Pulling himself together, he put on a tough expression. Looking So Young dead in the eye with no expression on his face he said, "I'll give you your turn to speak but it better not be a waste of my time."
Walking past him, he seated down on the chair from before and looked at So Young who was still standing there. Wiping the tears away, he walked over to the table and sat down.
He was silent for a moment collecting his thoughts and trying to calm himself down. Seung Joon wasn't a patient person but because he was tricked into coming here and unexpectedly running into his ex, he thought that he should rather just calm the fuck down and listen to what So Young had to say.
~~~
Placing the damp handkerchief on the table, he placed his hands on his lap and started fidgeting. Swallowing hard he looked at Seung Joon.
The look in Seung Joon's eyes made his heart hurt. He longed to see him for so long and yet right now they were sitting beside one another and it seemed as if the one who has his heart hates him and wants nothing to do with him nor be in the same room as him which made his heart want to bleed.
With much difficulty, he kept himself from crying. Looking away he started. "The first thing I want to say is that I never forgot you. You were my first boyfriend, the one who accepted me and the one who loved me. Those four years when we were together was the only years of my life that I enjoyed. After you left, I became an asshole wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. I became hopeless and I think I died emotionally. I cried nonstop, refused to eat and well basically, I couldn't get over you. I still am in love with you. I still love you."
Sighing at how pathetic he sounded, he wiped away the tears that were about to fall continuing. "I... that day when you broke up with me, the words I said, I'm really sorry about that but I most likely meant all of it. I did not like the fact that you were living in that place you called home. I did not like that you were so secretive about your family and how you put them before me. When you accepted my feelings I was so excited and told myself that I would do whatever I could to keep you but I ended up losing you in the end."
"I wanted to spoil you with the money my parents gave me, I wanted to help lessen your burden when you always had to think about your siblings. When we went out to places you would always end up paying no matter the amount and I always felt shit afterwards because I know that you all were just eating butter bread and drinking tea. You all were having such a hard time and I hated that you had to take responsibility for it all as the eldest."
"I bought you expensive gifts but you never wear them, I bought you nice things to eat but you never ate them, being with you made me feel so shit about having money, it made me hate myself and it made me hate you but I knew that I loved you more and that feeling I thought was hate was actually me realizing how pathetic as a human I was. The things I said to you that day weren't lies, because we were dating I was under the impression that you were mine and I was yours, that whatever I say, you do and whatever you want me to do, I do it. I was a selfish person and I still am, I wanted you all to myself and did not want to share you with anyone, not even Jinha but I had to. In the beginning, I hated them all, but after getting to know them - I wanted to be a part of your family but in the end, I just ended up losing you." He said the last part with a whisper because his tears started falling and his voice cracked.
Because his emotions got the better of him, he couldn't speak anymore and just ended up crying, covering his face with his hands, crying into his palms.
Seung Joon on the side had his head leaning back because he did not want to see So Young cry. To him, this continuous nonsense of becoming emotional was not him, this was actually the second time he cried in his life as an adult and he was not having it easy trying to control his emotions in front of his ex.
After some time of trying to get his own emotions in check, he got up from his seat and kneeled down in front of So Young. Pulling away his hands, he wiped So Youngs tears away and asked, "So Young, do you know why I left you?"
With his face cupped in Seung Joon's hand's, he shook his head. Seung Joon almost laughed because So Youngs cheeks suddenly looked like he was hiding food in his cheeks. "I left you not because I wanted to. I have always prioritised my siblings over anyone else and I am sorry about that. I genuinely loved you and I always will but back then after that man broke into our house and scared Jinha, it felt like I was neglecting my duties as the eldest child of our household."
"I am the one who kidnapped my siblings and placed us in that place because my parents were toxic people and I didn't want Jinha growing up in a home where our parents were like that. It was my responsibility to look after them and I neglected that part when got too involved with you, but believe me when I say I loved you because I did that isn't a lie. I was secretive about my background because my family is something that I wish I was never born into, my father is a horrible human being and I wish I wasn't his son, my mother is unstable to the point where I can't trust myself or my siblings around her. My family is just so fuckin messed up that I have no proper words to explain that bullshit."
"I left because I needed to protect My siblings and that's what I did, leaving you is one of my greatest regrets but I couldn't take you with me, do you understand that?"
So Young nodded his head, somewhat agreeing to Seung Joons words.
"I did feel bad after what you said but its nothing I couldn't get over with. I didn't know how else to break up with you so, me playing angry that day was just a lie, I was hurt and I regretted it later that day, the days after and now too," he added while kissing So Young on the forehead.
After this, the two of them settled down and weren't in the mood to eat anything. So Young asked for Seung Joon's number, ending up with the two of them exchanging numbers.
They left the restaurant; Seung Joon walked So Young to his car where they hugged. Both of them were reluctant to let go of the other but because Seung Joons phone rang and he needed to be back at the office the two said goodbye.
Getting into his car, he watched Seung Joon walk to his car feeling a bit sad. Once he was out of his sight he stomped his feet and yelled into hands. Feeling relieved... after doing so he smiled.