She smiled with uncertainty. Freya Lunette Cosmos wasn't pleased because of my good news. Akala ko sisigaw siya sa tuwa. Ito naman talaga ang gusto niya, hindi ba?
Ang mawala ang mga bagay na nakikita, nararamdaman at naririnig niya na di niya naman kinalakihan. That's my world though. Iyon ang kinalakihan ko. Sa madaling salita, gusto niyang mawala ako sa buhay niya.
Hindi ko mawari ang tumatakbo sa isip niya habang nakaupo sa tabi ko. Papalubog na ang araw sa mundong ito. I have always been belittling this world. The objects around me die to complete a certain cycle. Paulit ulit lang.
Wala akong makitang maganda sa mundong ito. Well, I never thought there will be an exception.
I turn to her direction. She was now looking at her fingers trembling on her lap. Lunette never looked so speechless out of disappointment.
I never count how many times I make her dejected and isolated just standing by her side. This? This is different. The opposite of our arguments in the last few months. She always wanted me gone.
"Isn't that better, Lunette?"
Please say no.
I'll separate my world to hers just to make her safe. Every night, I can feel her panic at the dark, even if I was there. I just destroyed her peace of mind.
"I thought you have a goal?" At last, she opens her mouth after a sickening minute of silence.
Hindi niya alam mangyayari sa kanya kung pagpapatuloy namin to. I can handle this on my own. She can be wih her life. Truth be told. She is my only goal. A VIP and a straight ticket to underworld. To finally see my father.
Hindi ko na iniisip iyon ngayon.
I just felt a sudden urge of wanting her safe and sound. This world is full of surreal. One wrong move can delete your existence in both worlds.
"Wag mo na isipin yun. Pumunta ka sa altar ko bukas ng madaling araw" Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo. Maybe, this is the last time I might saw her.
"I'll order Marcus to drive you there-" Can I at least saw her face.
"Why are you doing this, I mean" She paused and lifted her head to finally look at my eyes. She looks confused. Looking down at her she looks vulnerable and fragile as always.
"Bakit biglaan? Dahil tingin mo ba, hindi ako makakatulong?"
This is the moment I might regret this decision. Is this the feeling of breaking up with your partner, as people do. I never understood the feeling. It feels shallow for them to cry.
What is this? Nanlalamig ka sa kinatatayuan mo at sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam na hindi ko inakalang meron ako. Looking at her makes me want to console her but doing nothing is just the best option.
May gusto akong isigaw pero hindi niya marinig. We're just looking at each other na para bang nakakaintindihan kami pero pareho kaming naguguluhan. She wanted me gone, right? What's with the confusion?
Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko na para bang dinikit ako doon. Knowing the person you saw every single day will not be there anymore.
She is so much help. Other than the things she can do, being with my side and is already a big help.
"You sounds like you don't want me gone"
Another frustrating minute of silence until she composes herself and stands up. Looking at me as if nothing bothers her as I do. Well, that's for the best then.
"Can I not see again?" She said, asking for a favor that only I can do.
"I can make that happen"