This all took place in a span of 3 years. I was graduated from high school and possibly on my way to join the USMC. Everything looked and felt fine, perfect even. Hell, I never felt so sure that my life would be smooth sailing since.
It was at a friend's home. We were joking around, like usual, and start browsing random dating sites on my laptop. Christian Mingle, Tinder, and eHarmony. It wasn't long until we came across an infidelity site that we couldn't quit laughing about.
My friend had the bright idea of signing me up as none other than a dare. Sure, why the hell not? I didn't really think much of it and also thought it was amusing. It took no less than 30 minutes to complete the profile and add all the juicy pieces of info on it.
The profile puts me up as a 21-year-old Uni student and had several relationships gone awry. Now, "I'm soul searching for true passion". After some searching, we lost interest and pushed the laptop to the side and proceeded back to playing video games.
I got back on my laptop a couple of hours later and realized I had got myself a "match". For the story, I'll name her "Emma". I showed it off like a grand accomplishment. I was an idiot then, and probably am now, but it's who I am.
Curiosity gets the better of me and I start conversing with Emma when I arrive home. She was a 35-year-old married woman with a husband that's never home. We quickly became fond of each other and in a span of a week, the texts gradually got raunchier.
It was obvious that we both wanted to meet.
I knew what I was doing was improper, but it's what made it feel so good. The rush from sneaking out of the house to "visit friends" and risking getting caught was pretty awesome.
We agreed to meet on a weekend, at a certain plaza. It was in a different city and I needed the extra precaution of making sure nobody will recognize me. We both arrived early, and hot damn was she a bombshell.
Emma looked pretty similar to Cassi Thomson, the actress from Big Love. It was very difficult to believe that her husband would be distant, given her looks. I'm only saying this because if I would've been with her, I'd be visiting every store, making it known that my wife was beautiful.
We passed off as friends, in a way, in public. We only greeted each other with a hug and quickly made way to a restaurant I had reserved in advance. The food there was pricey, but it looked amazing. There was no refusing that we both loved it.
She gives me a small kiss on the cheek and said she'd love to do this again. I was essentially squealing on the inside. I never expected a girl to be saying that to me.
A whole 2 months go by with dinner dates and kisses with Emma being regular on the weekends. I'm in San Diego, at MEPS for the USMC. It was all "no, sir", "yes, sir" and "no, ma'am", "yes, ma'am". I was stuck inside a building and I haven't seen the sunshine in so long that I lost track of time.
It took my Friday and Saturday away only to have the old military doctor say he needs my medical records because he thinks I'm slow. My Staff Sergeant went and said to me that I bombed the ASVAB, so he really doesn't know why the doctor thinks otherwise.
I was disappointed, and I really didn't think much of it. All I had to do was provide the medical records. Coincidentally, Emma was also visiting San Diego, for leisure time. She offers me a ride to her hotel, and I agreed.
After convincing my Staff Sergeant that my family would pick me up, I hand in my military record and pack my bags. I brought extra clothes and formal apparel for an interview that never happened.
It turned out that I'd actually be needing to dress sharp because she wanted to go on another date with me. She was closer and flirtier than usual, and we didn't mind being "touchier" in a city of complete strangers. She especially loved pulling me by the tie to kiss me.
Back at the hotel, we couldn't help but make out in the elevator. We probably made the poor guy that was next to us very uncomfortable. She grabs me by my hand as soon as the elevator opens and we make a run to her room.
The door locks behind me. She then reached into a drawer and produces a bottle of liquor. For the first time, I had gotten drunk. Of course, one thing led to another and by morning, I wake up hungover next to Emma. All of our clothes were strewn all over the floor. I remembered everything and felt like the luckiest person alive.
Everything was great. I was, she was, the food, the drinks, and the sex. I had a taste of the mature life and I enjoyed it. We started slowing down and settled for more "traditional" home cooked meals and movies at home.
We still went out and became more daring. Going to the mall near home and whatnot. My closest call was when we were nearly caught by my then teacher. I swear he knew what was going on but he played it off. We still invited him to dinner and he respectfully declined.
It was the best time of my life for a while.
Then one day, we scheduled for another date, where I'd buy her lingerie and she'd "try it out" with me at her home. She never arrived. I texted twice and called, but I never received a reply. Naturally, I was confused because she never avoided my texts before. The first time, it happens, but she'll reply the second. Then again, she has a husband and he's with her maybe? I loitered near the store for almost an hour before going home.
It was easy to convince myself that something happened and she's busy.
Turns out I was horribly right…
Her phone rings mine the next day. I happened to be on her ICE contacts and it was a hospital telling me Emma had been in a car accident. It really got bad when I found out it was on the same day as our date.
I was feeling very emotional, and opt for public transportation because I didn't feel safe driving by myself. It felt like an eternity for just a 20-minute bus ride. Sadness, guilt, and fear filled me and the bus.
I get off in front of the hospital and as soon as I'm inside, I inquire about Emma. An old, well-built man in suit sees and greets me. He was a detective investigating whether or not the accident was indeed an "accident".
I wasn't allowed to see her as the husband was in there. I didn't want to hear it; I tried and begged to see her but the detective was adamant. He was supposedly "doing me a favor even though I probably deserve to get knocked the 'F' out". He escorts me out and asks me politely not to come back unless asked.
Emma gets her phone back and every night for a week, I was on the phone with Emma. She wanted me to be there. I told her why they didn't let me and settled that we'll do whatever she wants, and I'll have a surprise when she's discharged. She seemed happy to hear it and told me to wait.
For that night, I start browsing jewelry online. I had quite a bit of money saved from working. I don't pay bills or anything so it really just gets shoved to the back of my drawer. So to me, $900 out of my pocket was a loss I was comfortable with.
Though, that day never came.
She passed away…
The detective called me personally to break the news and it hit me very hard. The hospital didn't know why, but the detective believed it was an error on the hospital themselves.
I don't think anything could've prepared me for it. I took to liquor as a way to numb everything. My friend reluctantly bought it for me and I gave him some extra money to keep. In a span of a month, I lose all my strength, the money I saved, and gain the weight I spent almost a year exercising away.
The USMC prospect falls through and I become depressed. Nothing really made sense anymore and everything just became a shade of gray. I felt like an alien wherever I went.
I spiraled further down as I started using drugs like Xanax just to find a way to feel happy. It all became public knowledge when I accidentally overdosed and my mother was hysterical on the way to the hospital.
It tore me up to see her like that, so I ended up confessing to a lot of people. Friends, family, the hospital staff, and even my old teachers eventually knew about Emma.
I really wasn't able to recover for nearly a year. I sat down one day and really started thinking about my life. I eventually found ways to cope, which one of them is writing, and reached out to my friend. We made amends, I never blamed him, but he couldn't help but feel that way.
I only had him promise that we'd never use another dating site again…
.
.
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Author's Note:
As I use this as a reference and had shown this to a friend recently, they (occasionally) believe this was my actual experience (lmao) and as a disclaimer, I can affirm that this isn't a true story.
This was inspired by the influx of "r/AskReddit" videos on YouTube.