When I returned home, it was too late that I could barely find some time to rest. Mom enquired "how was your first day dear? ". "Simply awesome ", I replied. I could see the arrival of a sudden smile on her face, may be because I talked to her calmly after a long time. I knew, I wasn't an obedient kid. My character was so rebellious that the obvious answer she expected to her question would be "Can you make it amazing if it was terrible? " Because that was her child - too short tempered. Seeing her smile, made my heart melt. I thought of myself, how many times I have irritated her. But still, she dares to ask me how was my day - the only person who asks me how was my day.
In life, each time you face someone, you realise one thing or another. I knew my heart was at most peace when she smiled. May be she was also shocked by my good attitude. But I wasn't planning to be an ideal kid for ever. I was happy that I managed to behave properly infront of my Mom for at least that day. 'Behave properly' was one among the top advices my Dad used to give me those days. I was always at a 'don't care ' attitude. I knew I was wrong many times. But I was never willing to accept that. Sometimes I was like 'it is better to die than to accept this'. Everything regarding my attitude was wrong.
I still remember the day my Dad took me to a psychologist, asking her to give me some advices because I wasn't at the right path. The first question I faced with was, "are you stuck in any affair? " "hell no.. ", I said. "Do you have something to tell me? " "No". "Your father told, you argue with your mom every day. Why is that? " I took a deep sigh and replied, " I feel like she arise questions just to irritate my conscience. I am really tired with the way, not only her, but everyone interacts with me. " "See Neha, these are all...the same problems a teenager faces. All you have to do is, be patient and be bold, that you should decide, I don't care if anyone irritates me, I am just looking after my own business. ", I accepted her words with a long waving of my head from let to right twice. She asked me to close my eyes and finally she said to imagine that all my worries are blown away in a red balloon and that is fading away from my sight. She asked me to open my eyes and enquired how did I feel then. "A bit sleepy ", I replied. She closed her lips so tightly and I watched her rolling her fist. Her anger level was increasing, I understood. I left that dark room when she asked me to leave. My Dad was also angry. I asked him directly : "are you sure, you are angry because it was of no use to me, or is it because a huge amount of fuel was wasted because of me, travelling this long distance?". He shouted at me asking to shut up. Glancing him with frowning eyebrows and widening lips, I entered the car to travel back home.
Lying on my bed, thinking about the warm first day and reminiscing some old memories, I was thinking... 'some memories are so good that it is hard for you to let it go'. I thought, it would be great if I remember all these things after so many years. I moved towards my Dad's room and took away a new good looking dairy. I tore off the few pages which had some of his bills and accounts. I knew that would create another problem but I just continued. I went back to my room and thought so hard about this little thing's name. I remembered the famous kitty dairy. I wanted to name mine too. The only name that appeared in my heart instantly was 'Fab' and I named it so. I wanted to capture my moments by words that... when I read later, I can feel the same happiness and warmth I experience 'now'.
My fingers rushed to the first page. There was a seat for my photograph and I was in search of a beautiful picture of mine. I failed to find one. I got angry. I threw away all my things, searching for a picture. Hearing the mess , Mom interrupted "Neha, why is there a huge mess? " I closed my eyes, sighing. "A photo.. I need my photo ",I said. " Is that this urgent that you are creating a huge mess here? ", she asked. "Get out Mom ", I closed the door. I wanted something at the very next moment I wished for it. The attitude I showed earlier wasn't the attitude I had 'now'. Yes... it was changing in the blink of an eye.
After searching for almost an hour I found a photograph of mine, but not that good. It had some patches and scratches at the corners. Still, my heart was at ease that I could find one. I pasted it on the dairy. I filled up all the other details. While filling up the portion of my zodiac, I thought of browsing about 'Sagittarius'. I did and I was surprised. From that point, I believed that those scary changes in my attitude was due to my zodiac sign. When I completed the first page, I started describing my first day of eighth grade to the best of my ability. When I wrote each statement, I could go back to those moments and smile happily like I was retaking the moment. But when the evening session was completed, I felt bad about describing how I spoke back to my Mom and how I made her angry during the night. 'What happiness will it give if I reread the fight with my Mom later? ', I thought myself for a moment. 'So it's a good idea to become better. I can make the words in my dairy beautiful. And I can experience a beautiful feeling about my past. ', I laughed out loudly, uttering these words to myself.
I knew my behaviour was a bit strange lately. But I couldn't think of ways to improve it then. I closed my fab and jumped over to my bed. Closed my eyes, deciding 'I will be a better person from tomorrow. I will make my fab proud, giving it beautiful expressions'.Those days what I used to dream was, meeting my fiction idols and having fun with them. But that day, I couldn't sleep at first. I was thinking over and over about that weird evening. How beautiful would be my life, if I wasn't a patient suffering from short sight. I could see that person clearly. I could give a reply to him any time. May be my life would have turned like I dream of, like happening in those fictions. I cursed my poor sight and slept.
It was raining heavily. The drops touching the metal sheets outside reached my ears. My heart was beating faster and faster. The night was so dark that I was scared to death. I can't see anything. I heard the voice of running water. I thought I had forgotten to close my tap tightly. I went to the bathroom, my torch light directing me. I reached there and found no running water. I became so frightened but I felt it so embarrassing to shout out, because my parents thought of me as a strong girl. Even at times like that, I wasn't ready to compromise my image. Suddenly, the light on my hand turned off, due to low charge. I ran back to my bed. And I got hit that I could feel a bruise over my forehead, when touched. It was so sudden, that someone appeared before me and put a medicine on my forehead and gave me a massage across the bruised area. I thought it was Dad, unless and until I saw the red and blue blinking signal on '1:00 am'. 'It's you.. ', I shouted. The power was on instantly and I could see the vanishing of a tall guy, who was nearly 6 feet and and had an average weight, with a fair skin tone. I couldn't see the face, this time too. But I could figure out some things more, rather than the first time. "Neha... if you do have any intention of attending your class today get up and go, Dad is waiting for you ", Mom woke me up. I realized, it was after a long time I am seeing such a dream. 'After three years, why am I seeing that person?', I thought. Since there wasn't enough time to get ready I paused my thoughts and rushed.
I planned last night, to become a better person. "Dad, let's go", I said. Mom was waving at us, saying good bye. I waved back at her. Thought for a second, and asked him to stop the car. "Mom, I need something spicy tonight". She smiled, encircling her thumb finger and index finger, meaning okay. We moved on. I had a bright smile on my face. And I was so happy. I didn't knew the reason. I felt so warm, may be because of that dream. My heart said, I'll meet that person once again. I didn't knew the purpose. I was sure, I didn't had any intentions. How could I feel something towards someone like an 'unseen illusion '? , that's what I felt. "Neha, dear... ", Dad woke me up from my thoughts, saying we reached my school. I walked towards my classroom, waving a bye at him. I cleared up my mind. 'I need to concentrate well on my lessons. Nothing else. Work hard. Study Well. Fighting Neha... ', I told myself... expecting too many good chapters to write on my dairy from 'today'.
©aysha_nazarudeen