it was some stupid romantic movie? Were you entertained? Making a fool of me must have felt real nice."
She pushed away. They were sitting at the two ends of the couch.
"I wasn't there," he said tonelessly.
"And still you knew of everything?" She asked in a voice quivering in excitement.
"What do you want? What do you want me to say? Explain how I knew? I wasn't there. I wasn't watching. If I was, do you really think I'd let it happen?"
"How am I to know that? Wouldn't you?"
He was completely overwhelmed. The irritation had morphed into untamed fury.
Her fury was no less. The tears had turned into flaming rivers, burning her face, fuelling her fury further.
"I," he said, struggling to form a sentence.
"Yeah, you," she said when she could wait no more. "Just tell me I'm wrong. It's not difficult. It's okay. You said that, didn't you? It's fine. Then, tell me. Tell me I'm wrong."
He didn't. He stared at her. She glared back.
"I'm wrong," he said. "I'm sorry."
His voice was different. Cold. Unfeeling. Distant. A stranger's.
She froze. All her fury evaporated in an instant. The pain disappeared. All there was, was fear. It was wrong. Terribly wrong.
"What," she started to say.
She couldn't finish.
"It's okay," he said, with a small smile. "It's fine."
He sounded different. She didn't like him like this. She wanted him back to before. Angry. Irate. Snapping at her. Jealous. Unreasonable. Feeling. She reached for him, intending to drag him back. He should be in her arms. He shouldn't be like this.
In that moment, she felt an indescribable sense of loss. And what she felt for Raul, turned on its head.
She was truly moved. Raul was a good guy. A great guy. She felt foolish for having been blind to his affection for over two years. Somehow, it felt right that everyone was on his side, even with the confession. It was as if everyone wanted her to get together with him. All of it felt sweet.
But now, all she felt for Raul was rage. Hatred. She felt the same hatred for everyone else too. If it wasn't for Raul, if it wasn't for everyone, Anad wouldn't be like this. He wouldn't be hurting so bad. He wouldn't be gone so far.
"Anad," she called him.
But it was too late.
"This was wrong too," he said, to himself. "Again, then."
She felt a burst of coldness from deep within her heart. Like something very dear was being torn out. She wanted to scream. Before she could make a sound, he closed his eyes.