A person's identity is at first chosen by other before becoming self-actualised in nature.
When a person is a newborn, they are nothing but lost souls... struggling to find a sense of 'self'.
They know no language, feel no true 'emotions', or even have empathy. They work solely on instinct.
An instinctive attachment for their 'carer', and heart devoid of falsehood. They are true blank canvases.
As they grow up, they 'evolve'. Each day a new experience and each experience a new insight.
They learn to adapt to the highly social species known as 'Humans' and continue to grow with age.
Death is a certainty, but they refuse to stay stagnant as they live... survive, on their own terms.
Isn't that just heartwarming? I've already lived a mundane life as a 'Human'. I've experienced all the pains, all the countless joys, and all the sorrows that pertain it. Then I lived a human life once again.
New parents, new siblings, new joys, and unfortunately, new sorrows. As was my fate...
Recently however, I've come to accept my sorrows after living my third life. Not as a 'Human', but as mere 'Shadow'. No longer am I bound my human sensibilities and the rationality that pertains it.
I no longer have a heart, so I don't need to breath anymore. I no longer have a stomach, so I don't need to eat anymore. Now that I think about it, is such an existence any different from being dead?
Hah... Death... Now isn't that a strange concept.
I looked at the child strapped to a surgical table in the middle of this room with clear eyes, and so I wonder... Is she going to die? No, from Enigma's ominous words, is her father going to die?
My mood doesn't seem to great right now considering I'm thinking like this. It makes me wonder why... am I even here, exactly? For what purpose am I getting involved in HIS business?
We have only met each other recently, and I myself have acknowledged that no longer abide by the severed 'common sense' I rejected. Chaos no longer haunts my heart after truly accepting and becoming the being now known as 'Harmony'.
That is my identity...
And yet, I call Bob a 'friend' and seek validation from him. As is desiring to reaffirm my identity.
Perhaps this just me trying to become an 'child' once again after birth, wanting to have identity beyond what I already know of. Wanting the crude 'label' only someone other than me can impart...
I question my actions again like always, the same way have throughout both my lifetimes. This time I'm not asking if what I'm doing is right like my first or whether I'm being true to myself like the second after it, now all I want is validation that... I exist.
More than just a 'Shadow', I want to be more than just a passing thought in someone's mind. There is a feeling in my heart that wants someone to accept me regardless of who I am or what I become.
Whether 'Human' or 'Shadow', I want validation that I exist for someone else. That I can be seen.
Yet here I am, ironically predicting and cunningly manipulating events in my favour. Though I refuse to compare myself to a criminal mastermind, as it's not like I want be here scheming in the darkness.
Oh how I get the feeling of wanting to self-mutilating myself for others like Heroes in fiction~
Not! What nonsense is that?
Why would 'self-mutilation' and 'rescue' be put in the same sentence? Obviously, it is the result of what humans want to see in Heroes. For the act of risking one's life for another in more virtuous than casually saving someone out of a whim. How vain!
Rather than injuring myself for the self-satisfaction of having risked myself, I'd rather act like this:
Predicting and planning ahead, making sure not to alert the criminal that took a innocent girl captive.
The man named Jordon Darby picked up a scalpel with attentive expression. His eyes seemed to be making sure his grip was steady and his handling was stable, even carefully checking the edge.
What a considerate guy... From the external thoughts surrounding his consciousness, I could tell that he was trying make sure this procedure went as safely as possible. Not neglecting her health or the possibility of strange infections.
Though I don't have anything against him, I'll have to take advantage of this quality of his. The part of me that was with the Apostle Knight outside the base relayed the situation here for her comprehend just what she could do to distract these servants.
Heh, it's funny... I am neither outside nor inside this mansion anymore, but rather, I am the Creeping Shadow of the moonlit night, the embodiment of shadows itself. How can Dark Specialists compare?
They better go pack their bags and call it a day because I am not limited to a 'body'. In fact, I am not limited to ethereal or corporeal anymore. I am but an entity is akin to the darkness that placates these Dark Specialists and makes them feel safe.
To go back an earlier question: Am I truly dead?
The answer to that is strange... After all, what Humans consider death is merely an observation based on physical senses. After the body stopped functioning, a Human previously considered alive will be considered dead due to how they can no longer communicate with it anymore. Once that condition is met, they no longer retain a 'self'.
Let me put it like this: In the perspective of a primitive ape, a Human is considered a dangerous living predator only when they are acting like Humans would. However, once that person stops moving and become immobile, they are nearly fresh meat waiting to be eaten. They no longer have the right to decide what happens to them.
Though this way of thinking is normal from a Humans perspective, what would happen if you gain the ability to see and interact with 'spirits' like I could? What if they were 'alive' and talkative?
Once communication is established, isn't it only right that even a corpse can choose its future?
This is the dilemma if whether anatomical errors dictate death or communication does seen in counties zombie flicks (well, at least the less standard and cheesy ones). The main point to take away from this is that death is also subjective.
Suddenly, the 'Death Ability' that had retracted into my body started working again as concentrated the collective consciousness I could control with my mind. The standard necromancy I could glean from studying my powers manifested itself.
From putting together what I experienced with what I heard from my second life as a Human, a Death Specialist could only be born under extreme yet specific circumstances. The most common line I heard was that they need to 'experience death'.
Something I had under my belt. Twice actually...
Other than this information, I found that rather than being seen the way regular Necromancers would be seen on Earth. Death Specialists actually didn't really need 'souls' to work their standard abilities.
In fact, the manipulation of a soul was far more troublesome than I expected. Instead, what I found was that 'giving consciousness to energy' was a lot more easier than actually 'possessing' a corpse.
I know, I know. I am a sucky Necromancer for making a counterfeit 'Undead'. The world can call me a hustling Death Specialist for all I care. The only thing that was important was what I needed.
In front of the Apostle Knight, a skeletal white figure emerged with a crackling sound. The joints of my 'baby' kept of rattling like a snake as if this bony figure knew what it meant to be 'cold'.
Which was of course: Nonsense.
From what I could tell, the Skeleton I evoked was of an 'Earthbound' nature. What this meant was that rather than having a soul operating it like a properly created 'Undead', it was merely bound by energy.
It existed and retained a vague sense of 'self' that had nothing to do with 'returning from the dead'. It was just brought into existence and bound to this world to carry out a purpose: What I desired for it.
The Death Mana from that Skeletal Staff, which was now its spine, became an intrinsic part of its existence. Considering this, can I safely say that I am likely only capable of controlling one of it?
"You are a Death Beast too...?" There was a clear look of shock on the Apostle Knight's face as she spoke. What, did she consider me to be less magnificent that this? What underestimation!
"I am also a Blood Beast, Wood Beast, and Metal Beast along with my Dark Beast status."
"...You're kidding."
"Believe what you want. Anyway, you can probably guess why I created this Skeleton, right? Are you ready for what will happen next?" As I spoke these words to her, another part of me was in another location inside this house was calming Bob down.
"I am prepared to fight."
"Good." As I spoke these words, the Earthbound Skeleton moved towards the main entrance.
Since it was already dead, might as well see if it could take a beating. I controlled it meticulously.
The servants of the mansion weren't exactly scattered throughout the mansion after being gathered by their mistress, so they were shocked when a knocking sound came from the front door.
As they weren't expecting any visitors this late at night, they were alarmed and contacted Dorothy.
Using a skilful fusion of my Mana Sensing and what I call my 'Consciousness Vision', I was able to see how they scrabbled about clearly as if they were stars in the night sky. The more I felt I was in total control, the more a certain thought gnawed at me:
Why wasn't I called the Moon Goddess instead?
What nonsense was this 'Bullet Goddess', can you eat it? I don't even have any guns anymore...
Anyway, back to the events that could be clearly seen through my 'eyes'. A servant opened the door:
"..." And was felt fortunate that his pants were black. Imagine seeing a skull staring back at your face the moment you decide to answer the door after midnight. What kind of horror was that?
The other servants behind this guy seemed more experienced and less embarrassing as they pulled the guy back and unfairly assaulted my pitiful Earthbound Skeleton with numbers. The power of Dark Specialists showed as they fought brutally.
Their swords slashed into the Skeleton and tried to disperse the energy holding it together, but would it be that easy? As it could be considered part of my Ability Core, its endurance was out of this world. No deep cracks despite its sound beating...
I manipulated it like a puppet using the darkness in my surroundings. It dodged some lethal blows clumsily, and I could tell what they were thinking the moment they were alarmed by this Skeleton:
They knew their mansion was under attack.
"What is your plan from here?" The Apostle Knight whispered as she was ready for anything.
"For you, I have no tasks yet. You are only to remain on standby while the person who is already inside the mansion retrieves the VIP." I shook my head as there wasn't anything more than that.
"Isn't that... too simple of a plan?" It looks like she wasn't dumb and got the gist of what I said.
"Complicated plans never work. Not unless you are keenly aware of all factors. I'm more of the 'adapt as you go' type who has several backup plans whenever the first goes awry." I took a look at area deep within the mansion and spoke carefully.
Seeing as my Skeleton was having a hard time against the servants, I decided to add more attention to it. Then, after realising something I could do, I smiled and called out a certain girl:
"Lilith." In the space besides me appeared redhead version of myself who watching on attentively.
"Wanna have some fun?" I pointed at the Skeleton.
In response, she grinned before nodding her head.