Shit on a cracker!
I knew she liked me, but I didn't think it was the show up naked kind of like.
Since awhile ago, but I - knowing how awkward it would make things - chose the only responsible choice I could make.
Ignore the problem, and pray to God that it goes away on its own.
Shut up Patty.
The whole situation is a catch twenty-two.
Either I reject her, and she feels like shit; or I do nothing, making her feel like I strung her along, and she feels like shit!
Maybe I should ask a...
You are the most useless piece of...
"Um, Jay?"
Jurea was subconsciously trying to cover her exposed flesh.
"I know this is a shock, but this was the only way I could work up the courage."
"Jurea I..."
I started, but Jurea held up a finger.
"Please, let me finish."
I nodded.
"I... I love you. I don't care that we aren't the same species, I don't care that you're a monster, and I couldn't give two shits what anyone else thinks. I want you."
She came forward to embrace me, but I stopped her.
"I know this won't be something that you want to hear, and that it'll just make me sound like a huge asshole, but it isn't you, it's me."
I led her over to one of the cots to sit down on.
"Look, I wasn't a good guy back on Earth, I didn't deserve to be turned into a monster, but I did hurt people."
"We all hurt people."
"Yeah, but that doesn't excuse it. Due to my own relationship problems, whenever anything almost became too serious I'd ghost people. You know about Carla, right?"
She shook her head no.
"I don't go through your memories."
"Afraid of what you'll see?"
"No, you have a right to your secrets. Gods above know I have mine. Flora always goes into your memories though."
"Yeah, she's an asshole."
I waited a beat, letting the awkward air between us dissipate a little bit before continuing.
"Anyway, Carla was the closest I ever got to a real relationship, but when she needed me - like really needed me - I jumped ship."
"You wasn't ready then, but now you're better. We can..."
"No, we can't. I would end up hurting you, and that's the last thing I'd want to do."
"I don't care!"
"But I do, and I'm not gonna budge on this, sorry. Look, one good thing to come from having people in my head is that I get to take stock of how I hurt others. I'm trying to be better, and that means not repeating the same stupid mistakes I made in the past."
It's probably why I give Flora a little too much leeway.
It took Jurea a few seconds to respond to what I said.
"So, this isn't just an excuse because of how I look, is it?"
"What?"
Her eyes became downcast.
"I know how I look, I'm not the prettiest, or girly at all. You aren't the first to reject me."
Great, just when I thought I couldn't feel like even more of an asshole.
I looked up, and mouthed fuck you to the gods up there.
Before, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Then those guys were idiots. There's nothing wrong with you."
Her eyes filled with glee.
"But there is something wrong with me."
The glee drained from her face.
"Hey, what are you twenty, twenty-four? You got your whole life ahead of you."
"Twenty-four? I'm seventeen."
"Wait, what?! You're younger than Flora?"
"Um, yeah. I thought you knew. I told you my life story."
"Exactly! Didn't you spend years training with that crazy old man?!"
"My master? Yeah, I did, and I didn't."
"Huh?"
"He has control of an ancient dungeon. He made it so that every day was like five days inside of it. So, I technically spent five years training, while only being gone for one."
Oh, my dear sweet God, I dodged a fucking bullet!
She's fucking underage. I was almost a pedophile!
What?!
Patty?
Shut up!
I was about to go back to talking to her, when Cees walked in carrying a basket of meat.
The same dried meat Maud is always eating.
He stopped in his tracks, and looked back and forth between me and a very naked Jurea.
The look on his face said 'You're cheating on Flora?!"; then morphed into 'Eh, she deserves it.'.
He put down the meat basket, gave a thumbs up, and left.
Nope, hell nope!
This too weird for me.
I'm out.
"We'll talk later, okay."
I said, as I got up, and left.
Only to come right back and grab the meat basket.
"You didn't want any of this, right?"
She shook her head, and I left - again.
As I'm popping the dried meat jerky into my mouth, I decided to absorb the merman heart.
Patty, absorb.
Show me what it does.
Please, show me what it does.
........
Mana Location : you are able to send out a pulse of mana similar to echolocation, and see your surroundings.
.......
Great, so another worthless ability.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have a question.
What?
This isn't a question question, so don't steal my energy.
You're a god.
So, you're an actual conscience, right?
If I make a mana golem, could you remotely control it?
Sweet, I know what we'll be practicing later!
_______________
Yes!
It's well into the second week we've been on this voyage, and I've finally done it!
I stared down at a perfect goblin that is being perfectly controlled by me.
"By you! What am I, chop liver?!"
Goblin me said.
"Wait, you can still hear my thoughts?"
Yup, the goblin me is in fact Patty.
"You can still see through this body, right?"
"Um... yeah."
"That means we're still connected mentally, dumb-ass."
"You know, I can't take your snarky attitude seriously with that voice."
"And whose fault is that?!"
"Hey, I altered the voice box to enable you to speak in the first place!"
"Yeah, into your voice box! Also, I'm a girl, why don't you make the golems female?"
"Because that'd be fucking weird. I'm a dude, and I'd have the body of a woman."
"And you think it isn't weird for me to be a woman in a male body?"
Shit, she got me there.
"You got that right."
Yeah, this'll get old.
"What will? Not being able to bullshit your way out of an awkward conversation."
Old, real fast.
"Pssh, you're just pissed I'm in the right."
I cancelled the golem.
I don't know what you're talking about, I just don't want to get caught talking to a magical construct by the smugglers.
We want to keep my abilities a secret.
Would you look at the time, I'm going to head to the deck.
I told Cees I'd meet him.
I left the hold.
I'll have you know, that I am very talented at ignoring annoying things.
Shut up Patty.
No one's your servant.
"Hey."
I said to Lyra, when I caught up to her.
"Oh, hey."
She joined me in walking up to the deck. "So, I guess you succeeded at what you've been trying to do?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"You seem happy."
"Really? Thanks, I guess."
"Why were you down here by the the hold?"
"I was waiting for you."
"Why?"
"I was wondering if you did what I asked of you yet?"
Awhile ago she had asked me to start saying my kills were in her (Patty's) name, that I should start sacrificing things to her, and a bunch of other weird things I have no idea why she'd want me to do.
You do?
What?
Isn't that bad?
She's trying to manipulate you.
You do?
Riches and bitches? How are you a god?
That's my line.
"Are...are you...communing with her right now?"
Lyra quietly asked me.
Communing? Who the fuck uses a word like communing?!
Shut up Patty.
"Yeah, I'm talking to her. And, no, I didn't do any of that."
She actually looks a little disappointed about that.
"Shut up Patty."
Lyra's eyes got really wide when I said that.
"What?"
"Can you not talk to her like that?"
"Why not?"
"She's a god!"
"God of my ass."
Lyra looks like she's about ready to have a heart attack.
"Look, I'll stop, but she isn't as tough as you think she is."
"I saw her one sidedly slaughter people!"
"I do that all the time."
"What?!"
She looked over at me terrified.
"Only when they deserve it."
I said, trying to alleviate her fears. Not that it worked.
"Just trust me, she isn't smite you powerful."
Yeah, says the guy whose head you're trapped in.
Just shut up Patty.
We made it out onto the deck.
"Okay, if you say so. Also, I really think you should at least do some of the things I suggested. It can really help you."
If I didn't know she was paying us, I'd think she was getting paid to make Patty a war god.
"Sure, sure, will do. Bye."
I left her standing there, and went to go get a drink while waiting for Cees.
While I was chugging away at the water I got, Cees walked up to me carry a cloak and two pails.
Around his neck was a new necklace.
In was made from a beautifully carved mana heart carved down with a strip of leather funneled through finely burrowed holes.
"Nice bling."
"What? Oh, you mean my new necklace. Yeah, Ash made them for the entire crew for a job well done with the mermaids."
I'm a little pissed I didn't get one then, considering I'm the one who killed the escaped mermaid.
"Did you want me to ask her to make you one?"
Cees asked, clearly seeing my face.
"Nah, man. I'm don't need one."
"You...uh...sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, well, here then."
He said, while passing the cloak to me.
Ever since I pulled that merman from out of him he's been giving me free shit.
Like the mermaid meat he salted and grilled.
And let me tell you, after you get past the fact it is the little mermaid, mermaid meat tastes fucking delicious.
I just wish I had tartar sauce.
The cloak looks like it was made from the skin and pelt of a mermaid.
I know I shouldn't be still taking stuff from him, but it's free shit. Who wouldn't keep taking it.
"Thanks. Is that the oil?"
Cees nodded as he handed me the metal pail filled with the rendered fat from a mermaid.
"{Heat wave}."
I was concentrating hard not to overheat the fat.
The fat turned to oil, and started to bubble.
"Pass the meat."
He passed me the other pail filled with mermaid meat I had salted and gave a seasoning rub (with the limited seasonings I...relieved from Maud's secret stores Cees knew about) last night.
I threw a few chunks into the oil, letting them fry.
After a minute and a half I plucked them out with my claws.
"Here, try this."
Cees took a piece, blew on it, then plopped it into his mouth.
His grew real wide in shock.
"That's amazing!"
He exclaimed.
"It would've been better if I had some paprika and a dash of cinnamon."
"What kind of spices are those? I never heard of them."
"Just some spices from where I'm from."
"Wow. You know I always just assumed that you lizards just ate your meat raw. I didn't think y'all could cook. You are a lot more civil than most normal people I know."
He must of realized how I could have taken what he said because he instantly tried to correct himself.
"Not that you ain't normal!"
"Dude, chill. I'm not gonna ride your dick over that. People say shit they don't mean all the time, and I'm only going to have a issue if you keep doing it over and over again."
"Thanks."
He was lost in thought for awhile, just sitting there eating the meat I would pluck out of the oil, before talking again.
"Hey, in about a week or so...'
A giant shadow which blocked out the sunlight interrupted what he was about to tell me.
I looked up to see a huge bird.
It looks kind of like an osprey, but sized up to around twenty feet from beak to tail, and sporting a seventy foot wingspan.
"A roc!"
He exclaimed.
"You mean like the bird Sinbad fought?!"
"Who's Sinbad?"
Oh, right, he's from my world.
"A famous lizard sailor from my home."
"Wait, you're from a place where there's a bunch of smart murderous lizardmen?!"
"Don't worry, most of us are upstanding citizens."
"Most?!"
"Anyway, I thought it'd be bigger? All of the stories I've heard said that it would block out the sun."
"Of course it's small, it's just a juvenile."
Maud said coming up from behind me.
"That thing's a baby?!"
She gave me a weird look.
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"How big do those motherfuckers grow?"
"No one knows. Legend tells of one so huge that a entire civilization is on its back."
Wow.
Shut up Patty.
"How do they stay in the air? They're massive!"
"Huge air bladders in their bodies that they fill with gases that make them float. In the entirety of their lives they barely flap."
So, they're basically just big blimps.
"If we had a death wish, we'd try to bring it down to sell its bladders. But we're not that stupid, and we don't want it to flap its wings."
"Why...."
In that instant the bird looked in my direction, and I got a zap.
Like I got tazed.
"Ow!"
"What's wrong..."
Cees started to say, but was interrupted by the bird.
Kak! Kak! Kak! Kak!
All of the color drained from their faces.
Kak! Kak! Kak! Kak!
Flora, Jurea, and Eric ran onto the deck.
"A ROC?! IT'S TOO FAR NORTH!"
Flora yelled.
I was about to ask why everyone was so terrified when Maud started screaming at everyone.
"ASH GET US OUT OF HERE! CEES, HAI TAKE THE LIZARD, AND GET TO THE DAMN BLADDER NOW!"
Kak! Kak! Kak! Kak!
Cees took off with an Asian dude - with me in tow - to the back of the ship.
Once there Hai started winding up a huge wheel with a thick rope attached to it.
Cees point to a two sided water crank.
"Help me pump!"
He ran over there and started pumping like crazy.
I joined him in pumping, and with my strength was easily out doing him.
"Go help Hai!"
Seeing I had it handled, he went to help Hai.
Kak! Kak! Kak! Kak!
As I was pumping I noticed that the back end of ship was lowering deeper into the sea.
The tilt was starting to be real noticeable.
Kak! Kak! Kak! Kak!
Arjun booked around the corner to where we are.
"The captain says drop the hammer!"
"Is the rigging down?"
Hai asked.
"She said we don't have time. Do it now!"
Cees looked over to me.
"Hold on to something!"
Wait, what?
Both of them let go of the wheel they had wound up.
A second later the ship shot forward at incredible speeds, and I was flung onto my back.
I voided my stomach, and the puke landed onto my face.
When the ship slowed back down I got up, and looked at the roc.
It was still making noises, but it was farther away.
We had traveled well over a mile in those scant few seconds.
"Shit! We're still too close!"
Hai yelled.
"Quick, we have to reset the bladder!"
Cees grabbed him.
"No, we got tie ourselves down! Come on."
They took off toward the front of the ship.
I know I should follow, but I can feel the mana coming off the roc from here. I need to see what happens next.
Shut up Patty.
After the roc had gathered enough mana into its wings, it flapped.
That one flap sent it flying forward at speeds a jet would have trouble keeping up with.
What happened next was the true problem.
As science class teaches everyone who bothers to listen, every action has a reaction. And what a reaction.
The sheer force of energy pushed the water in, forming a crater, it collapsed on itself forming a spout that reached over a hundred feet into the air, then all of that water followed Newton's most important law - what goes up must come down.
The water came crashing down forming huge waves coming at us - and every other direction, but why would I give two shits about that!
And I'm not talking about small twenty foot waves either, no, I'm talking about fucking TSUNAMIS!
I booked it to the front of the ship.
Most of the crew was tying themselves down with rope, and Flora was praying.
Wait, what?!
My head snapped back to Flora.
"Any god up there please, please,"
I guess what they say about near death experiences is true. It draws you to religion.
"Please know that I blame you assholes for putting me in this position I don't deserve. When I ascend, and become your Supreme Overlord, I will ass rape you all. Fuckers!"
She flipped the sky double birds.
Well, I know where she's headed, and I know as sure as fuck it isn't heaven.
I turned my gaze to the helm in time to see Ashera turning the ship towards the impending doom!
I sped over to her.
"What the living fuck are you doing?! You're supposed to be sailing away from the death waves!"
"Like, no. We, like, didn't make it far enough. Our, like, only hope is to sail straight into the waves!"
"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard! You don't sail toward death!"
"Could you, like, shut the fuck up! It's, like, taking everything I have to control the water directly around the ship!"
The first big wave hit us.
The water crashed over the deck, soaking everyone, but none were tossed over board.
The sea was battering us all like wack'a'moles, each wave felt like someone was taking a sack full of rocks, and beating you with it.
"Like, dig your claws in. We're about to hit a big one!"
Ashera yelled to me over the crash of the sea.
"Wait, we haven't been hit big ones already?!"
I yelled back as I did as I was told, and stabbed my claws into the wood.
"Ha... Hahahahahahaha!"
As she was maniacally laughing, it felt like ship was going to capsize!
"Big? No, we've been plowing through, like, wee little twenty footers!"
She kept on laughing.
"How can you laugh when we are all about to die!"
"I ain't gonna die, I can breath underwater!"
How is that fair?!
Wait, can I breath underwater?
I felt a tad bit of energy leave me.
Thank God!
Shut up Patty! I didn't ask you that!
Dear God, let me live! I went to church at least every other Sunday!
...
...
...
Okay, fine! I didn't go that often, but every time I thought I was going to die I had you in my heart.
Shut up Patty! Can't you see that I'm trying to convince God to save one of his very pious children?!
Once again, shut up Patty!
"Here we, like, gooo!"
Ashera yelled as a fifty foot wave rose up in front of us.
Oh, sweet Lord, I swear I will build you a church on this God forsaken planet and fucking attend it if I live!
The wave crashed down upon us, then another, and another, and....
_________________
Fourteen.
Fourteen fucking hours! Hours riding those waves until it died down.
I wonder if I actually have to build a church?
Boom!
The crack of distant thunder gave me my answer.
I will make sure to ask Emira to do it once we get back home.
All of the crew are waterlogged, but extremely joyous.
Jumping around, and hugging each other.
"Why are y'all so happy? We almost died!"
I said to Maud.
"Why? Because we lucked out big time!"
"You call any of what happened to us lucky?!"
"It warned us."
She stared up at the sky.
"I don't know why, but if it hadn't..."
The image of the power it took to fuck up the sea coming crashing down on our heads popped up in my head, and I quickly shook my head to get rid of that thought.
It would not have ended well for us.
"Well, I'm headed to my cabin to dry off."
Flora loudly stated, even though no one asked.
"And, yes, I'm fine. No need to ask if I'm okay."
She stared expectantly at me.
In return I looked at Jurea.
"Hey, Jurea, Eric, and Lyra; y'all okay?"
They all replied in the affirmative.
Flora angrily stomped over to me, and punched me in the arm.
She glared at me.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot."
I grinned in her face.
"Hey, Cees, you doing oka...umph!"
Flora slugged me in the gut, and ran off to the cabin.
She is the reason we are on this ship in the first place!
"I'm okay."
Cees said to me.
He looked around to make sure no one was listening, before leaning in close to me to whisper.
"In about a week, they're gonna try to kill y'all."
He walked away before I could say anything.
Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate him sticking his neck out to warn me, but...the whole situation is a no shit Sherlock kind of situation.
I already know that.
The least he could have done is tell me how they are planning to kill us.
Because it's not like they can do it themselves.
I could kill them all barehanded.
Something more important than that popped into my head, and I ran back to where I was before the roc appeared.
When I reach my destination I dropped to my knees in abject heartbreak.
"Why God, why?!"
The crew gave me yet another round of strange looks as I yelled at the sky, but I didn't care. After all, the sea had stolen my food. Pot and all.