Hard to forget, but those days were dear to me I was considered as one of the boring types. Only because I loved to study and I was extremely honest. I don't exactly know, but I wanted to be popular somehow. I tried to talk to almost everyone in my class and tried to gain attention but it was no use. Then I started to observe people- how they behaved in situations and it was truly a fascinating experience. I was only 14 years old.
That day I was so excited, there was a group activity after all!I loved teamwork. I practised a song with my friend. It was a barbie-song. 6 people out of 10 were against the song but the majority of people who opposed were absent except 2; and out of the two, one gave into our idea. I felt angry when the song was being refused only because it had the trademark of "Barbie" over it. And for boys, "Barbie" is 100% equal to "girly-pinky shit".
Tala was making me insane. I tried my best to make him understand that the lyrics were good, but he was shouting for no reason. I lost my temper. Both of us showered curses on each other. At last, he shouted, "You are the one who's shouting, why are you shouting!" As he ended his line he pushed me towards the wall- I wasn't expecting that at all.
By now everyone had their eyes on us. I was still angered, so I pushed him back. Tears began to well up in my eyes. I was frustrated. I wanted to sing that song so badly. All the girls wanted me to convince him to agree. Even he muttered, "Go complain to ma'am". I don't know why, but something stopped me that day. My heart wasn't listening to the commands given by my brain. That day, group activity went very well but, made a huge difference in my life.
I knew it later, but that was the day I fell in love with Tala. 19th September 2017 changed me a lotā¦ And for the better too. I thought deeper, 'Why didn't I complain about him to the teacher?... Eh, he always acts this way. Then why?' I knew it very well, that if it was someone other than Tala I would've complained and damaged his reputation. As days passed, I continued to observe my classmates, but somehow, he was always successful in gaining my attention.
Whenever he muttered things during a class,I somehow enjoyed every bit of it. Whenever, I was tensed, just listening to his remarks or criticisms made me smile. I never knew that I was distracted. One day, he showed me some of his sketches- I was truly amazed by those. He asked me, "What do you think of my drawing? Is this character good or bad?" I was confused, but by looking at him, I replied,"both".
I can never forget that look on his face. It was mixed with happiness and surprise. He told me that I was right. I felt elated, I never expected that he'd accept my answer. At first I thought he was just a crush, but I never knew he'd be my true love. After a few days, during a free period, he showed me his comic. "God! I just remembered," he said, "there's a line missing in it." I was sitting with Salina. Both of us noticed the missing, so called "line" of his cover page. "If you are a good and natural artist, you must complete it," as Salina said as she drew the division of the story's protagonist chest.
That day I recommended him to read my story on the Fanfiction site. I was surprised to see 2 of his reviews. I was so happy, he read all the chapters, which in turn meant that he wasted his precious time reading 'my' chapters.
I thanked him the next day, and we exchanged out tiffin boxes. I did not like ladyfinger. But that day I ate them only because Tala brought it. He showed me the picture of Sasuke from Naruto.
On 10th November 2017, I got the chance to hold his hand. That was fabulous! That day, the first five periods were free because of some paragliding kinda thing. Everyone was playing arm wrestling when I joined them too. I challenged Tala. He accepted and we began. I tried my best but I lost. I challenged him for the 2nd time, this time with the left. He accepted, but before anyone could win, ma'am arrived andā¦ Andā¦ he let go of my hand.
On 27th November 2017,he shouted at me. So, I was running with his friend's water bottle to throw it on somebody. I felt like crying. I would've never done that if I had known earlier that he was going to shout at me.
The very next day he smiled at me. I felt like I was in seventh heaven.
Once, he stared at me with a weird look when he saw me mixing blue ink and water. I had to give an apologetic smile. He also appreciated me for my carbon cycle project's explanation, but he never explained his nitrogen cycle. He made me feel so special that I forgot all my woes. Only his smile was enough to make me the happiest person on the earth.
On 21st December 2017, I wished him an advance happy birthday. He said with surprise, "Thanks, no one remembered my birthday before." I flew high in my fantasy world after hearing those words spoke by Tala. He used a pen of mine which I unfortunately lost.
On 27th December 2017, I was damn nervous. When I felt no one was paying attention and everyone was busy in their own world, I called him, "Talaā¦ Tala!". He turned towards me. I handed him the chocolate which I had bought with my pocket money. "Belated happy birthday," I said. He had wide eyes and he took it and shook hands with me. I felt delighted. I immediately sat on my bench. God! I felt my face getting hotter. I was blushing so hard. I tried to control my smile.
On 28th December 2017, he was asking almost everyone if they ate pineapple biscuits, but that was actually my strawberry lip balm! I controlled my laughter. But that day Tala refused to take my record book. He wanted that Bella's book. There were rumours that he loved that girl- it broke my heart many a time.
Regardless, I never stopped loving Tala, because I knew nobody could ever love him like I loved him.
On 29th December 2017, I came to know that Tala knew that I loved him. I had told Salina. Salina told her friend Rolly. Rolly told Tala, and Tala told to his friend Antonie. Antonie told my friend Zoana, and Zoana told to me. I was so anxious. I never wanted it to spread this way. But a part of me was happy about it, as sometimes I felt that I never had the courage to confess him. It had been much easier this way.
It was soon new year and it was gone like a storm. It was 2018! He scolded me for picking up chocolate wrappers, which was one of my hobbies. From that day on, I never picked another up. I tried my best to ignore him, but I wasn't successful. He was omnipresent, if not in reality,then always on my mind. I saw all kinds of dreams. He was always there.
Once I saw him playing football in my dream. It was only the two of us one sunny afternoon day. Out of nowhere Sir. Mallesh came and spoiled our romantic mood and atmosphere. He ordered us to kick the football, but when I kicked it, it hit Sir's face. We laughed! When he kicked the ball, it went flying on top of a tree. I felt frustrated when my mom woke me up.
Our class monitor wrote Tala's name on the board. Tala told her to erase his name. She told him to wait for 2 minutes. Tala started to count, subconsciously I too counted. Tala's super-hearing power! God I would still appreciate him for that. He heard me count and turned around directly meeting my eyes. I was terrified by that look. My heart was beating very fast.
I made some kinda shrine with sticks the next day during the assembly when he spoke. "Nice creativity". That day Salina sat with Tala because of some drawing. I was damn jealous. I felt heartbroken. I wanted to sit with him too!
Tala was always different. Once, in maths, Ma'am told him to get outside and stand facing the class from the window. Any ordinary student would never do that, but he did it. I laughed a lot, when Ma'am told him that she didn't literally mean it. Man! He looked so innocent there.
I started to notice that Salina was only using me at times. She never thought of me as a friend. I was so childish to believe every word spoken by her.
I hated Tala for one thing. Whenever I stared at him, within 7 seconds he would stare me back, which never gave me the chance to see him perfectly.
On 8th January 2018. Many of my classmates, complained about Tala's rude behaviour. They were actually taking advantage when he was absent. I know Tala had been wrong sometimes, but it didn't mean that he was a devil. Situations and circumstances makes a person that way. I noticed that no one defended him. I wanted to come to his defense, but I didn't- people would take it the wrong way.
That day I had another dream. I told him that I love this toy. He stole it and asked me teasingly, "Where's your toy?" My dream ended soon. Maybe there was more to it, but I had forgotten.
On 10th January 2018, I was talking to Salina in language period, when Sir suddenly made me stand to read. I read somewhere in that line and accidently read part of it twice. Sir was annoyed and refused to hear me. That was the time when Tala, my saviour defended me by saying, "Sir, you didn't explain it."
I was bewildered. I was so happy to read the next line. Salina was already teasing me saying, "he caresā¦ he caresā¦" I said that he did that even before and closed the topic. We both exclaimed "so cute!" When we saw Hitler's childhood photographs in history period, I was jealous of Salina as Tala would talk to her about Harry Potter. I tried not to be jealous thinking that he always talks with me about things related to anime.
Once in assembly, I was out of the normal line when he called my name twice. My heart was seriously pounding fast. Phew! He was drawing something, he was totally devoted to his work. I loved him for that.
I saw another dream. We all were in one "acting club". I could make out me, Salina and Tala and I had been late. I didn't even dare to look at him. I just noticed him by his water bottle and bag. I gave a satisfactory explanation and he seemed to be impressed. Tala spoke, "Meet me in the basketball court." I felt like I didn't hear him, so I asked Salina, "What did he say?" Salina just smiled and my dream ended.
I saw another dream. I was with Tala, his so called friend 'Pierre' invited him saying, "Its ready." Tala invited me too. We saw 2 pictures on a computer screen. It was of a forest. One was light and the other one was dark. "Which one is good?" he asked. "Right one, it's really nice," I said and he came towards me. I gently hugged him.
The dream ended and I woke up with a smile plastered on my face. I never had any physical contact with him, even in my dreams.
On 17th January 2018, I saw him caressing a small, cute, black puppy outside the school. That scene will remain etched in my memories forever.
On 19th January 2018, I felt Tala watching me that day, more times than me watching him. It was as if he wanted to see if I paid attention to him.
On 22nd January he was absent, I read out my English homework and I wrote his biography. I was a little sad as I wanted him to listen to what I had written about him.
On 24th January, he came to school. I was so happy that I hugged Zoana. I felt like crying happy tears. They all ate gums Tola had given them and I got the packet. When I opened it, it was empty. I felt like crying. "LOL," he said. There I laughed along with everyone. But deep down, it hurt me a lot, as it showed him how desperate I was for a little piece of gum. But later I removed that thought from my mind.
During Maths period, Santami, his bench partner asked me for my English classwork to copy. I handed it to him, but then I immediately understood the reason behind it, even Zoana saw the whole scene. They were so engrossed in reading my biographies \that they didn't hear Ma'am telling them to sit. I remember, I mentioned his birthday, his comics, his career and settling in Japan and almost everything. After a few minutes, Tala came till my bench and gave me my book. He said, "Thanks for writing my name." That was too much to digest for me. I was swimming above the clouds. I felt like I was going to faint by his statement. God! He made me insane.
On 25th January 2018, I came to know that the rumours spread very fast. I was feeling scared. But still that's none of my concern. The biggest thing was that his expressions were different whenever he saw me. He asked me for the stapler with a strange glint in his eyes. I could have died by that look.
Inthe last period, the class was empty except Tala and Santami. Santami said, "Sayumi arrived." I tried my best to act as if he wasn't present. But, while packing my bag, I stared at him, I saw that odd glint in his eyes once again. I was so frightened that I ran out of the class. That was horrible. I couldn't bear that. I said my republic day speech very well, but, he never attended those functions. My parents did not come to hear "me" I knew it, they never cared about' my' emotions.
In social period, Sir divided us into groups. He was in that Bella's group. I felt sad. But my group wasn't bad at all. Tala had a fever that day and he looked extremely cute! His eyes were looking red in the last period. He sat just in front of me and Salina in language period. I felt shocked and I.. I was nervous, my palms had become as cold as ice. My heart was beating like an express train. He was going to make me faint by just doing nothing.
Those days, I had two sides. One person at school and another at home. I never knew which of them was 'me'. I was extremely cheerful and active at school. I was polite but at the same time I had a loud voice which caused me trouble many a time. I used to argue till the end. If I was right I hated to apologize, but, soon I understood that a 'sorry' never meant that I lost a battle on a field- it didn't mean that I was wrong. I knew it-that sorry meant, 'Please can we stop talking and arguing about this shit and stop wasting time?'
I was and still am stubborn. I never told anyone, but I felt lonely. I knew I had friends, but they were not like friends. They never kept my secrets and so I stopped believing them. I love my parents. At times they don't understand my feelings. But, the truth be said, I seriously don't deserve such good parents. Yes, they do irritate me and sometimes, I feel like leaving my home, but at the end, everything seems fine when they are with me.
I remember once my 'Papa', father, disagreed to give me my pocket money. I felt horrible as he wasn't fulfilling his promises. Then I started to argue as it was almost six months since he had given me money. He shouted. "You always waste money." I said "NO! I save them for occasions." He started to make a list how he bought daily items for me. I felt hurt. He told that I wasted his money like it didn't matter to me.
"But, I never asked for favours!" I screamed and he muttered something. I felt tears burnning in my eyes. It was hard for me. I ran away, saying, "I'm leaving!" I ran to a nearby building as it was raining heavily. 'If they thought I wasted their money, then I'll live by myself' I thought and ran. I sat and cried hard. Then my parents found me. I didn't talk to them for a while and later I apologised to my papa.
I felt guilty as I never wished them to feel that I hated them. Thank God they forgot that incident soon.
...Back to my school...
On 1st February 2018, was our social group presentation which I mentioned before..
During our presentation, Tala returned from washroom. When he entered the class, I seriously forgot my lines. Then I concentrated deeper and spoke somehow. Our group got 15.5 points and Bella's group, indirectly Tala's group, got 16 points which meant that their group had won.
Everyone blamed me for getting less points. But it wasn't my fault. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I cried hard. How dare they say that to me? I tried my best to make my team the best. Was that my mistake? I managed everyone's role, whoever was absent, I played their part, was that my mistake? Everyone blamed me. I felt my self-confidence diminishing. I felt ashamed of myself. Nobody cared how I feltā¦ No one loves me on this earthā¦
While returning I heard Tala call my name. He shouted, "Oh! Sayumi!" I turned around and met his eyes. All my anxiety, fear, sadness slowly faded away as I waved my hand saying goodbye. He was in a van and I was in an auto. That made my day. He was the only one who made me happy! I had more feelings for him after that.
In English period, when Ma'am laughed- everyone used to laugh while the novel was being read-I laughed hard as it was being read too. I laughed hard when I saw Tala laughing continuously- it was ridiculous fake laughter!