{Emira}
As I calmly scraped the razor-sharp blade across my scalp, I was thinking on the problem stumping me.
Maybe if I change the ratio of rubber to self-adapting metal it while prevent tire degradation, and then the unavoidable tire blowout when I travel at exceptional speeds.
"What are you doing?"
I heard Geoff say from behind me.
I looked into the mirror in front of me to see him sitting upright in my bed.
The cover fell of him slightly, revealing his bare chest.
"Shaving."
He chuckled.
"I can see that. I meant, why are you shaving? I thought you were just bald, not purposefully shaving off your hair."
Without stopping what I'm doing, I answered him.
"Where I'm from your hair shows the path you took in life. So, when you die the orisha look at your hair to determine where you belong in the afterlife. Petty criminals get a section of their hair cut, and those who do worse crimes are shaved bald. If they die before their hairs fully grows back in they won't be allowed into the afterlife."
He had a confused expression on his face.
"So, by shaving your head, you're..."
"I'm ruining any chance of me going to the ancestral lands."
"Why would you do that?"
"Because I don't deserve to go there."
"Look, no offense against your culture, but fuck that. Nothing you did in your past could be bad enough to warrant going to hell."
I turned around to face him.
"It was."
He cocked an eyebrow.
"Huh?"
"What I did was bad enough to warrant going to hell. Even though we don't believe in a hell like your kind does. Our afterlife punishment is exclusion from your family, and an interruption of your journey to the next stage of your life."
"That sounds like a worse hell than mine. I mean I might be tortured for all eternity, but at least I'm sure a large chunk of my family will be there."
I studied his face for a smirk or something, but only saw a dead serious man.
"You're not joking about that, are you?"
He shook his head.
"No, most of my family were and are assholes. It's why when one of us becomes worm food we don't mourn, we just say see you in hell."
"Really?"
He nodded.
"Yup, and we've been excommunicated from every church and or temple from every religion around these parts, so I ain't ever getting into heaven."
"They really kicked out your entire family?!"
"People being shitty to people ain't new, and it won't change. But,"
His eyes grew happy.
"Jaxon was different. He gave me a shot when no one else would, fighting on my behalf to be accepted to the guard. So, that I could have a better life."
His face turned sour.
"And when he needed me most, I wasn't there."
"Is that why you won't stop trying to find those bandits?"
"No, that's why I will find those bandits. And when I do...."
He balled his fists so tight that the veins in his arms were showing.
But soon as it came, it was gone, and his happy go lucky face slid back on.
"But we're not here to talk about that, but we are here to convince you how great you are. Like, how you saved that merchant caravan a month back."
"Says the guy who ran an injured child back here on foot."
"Which was only possible because of you giving me the stasis cloth. Which caused your gender to be revealed."
While true, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Yeah, some people brought back the equipment I sold to them and demanded refunds, but the majority of people just went about their business.
"And if none that convinces you, then how about the fact that you convinced me to sleep with you."
"I convinced you?"
"Oh, yes, and I was on the fence. Luckily you had a very compelling argument."
"I just asked you if you wanted to have sex."
I deadpanned.
"Like I said, a very compelling argument."
He smiled.
"And the stuff we did! I didn't even know butt-stuff could feel that go... Wait."
A confused look crossed his face again.
"Am I gay now?"
I rolled my eyes.
The people here just can't help themselves.
I got up, walked over to him, and placed his hand on my breast.
"Wha..?"
I pointed down at the rapidly rising tent in the fur cover.
"You are want you are."
"That makes no sense."
I shrugged.
"It's what my grandmother told me. Now, do you need me to take care of this."
I gestured at his manhood.
"Nah, I'm good."
He said shaking his head.
"You got stuff to do. Just give me a couple of minutes, and I'll have it handled. Literally."
He started shaking his right hand, and I laughed.
I turned to get my stuff, but then turned back.
"One more thing."
He looked expectantly at me.
"I never asked, but how did you know about my stasis cloth?"
He shrugged.
"I saw cloth like it before. A travelling dignitary used it to keep her feet from hurting. Though she had only had two tiny wraps of the stuff."
"But how did you see it on me? I always wore it under my other clothes."
"Not always."
I looked at him quizzically.
"I... ugh... came upon you taking a quick bath in a stream in the woods. I was coming to say hi when I noticed the cloth then your boobs. I decided I shouldn't stick around, and so I left."
"You didn't say anything."
"It wasn't any of my business."
"Thank you."
"For the best fuck of your life? Don't worry, it was my pleasure."
I laughed again as I grabbed my clothes, and left him to his business.
Once dressed, I headed outside, and saw Mary, Daryn, and Rake standing there.
"Good morning."
I told them.
"Good morning."
Mary replied.
"You know you don't have to wear that anymore. We all know you're a lady, and you shouldn't have to be ashamed of that."
She's talking about my breast bindings.
"I'm not ashamed."
"But doesn't it hurt?"
"It wouldn't if he'd hurry up, and find more stasis cloth."
I mumbled about Siel.
"What?"
"Never mind. Let's get started on the list for today."
I started walking, and they followed.
She started to read her list.
"Okay, first thing is Claude. He's scheduled a meeting with you."
Claude has been one of the things that's gotten progressively worse when I was found out to be female.
His badgering has increased tenfold.
"Next. We both know what he wants, and we both know I'm just going to say no."
She nodded her head, and looked back at the list.
"Then, Jerrold needs help fixing the western gate to the boma. Someone accidentally broke the hinges."
I sighed.
Now I know how my parents and the other elders felt.
Most of the problems I have to fix wouldn't even have been broken if someone had used common sense.
Case in point, no one should have to say not to take a piss by a well!
I use half of my brain to listen to Mary and fix the problems, but the bulk of my focus are on my tire problem.
Maybe if I used a mesh form, but then I'd have to find the right type of material to use.
"There's my favorite girl!"
We were in the middle of the square were a lot of the more convenient shops are, when one of my biggest headache makers came and put his arm around my neck.
"No."
"Don't be like that."
Once more I am wondering if I should just throw him out of Dungeon town.
But Mary said that could come with unforeseen consequences, and it's not like I can't handle him.
"Here in civilization we adhere to good manners. Unlike in Dale."
Ten... No, fifteen. There are fifteen different ways I could put him in unbelievable pain within five strikes.
I wonder how he'd react if he knew what I was truly thinking about?
"She said no. You can take a hint, and leave now."
He didn't even look at Mary to respond to her.
"If I wanted useless commentary, I'd have asked a leper before you Mare."
Actually sixteen. I forgot about the trigeminal nerve. He'd feel that for the rest of his life.
"That's Mary to you!"
His face is so close too.
It would just take four pounds of pressure.
"Not when you purposefully choose to not tell her about my meeting, Maaaare."
"She told me about your intention to meet with me."
I told him.
"I chose to ignore you."
"Why would do something like that?!"
He looked wounded I'd even suggest that I would ignore him.
"All conversations with you are pointless. You'll keep asking, and I'll keep saying no."
He laughed at me. Like I said something incredibly stupid.
Wow, he really does expose all of his vital spots when he's jovial.
"Look, I know you're from a backwards island, but..."
It's actually a group of islands, with some that are more than twice the size of your kingdom.
"...the first rule of trade is never take the first dozen noes seriously. The costumer doesn't know what they want, or rather what they need."
What I want and need overlap though, and what they are is beating you up.
If only Thonie weren't out hunting in the forest.
"I've already told you no more than a dozen times."
He stopped draping his arm on me, and stood in front of me.
"That doesn't count though, you're a Dalian. Everyone knows that no is worthless when talking about Dalians! But,"
He threw his hand up into the air.
"I will admit that some of the blame falls on my shoulders. I thought I was dealing with a man this entire time, instead of the beautiful lady that you are. I mean just look at those dainty hands."
I looked down at my rough, callused hands.
"You think base flattery will get you anywhere?"
Mary said.
"And where was this flattery when you thought she was a man?"
"Shut up Mare!"
Rake's claws were released, and he looked to me for permission.
I shook my head no.
Then, I stared Claude down.
"You don't tell her to shut up, or I will make it so you won't be able to tell her - or anyone - anything ever again, understood?"
He didn't respond, instead he just swallowed.
"We...well, anyway. I have something for you."
He pulled out a cheap necklace with an opal at the end.
"Tell me how you make your special rock, and this and more like it will be yours."
I could easily snap those fingers holding that necklace.
"I'm a blacksmith, not a jeweler, but even I can make something better than the piece of shit you are holding. Also, I already have a necklace."
I pointed to my mother's fertility necklace.
"That primitive thing!"
He looked disgusted.
"This 'primitive' necklace has been passed down for hundreds of years. The leather is from the first animal my oldest male ancestor hunted, the carved ivory pendant was crafted by my family's oldest matriarch, the twines used to lengthen it was made by the men who married into our line, and every stone was found by the mother's to be and ground down to their current form. This isn't just a pretty bobble, it is history. It has seen war, peace, famine, bounty, plague, tyranny, revolution, death, and birth. How about yours? Does it twinkle in the light?"
He grew silent and thoughtful.
Too bad he had to ruin it by opening his mouth.
"And they couldn't find any precious stones? Don't worry I know a guy. I can get you a good price on some gems, and you can fix their mistake."
Before I could say anything a fist punched him, sending him careening onto the ground.
I looked back up to see a fully armored Geoff standing above him.
"You don't have to protect me."
I told him.
"You think I did this for you? Yeah, no. I've seen you kill men thrice his size. No, I did this for all of the men who weren't here to do it themselves."
"What?"
"Men get blamed for what every other man does. So, when you get the chance you got to beat those assholes' asses."
As we were talking Rake went over to Claude, and kicked him.
"How hard did you hit him?!"
He exclaimed when Claude didn't wake up.
"Do you think that he will wake up any time soon?"
"I guess."
"Then, not hard enough."
We all laughed, save Mary.
"Haarkkkeek!"
Who made a weird sound while trying to stifle her laughter.
"Violence is not a joke!"
She said while looking back and forth between Geoff and Daryn.
It took awhile, but he got what she was trying to convey.
"Oh!"
He went over to Daryn.
"She's right kid. In a world of violence no one wins, or as my uncle would say, a world of an eye for an eye eventually leads... to someone figuring out that if you kill everyone else, you get to keep your eyesight."
Realizing the mistake she made, Mary tried to stop him from corrupting Daryn any further.
"You know what, I thin..."
But Geoff completely absorbed into spreading his wisdom didn't even hear her.
"Now, I wouldn't be too hung up on what my uncle thinks because he's in hell, but the core principals of it still remains. Violence should never be used, except on people that you think deserve it. Like if you see some piece of shit attacking someone weak, I want you to give them an asswhooping so great that their great-great-great-grandkids have to be taken to a healer! They'll come out of the womb beaten and bloody. As for how you can take them down, I'll give you the advice my mom gave me. Get a good sized rock or other weapon, but don't go after the main aggressor. Go after their backup. People who go after the weak are cowards, and will seek strength in numbers.
Use the shock of them losing the security blanket called lackeys to get close to them, but don't fall for the rookie trap of going for the face. They'll expect that, and block. Instead, go low."
He pointed at his leg.
"Try to break their ankle. Strength means jack if you can't move. Then, when you beat them down to the ground they'll beg for mercy, but don't fall for it! Keep beating..."
"Shut up!"
He looked up at Mary.
"What?"
"He's three!"
"You're never too young to learn life lessons."
"The only life lesson I can see is the fact that I should keep him far, far, far away from you."
"Well, that's just mean. I'm just trying to help."
"If you were truly trying to help, you wouldn't be telling him to kill people to avoid being blind!"
"Hey, I said that was my uncle's great advice."
"Great? You yourself said he's in hell!"
"Hey, you can be a jerk, and still give great advice."
"Like what?!"
"Stab first, so that you're not the first in the ground. I remember when my mom gave me my first weapon. A little paring knife when I was two."
We were all stunned by that. I don't know why I was however.
I know him.
"A lot of your family dies young, right?"
Mary asked him.
"I mean, well, yeah, but we have big families."
"That is fucked up."
Rake - who up till very recently was a slave - said.
"Like, really fucked up."
"What is..."
Greeeaaak!
A loud sound accompanied by a swift shadow above us interrupted him.
"Oh, great, she's here."
He flatly said.
"Can you not do that?"
I asked him in return.
"Do what?"
"Play the pronoun game."
"What's that?"
"In the time you took to say she, you could have just said her name. It would allow us to skip the awkward phase of you trying to introduce her while she's standing right in front of me." While we were talking a weird griffin landed, and a young jadian girl got off of it.
Seeing a weird new griffin land caused quite a stir, and made quite a few passerbys want to get a closer look. The female strangers went straight up to it, and started petting it; but when the men tried to touch it, it tried to bite their heads off. The young jadian slightly unsheathed her weirdly shaped sword, and the griffin turned into energy and got absorbed into her sword. Almost like how Jay absorbs us into his gem.
"Oh, well, in that case. It's the babysitter I was strapped to, her name is Minnie." The Jadian was walking towards us when she heard that.
"I keep telling you that's not my name, it is Minako!" She said with a glare. Geoff Shrugged.
"Everytime I say that, you tell me I'm wrong."
"Because you butcher it!"
"Why are you even here?"
"Because of you! We were specifically told not come over here. Lady Alyd Von Müller is concerned something could befall one of her guards. Two guards have already died!"
Geoff's face turned sour like this morning again.
"I know guards died. Their names were Annys and Jaxon. Why don't you ask Alyd what their names were."
"Why?"
"Listen very closely to what I am about to say. Alyd. Does. Not. Give. A. Single. Ratpiss. About. Anyone!"
"That can't be true. I've met her, and she's been nothing but kind to me. Unlike her brother; who, when he bothers to show up, treats everyone like trash!"
"She's nice to you because you're two of things she loves the most in the world. Naive and strong."
"I am not naive! I'm not stupid. I asked the help how she treats them. They're invisible to the rich so..."
"Yeah, ask the people who rely on her money to feed their families. Nope, not naive at all."He huffed to show his annoyance."Do you even have any idea why she is still not married?"
"I'd assume it's because she stood up to her father."
"Nope, she went along with every proposal, and each groom died."
"Coincidences happen."
"They were healthy the day before, and she's an alchemist. It's not hard to piece two and two together. She killed them."
"Maybe those old men were trying to force themselves onto..."
Before she could finish that thought Mary interrupted her.
"They were kids."
"What?"
"He is probably too young to fully remember, but eight years back when she was only fourteen rumor has it that she murdered her eleven year old betrothed."
"I heard about that!"
Geoff said.
"The older guards talk about it when they're deep into their beer. They say she murdered each of her suitors until they stopped asking."
"That all sounds like baseless hearsay. I'd like to hear her side of the story."
Mary grimaced.
"I can tell you her side of the story. She's a conniving bi..."
She looked down at Daryn. Who was staring up at her expectantly.
"Woman! Yeah, that's what I was going to say, she's a conniving woman."
Minako rolled her eyes.
"How's she conn..."
"She wants to rule Saltwater. But if she were to marry, she'd have to join her new husband on his land. The only way for her to take over is if her brother decides to take over his wife's land, but that will never happen."
"Why..."
"Her territory makes less coin per year. In all actuality he should never have married her. Saltwater gains nothing from her family."
"I heard that she has something on him. Like 'get the empire involved' something on him."
Geoff said, adding to the rumor mill.
"That's a cute theory, but wrong. I heard she knows a witch, and got a spell cast on him to love her."
"Everything both of you are saying is not but unsubstantiated rumors, and that... that..."
Her face grew red, and she started stuttering.
"... wouldn't... pass... in... a courtroo.... oooooh!"
Her legs grew unstable as she had an orgasm in the middle of the street.
She fell to the ground, and a wet puddle appeared underneath her.
Geoff pointed down at her.
"Did... did you just..."
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!!"
She yelled while her face once more became beat red.
"I don't know, but it was one of the best climaxes I've had all week!"
Daley said as he stood up on wobbly legs.
I didn't even see him walk up.
"It has been a slow week however, with Gobiee going out in the forest more."
I know how he feels. Thonie as well has been spending less time here, and more time hunting out there.
"Who the hell is he?!"
Minako yelled while pointing at him.
"Daley."
Everyone in earshot said in exasperation.
"Yup, that's my name, and as you can see everyone here loves me."
Daley said as he held out his hand to help her to her feet.
A hand she swatted away.
"It sounds more like they're annoyed."
She stated as she stood up.
"Nah, that's how they always sound when I'm around. Anyway my friends call me Archie."
She had a confused look on her face.
"You mean like that American comic?"
"You're from Earth too?!"
Minako's eyes grew wide in utter shock.
"Where's Earth?"
Geoff asked.
"I thought you said you were from a place called Japan?"
She glared at Daley, before turning to Geoff.
"Earth is the archipelago both of our islands are apart of."
"Oh, yeah, but my island of Canada is way bigger."
Minako whipped her head towards Daley.
"Canada? There's no way you're Canadian!"
"Why the hell not?!"
"You don't have the accent!"
"What?! You think we all have the same accent? What else, we all love hockey, and say eh all the time? Eh!"
"You just said that though."
He facepalmed himself.
"To make a point! How'd you like it if I said all Japanese people dress as anime characters, speak in high pitched voices, and can't hold their liqour?"
"That's racist, and untrue!"
"Exactly! Do you see what I'm getting at now?"
"But what I said was true."
He took a deep sigh.
"You know what? I think it would be for the best if you just call me Daley."
"I thought you said your friends call you Archie?"
"Exactly."
Her face grew red yet again. She should really learn to control that better.
"Well, jokes on you, I wasn't going to call you that any... What are you doing here?!"
I turned around to see who she is looking at, and saw a big man walking towards us.
"Oh, hello, Minako."
He said.
"Don't hello me Besian. You're not supposed to be here!"
He shrugged.
"You're here too."
She gasped, then pointed at Geoff.
"Only because of him! I would never have been here otherwise! But what's your excuse? What would your mentor think? He's taking his precious time and training you with it!"
As she was speaking a balding man with a bird monster on his shoulder came out of one of the shops that is out of her line of sight, stopped when he saw her, then did the throat slice signal at Besian as he backstepped back into the shop.
"I don't know."
Besian replied without skipping a beat.
"He'd never come here."
"Exactly! How hard is it to follow simple orders? What are you even doing here?"
He lifted a mace.
"Got a new weapon. This will help against more heavily armored enemies."
"I don't care. You could have brought that in Saltwater!"
He shrugged yet again.
"Better prices here."
Due to Flora we only charge a sales tax of only one percent to all merchants who sell their goods here at two thirds of their normal prices.
She's planning on drastically increasing it once all other businesses around us die out.
"Unlike you, Andrea is probably still working on her craft, and not letting simple things distract her. You..."
Daley's head jerked where he stood.
"Crap!"
He yelled. Then he turned to me.
"We got to get to the front gate, right now!"
"Why?"
"There's no time."
He took off in the direction of the front gate.
Only to stop, and come right back.
"Actually there's plenty of time until we reach the gate, and you should have all available information as possible to make a plan. You know I always why in movies they do..."
"Daley."
I interrupted him before he could go off on a tangent.
"Tell me why we have to go to the front gate."
"Oh, yeah."
He leaned in closer to me.
"It looks like a small army is headed this way."
"What?! You should have..."
Minako started, but didn't get a chance to finish.
"How many are headed this way?"
I asked.
"Hard to say. I'm not gonna let my goblins get closer than they should just to get a head count. I do know that it's more than a hundred, but less than three hundred."
Okay, then. I can deal with that.
I turned to Mary.
"Take Daryn, and go to the main house. It is the safest place. Rake, go with them, and then bring me my bag - you know which one. Geoff you can show anyone who wants to know where the side entrances are."
Mary and Rake rushed to do what I said, but Geoff just shook his head.
"Sorry no can do."
"Did you forget where they are already?"
"No, I told you that I'd fight by your side, and that's what I intend to do."
"You don't have to..."
He motioned to his armor.
"Eh, I'm already dressed for the occasion anyway. So, you should tell Minnie..."
"Besian and I will fight."
"What? But you didn't even want to be here."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I will turn my back on those in need!"
"Shouldn't you ask - Besian was it? - if he wanted to fight?"
Daley asked her.
"It would be nice to be asked once in awhile."
Besian stated.
"Oh, stop being such a big baby. You were going to join me anyway."
"Yes, but..."
"Come on, we're wasting time!"
She took off at blistering speeds.
"Why are you friends with her?" Daley asked as we started to follow her, but at a more reasonable pace.
"She has a good quality."
Besian replied.
"You said quality, not qualities."
He nodded.
"I know what I said. She might have horrendous manners, horrible judgment, and is impossibly naive; but she will have your back no matter what."
Geoff guffawed.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. It is how Andrea and I met her. She and I were protecting a small village from a band of bandits all of which were higher tiers than us. It was a losing fight, and anyone dumb enough to intervene would surely die; but despite the odds the first sight of her I had was her charging those bandits."
"And she beat them?!"
"Yeah, I was surprised too. She has to have the will of the gods on her side because even though she was weaker than everyone there, she killed them all."
"Wait.?"
Daley said.
"How'd she know you two were the good guys? For all she knew both of you were kidnappers who stole a kid, and those thugs were hired to bring them back!"
"Oh, she didn't. I'm pretty sure the reason she chose us was because she thought Andrea was hot. We were lucky that all of the bandits were men. I mean heck she didn't even know our language."
Geoff's eyes grew wide.
"But she speaks it fluently!"
"Yeah, but only after she killed the leader of the bandits, and made some weird gestures in the middle of the air above his body."
"She got her translation magic that easily?! I had to go through a whole mission chain to get mine!"
Daley said to no one in particular.
"What's a mission chain?"
"Ugh... it's not important! What is important is the fact that she probably has a system. Lucky bastard."
"What's a..."
"Let's just focus on the task at hand."
I said cutting them off before Daley talked himself into a corner.
He sucks at keeping secrets.
We made it to the gate a little while later.
Minako was already up top with the other beastmen.
We quickly ascended.
"Where were you?"
Minako asked as soon as my face was visible.
"We are about to be attacked!"
"And they can wait."
My answer shocked her into silence.
I walked past her, and stared past the five hundred yards of cleared land into the forest.
The battle of Dungeon town was about commence.