Remembering those days when I could laugh without feeling hurt , and guilt feels so long ago .
Now I am just like a hollow container , no emotions , no reality , no nothing. Just an inanimate object that exists .
I havent seen anyone for the past two weeks .
Maybe I should go on about my happier self , maybe that would make more people interested but every story has a bad past , maybe I should start with that before I can even talk about anything better. Everyone should know what a horrible person I am .
Noone knows what actually happened not even Darren and Tammy,they probably think that I am missing because of that jerk . And by the jerk I am obviously referring to my ex-boyfriend , he was perfect for me or so I thought .
If I would actually write a book , I am very sure that it would be named how wrong my judgement is.
My boyfriend's name was Michael king . He was the kind of guy who you would think is sweet and sensitive and would always be there for you. I thought that . Wrong ! All wrong .
I don't want to even remember him right now . He is the most manipulative jerk I have ever seen and he is in my past.
I look up to the sky and see that it is already night . Everyday I since that day , since the accident ... I have spent my every single moment here . Where no one would find me , no one would ask me if I was okay and no one would show me fake sympathy and say they are sorry even though they did nothing wrong and they know nothing about why and how it actually feels.
Honestly when someone tells me they understands how I feel , I just want to scream out loud ... Scream that they have no idea how it feels to be in my place . To everything gone and to know that what happened was your fault.
I hate those people , but more so I hate myself . Maybe if I had been more observant and more worried about others they would still be here , talking to me , caring for me ...being the best and the coolest people ever.
I don't know if I will ever be able to speak about them again ... Honestly I have said even a single word . Maybe someday I would be able to say something , maybe someday I would smile again .
I wipe the tears from my eyes and stand up from the cold cemetery where my parents graves were side by side . Reminding me every second of how if they hadn't played the hero , I would have died in the accident not them .
I regret that I didn't die .