[ hah.. ] I sigh, laying on top of my bed.
I think back on how I lived my life till now.
I'm just your typical otaku guy, who does nothing but to play games, read mangas and other stuff. What influence me to be like this was my fascination with fictions and fantasy since I was just a kid. All the books I read and the games I played was also centered on those two genres.
When going to school, I always bring 2 - 3 books with me to read, I'm often get scolded for reading at class while my teacher is still discussing his lessons. My parents were also always getting called at my school for that same reason.
I actually don't like to listen to what my teacher is saying, for me listening to it was just a waste of time. I prefer to spend my time entertaining myself, diving into the world of fantasy inside my books, separating myself from all voices around me describing me as lazy, jerk, idiot, loser.
I know that I was not living my life the way I'm supposed to, in fact, I know that I'm just wasting it. But I just can't escape anymore. It feels like my real world now was what inside my books, And the world I'm in now was the fake one. I don't know if this is already a known disease, if not, then I'm the first one to have it. And of course, if this is a disease, then there must be a cure for it.
I tried many things to try to change my self, I tried to do karate again, I tried to join in an art club, I also even tried to join the music club which was really famous at my school. But each time I tried to join them, I will immediately get bored and will decide to spend my time reading or play games instead.
There really is nothing I can do, I can't improve my studies, I can't find any new hobbies, and socializing with people my age is really hard for me too.
[ I think that I really don't fit to live in this world. ]
Maybe there's really only one cure for this disease, and it's for my books to become what's reality. But something so Impossible is not gonna happen.
[ I can only wish. ]