And the day I was scared of... finally came.
And that was the next day.
"Where are you going? " I glared at Jungkook seeing him searching in my closet and pulling out a black cap and a black mask to cover his face.
After putting them on, Jungkook turned around and faced me, wickedness sparkling in his eyes as he started to approach me with small but firm steps. Then leaning his face closer to mine, my breath caught when his fingers caressed my cheek gently.
"I will not stay locked here all my life, my lady, even if it's staying locked with you." He winked at me before burying his hands in his jeans pockets and turning around, ready to get out of the apartment.
"No." I quickly grabbed his arm, stopping him before making another step towards the door. At that, he narrowed his eyes as he searched my face in silence.
"Aren't you aware that everyone is searching for you? Streets are a dangerous place for you. You can meet a cop or something. You can get caught."
"Come on. It's dark outside. No one will recognize me with these on. If I am still talking to you it's because I don't want to be mean or rude. But if this will continue, I will not give a fuck anymore. Who are you to say what I can or cannot do? "
And my eyes started to sting. Damn him and his stubbornness. As well his evil and dirty mouth.
"You do not think about me at all? If you will get caught... "
"I would never say anything about you if that would happen. But I will be fine. Don't worry, noona."
"Did you forget what you promised to me if I helped you get out from there? What were your words, Jungkook?"
_
Jungkook's gaze dropped at that. You couldn't understand what was wrong with him, all of the sudden wanting to leave your apartment.
I will do anything you want me to do.
I will love only you.
These were his words and you knew that Jungkook was aware of his words as well.
"Then you will give me what I need? "
Jungkook trapped you against the wall, his hands placed on the wall at each side of your head.
"Give me what I want and need, and then I will not go anywhere. I will stay with you."
You knew what he was talking about. He wanted sex. Mingyu was right. It was like his body was used with It. It was like a drug. Maybe because since little he was used having contact with someone. Maybe this Jungkook couldn't stay without sex. And this was bad.
"I don't do sex."
"Then what do you do, huh Y/N? "
"Something you can't understand. Something you don't know the meaning of."
You whispered, your cheeks burning in embarrassment under his intense gaze.
Jungkook looked at you hard. But after a moment he started to laugh.
"Please don't tell me that you are this stupid and naive. Because if you didn't have such a pretty face, I would have smashed it against the wall. "
Your breath hitched at that and it hurt. The idea of him wanting to do that to you, it brought an unbearable pain inside your chest.
"Would you hurt me? After what I did and I am still doing for you, would you actually stab me in my back."
"Who knows? " Jungkook leaned even closer towards your face, placing his forehead against yours as he closed his eyes slowly. "Maybe I will stab you looking in your eyes, why doing it in the back like a coward? " Jungkook added before opening his eyes and looking straight at you.
"Then should I stop trusting you? " You asked. You had to. You were scared. You thought that you were always scared around him in a way. It was always this possibility. Him actually hurting you. After all, he was mentally unstable. But you always seemed to forget that for some reason.
"I wonder this as well." Jungkook titled his head deep in thoughts, tracing his forefinger slowly along your jawline, running it down the side of your neck.
"You... What does sex means to you? "
You asked. And damn, you were internally dying of embarrassment. But you needed to know. To know what he felt. To understand who he was. This Jungkook was complicated, confusing. You couldn't read him. You couldn't understand who he was. He himself was split in two. On one side he was kind and warm. Maybe it was just an act. But what about his nightmares? His fears? He couldn't pretend in those moments. You felt his heart beating fast every time, and how scared he was while desperately begging you to help him. But on the other hand, it was this side of him. So mean, so frightening. It was like you didn't know what to expect coming from him. The way he was staring at you with such cold frightening eyes, without feelings, it gave you chills every time.
He smiled at you. He had an evil smile as his eyes analyzed every inch of your face.
"It's just sex, noona. Everyone is doing it. It's something normal. Just a way of killing time. Just a way of giving ourselves a good time. What is wrong with that? "
"It's nothing wrong. And yes, everyone is doing it indeed. But... not everyone is doing it because of those reasons. Some of us is doing it because there are strong feelings involved because we are feeling something for the one we want to be with. "
"Aha," Jungkook raised an eyebrow looking at you like he was seeing another kind of species he didn't see until now.
"Look noona, I understand... in a way. I like you. I really do like you. In a way, I never liked anyone until now."
And your stupid heart jumped in your throat.
"But this isn't enough for me. I told you... I promised that I would love only you if you will get me out of there. I am aware of that promise just like I am aware of your feelings. Because I do feel you. I do know that you want me just like I want you, but something is obviously holding you back. And I can't force you, or maybe I could. But I don't want to. I never forced anyone to have sex with me, and I will not start doing it now. At least not yet." He said as his gaze stopped on your trembling bottom lip.
"But if I promised that I will love only you, that doesn't mean that I can't have some fun with someone else. After all... It's just sex. "
"Then you don't love me as you said." You threw a small smile towards him. "Love is something you can't understand after all."
Jungkook didn't say anything. His expression was serious as he was analyzing thoroughly your face. "No. I can't understand."
"When you love someone, you don't feel the need to be with anyone else apart from that person. Your heart wouldn't let you. Because you would hurt that someone important to you. And not only. It would hurt you as well. So you see? You don't love me. Because it's so easy for you to find someone else."
Jungkook pulled himself away from you. He didn't say anything. He just pulled the cap over his eyes and left you there alone, in your apartment.
_
Love? Jungkook rolled his eyes at that as he was walking around in the middle of the night.
He couldn't understand what you meant by that.
His father all the time used this word.
I love you. Only you.
Jungkook stopped as he remembered.
I would do anything for you my baby boy. I never felt this before towards anyone. Just let me love you. Only this way someone can show their love.
Jungkook was confused. Remembering what his father did to him, he sometimes asked himself if it was right. If this way a parent shows their love for their children. If it's normal. But sometimes he hated it. But if by letting his father doing that it meant that he will be accepted.... then why not? After all, it was normal.
Don't worry Jungkookie everyone is doing it. Even little kids like you. We are not doing anything wrong. If you like someone, if you have needs, you are just doing it.
Isn't this love you are talking about? If so... then it's something meaningless. Why someone would be hurt because you have sex with another? I will still come to you at the end of the day. So it should be alright. My father did that all the time. Jungkook thought to himself before his gaze stopping on a pretty girl who was smiling towards him.
_
You heard someone knocking on the door. You ran quickly thinking that it must have been Jungkook. You were happy that he came back so soon.
But when you opened the door, it was entirely someone else. And you froze there in the doorway, your eyes stuck on the redheaded boy which was standing in front of you.