As Aairah squatted in front of her father, he placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered to her "please Aairah. Endure"
She has never had her father kiss her before. Not even when she was a child. It feels strange and all sorts of baffling. She just nodded her head meekly. His eyes has filled with tears but she has no idea why. It makes her very uncomfortable.
"Hassan dear, say a du'ah for your darling daughter. She is about to leave your care" Mami teased.
"Look at those adorable tears!" Maama giggled. "Mami I think he needs your help eh" she smiled.
"In that case, let me say the du'ah. Hassan, you must say Ameen" Mami accepted Mama's advice quite graciously. Everyone laughed.
Daddy couldn't smile even though its all in good fun. He got up and removed a sizable Quran from a drawer and brought it to Aairah. "Each day in which you read a verse from this Qur.'an dear, I pray that Allah bless you for me. I pray he guides you and make you an exemplary Muslim within and outside your home" he prayed.
Aairah couldn't say she wasn't touched by his du'ah. But she just didn't wish to acknowledge it. Yet, her heart cooled at the thought of one of her parents wishing her well. Even if it's the least desirable of them.
She has been badgered to tell who had threatened her into leaving five years ago. Dady, Mami, Mama, everyone who thinks of a new way to interrogate her did. But Aairah insisted she ran away because she didn't want the marriage. She had to promise that she would definitely right her wrongs and try to be happy. For some unfathomable reason, everyone seems to relax after she said it. Which was very odd if they were being ernest in their pursuit. So she pretended to be fine while everyone else treated her with fake smiles and forced kindness. She couldn't understand why they can't forgive her. She was just a teen when it happened. Why cant they understand her predicament? If there is one person who showed small interest which was genuine, she might've broken down and told them everything. How she relied on the goodwill of strangers to make her way in this big vast world-all alone.
Aairah hasn't felt the tears stinging her eyes until she was asked to enter her marriage chamber with her right foot and then asked to recite a du'ah.
It is the most boring wedding ever. She is the second wife. She has no title. A third leg. And one with a troublesome past as well. The Fillo house dispatched twenty cruisers to line up her bridal procession and had volunteered ten of the oldest women of the Fillo house who are too frail to even care about what they were asked to do. In return, her father has ordered that only Mami will be accompanying her with ten of the oldest Abdulaziz women as part of the bridal procession.
Any wedding, no matter how unremarkable, will be graced by a member of the nobility from each house. So since the Abdulaziz clan is marrying off a daughter, everyone volunteered their most unremarkable women to attend. It was no insult to their clan. It's just heir preservative instincts talking. They don't wish to appear too eager and give the queen cause to think they are celebrating with Aairah.
It was very important that no one celebrated Aairah. The queen is all smiles and good intentions but the fact that she has stalled all festivities and had adjourned the celebratory ball to a distant future-when the emir returns, means that she is not happy about Aairah. Something is wrong. Everyone can feel it.
So Aairah found that the cars had turned out empty. Only three were filled. If you included the one she is being transferred within, that leaves six empty cruisers.
Ya Salam! Even the thought of the cars was depressing. She had honestly thought they would at least give something flashy to save face or something. But no. The boring black accompanied the very male vehicles. The only thing wrong with her wedding is that no one wore black. Then, she might actually think she died and this is her funeral!
Aairah is pleased to note that she is not sad over the affair. A silent thing is just what she needs for her plan. Let the queen think I am a pliable little wussy! I would definitely make myself a very fine thorn in her miserable hide!
She closed her eyes and tried not to dwell on the thoughts. But she couldn't help missing her aunt and uncle. Wishing Aaidah was still alive. Wishing she could have her mom with her so she can feel her warmth..
If only.. If she could only have a wish!
Aairah sighed. The ride into the Royal house is a quiet one. She found herself kneeling in front of the queen as the woman touched her head and blessed her marriage. She resisted the urge to throw up. She wondered if she is the only one who heard the sickening sweetness of the queen's words. She could almost feel her sugar level rise from listening to it.
"I shall cherish her as I would my blood" the queen gave her promise to the noble women who brought Aairah. Ever the perfect queen. She could fake so much satisfaction and summon so much will just to maintain her image...
"You are most kind your highness" Mami replied demurely.
"You are welcome little sis" she directed at Aairah who remained quiet. Inwardly, she thought 'sweetheart, don't be too hasty!'
There is very little chatter but the queen is a good host. She treated everyone nicely and then asked them to follow her to the Dowager's chambers so the mother of the Emir can give her blessings.
"Queen Neemah, your little sister looks very shy" the dowager expressed with a smile and all the ladies laughed. Aairah has no idea why. It wasn't funny. She couldn't even see her face! How did she know she is shy?
"My son knows how to pick them. I forgot how beautiful Aaidah was. You shall give us many beautiful little girls in Sha Allah" She prayed and everyone is praying too. Aairah almost rolled her eyes. She didn't though, even if they cannot see her. She just couldn't help wondering how the queen saw her supposed beauty. Is she so generous to people she didn't know? Aairah wouldn't know. She has never met the woman before today.
Have you ever heard of a royal wedding without algaita? Music? Aairah certainly witnessed it. She could feel it that no one really wanted her there. They are trying to silently make her feel like an intruder. But that's the least of her troubles.
The dowager prayed so much that Aairah immediately developed a good impression of her. She sounded like a concerned mama and it was good enough for her.
She wore the maroon colored alkyabba adorned with bold embroidery of white orchid flowers which her family bought for her so she cannot look at anyone directly until she emerged from her marital chamber or they would think she was too bold for a virgin bride. Never mind that her groom isn't even in attendance.
When she was finally deposited in the marital chambers. Her eyes stung with fresh tears. Her mother should be here.
She would've cared.
Aairah felt Mami hug her a little before whispering "be good" and then she too left. Aairah sighed depressingly, now I feel like a pet.
It was very quiet in the room. She prayed and changed into one of the nightgowns packed in her trolley. Then she slept off with so many thoughts going through her mind. The foremost is that she prays the future holds more happiness than her past. A girl can hope.
Even deep as she was, in a marriage without love.
A marriage, she must endure.
...
Aairah spent the first week alone in her room. It didn't feel like a royal house. She has been kept in a remote side of the palace. She was told that the palace has more than a thousand rooms which is absurd. But she wasn't about to go out and find out.
There were slaves way back from the early ages when blood and gore is the order of the day. When clans declare war upon one another and gained slaves after such victory.
They say, there are hundreds of servants at the royal's beck and call. And even a guest can be assigned more than ten attendants. That there are guards in every door and others patrolling the compound. Well, this is simply the most basic palace descriptions. When she was here in the past, she was a bit overwhelmed by the sheer number of people milling around the palace grounds. But Aaidah had told her that they were not that many. That they were always less when the emir is outdoors. He didn't like people aimlessly running about. Which is how he sees the domestic complications of the day.
Amazing. She hasn't seen anyone except a maid who promptly brings her food-a plate of whatever struck their fancy for morning, another for the afternoon and then one for the evening. At least she wasn't being starved.
She has only peeked out of her bedroom once. She saw no guards to speak of and the empty hallways echoed when she shouted 'anyone?'
Aairah used her phone to download as many ebooks as she could from her fovorite authors and aside from morning and evening azkar, she simply reads her books. She sometimes forgets she is married or that someone like queen Neemah existed. As she fully went back to her bookworm self, she found the solitude peaceful. When the part of the novel is funny, she would laugh like a maniac. When it's sad, she would cry like a baby. When she is annoyed, she would hit the phone on top of a really soft surface where she knew it would not break. Yes, she was controlled in her anger bursts. There was no worry that anyone will see her. So anything she does goes.
She slept a lot as well. And since her cosmetics filled the only trolley she has now, she never misses her beauty treatments.
Aairah didn't really like makeup much. But she adores her skin as flawless as it could get. She develops black spots when she is careless with her treatments and she hated them as much as she hated rashes. She couldn't really help them sometimes. But there, they disappear when she is being meticulous.
She didn't think of herself as vain. But she knew that aside from her beauty, the emir couldn't possibly like anything else about her. He didn't even know her. It's a little too much to ask that he feels anything for her.
She wanted to appeal to him so that he wasn't put off by her presence. At least then, she wouldn't be at a total loss. She would get the queen to notice her slight.
That she should've targeted her rather than her mother.
To be honest, when she heard the queen that day she was brought, she could scarcely believe it's the same woman who caused her so much pain. She had to resist doubting herself. She could remember well how deceptive the queen can get. She would never know, just how close Aairah has been those five years they thought she was gone.
Her uncle had thought her to be close to her enemies so she can deal with them accordingly. So she had done her best to study the queen. And she hopes her knowledge pays off.
She intends to make the queen mad with jealousy. Afterall, she has never known a more jealous woman than the queen of Maicki. In Aairah's estimation, it's the only chip bitten off her cold suit of armor!
And even though she cannot forsee what might lie after her anger is spent, she knew, the options has long since left her care.