He was right, it was a little easier the second time. Still agonizing to cut myself off, but slightly better. The inner moral debate sounds off everytime blood touches my lips. Pleading and justifying to take it all but I know what I want. I don't care if I have the makings of a killer in this new body, I'm never going to stop fighting that instinct to slaughter, even if it feels like I'm dying a little every time I resist.
I stare up at a thousand stars lighting a path back to the cabin. More stars than night sky fill the space above, twinkling like a dazzling blanket of rhinestones.
'Sam, you don't need to trouble yourself. You're practically babysitting me, it's more than I'd ask of my own family.'
I remember our departing words and the look of genuineness on his face, 'It's nothing, I was getting too complacent anyway,' he had said to me as his emerald eyes glittered in mind, 'Besides, I told you, I enjoy being around someone like you, it's a nice change of pace.'
'I mean it, I owe you a favor,' I nod in agreement, recalling the promise I made to him.
'You don't, but if you really insist upon it, I'll think about taking you up on that at some point.' I was pleased he accepted but what could I actually do for him?
My hand strokes the trunk of an old tree as I circle the large column, my fingers roll with the uneven wood, the old bark falling away to reveal young timber flesh.
My index slides along the edge of the cindrylic outline from my pocket. He let me keep his pocket watch for another day as we decided to meet up closer to sunset tomorrow. That way I wouldn't be tempted to wander out of impatience, possibly getting into trouble again.
Being close to Sam helped me feel strong, I liked that and also hated it. The confidence was something I sought after but I disliked feeling dependant on him for it. Someday he wouldn't be there, I would have to find that strength he seemed to give me another way.
I spot the cabin, like a massive hibernating animal resting smack in the center of these woods. A few of the windows glare like the reflective eyeballs of a bobcat, catching the light in a spooky orange glow. Juniper is here this time, I'm positive of that.
Nervousness embeds itself in my bones, infecting further with every step I make towards the front entrance. I can feel that emotional connection between Juniper and I, satisfied is the word I'd use to describe her air. Is there music playing?
A sweet but melancholy tune glides along like a light mist. Its twirling foggy tendrils delicately caressing every obstacle in a ghostly clutch.
I open the door and the melody pours out filling the porch with its rich sound. A sound so thick it drenches it's way into the floorboard. The unmistakable ringing notes from a piano. It's not a recording, someone is free playing.
I drift down the hall past my room as if squarely pulled by the stream of haunting music. The song seems to warp and physically change the appearance of the great cabin. The walls stood more barional than before, the melody boosts the moral of this grand home. The mahogany and alabaster appear more dynamic and proud alongside the regal rugs and tapestries.
The fancy double doors at the end of the hall beckon, urging me forward.
'Come, come and see,' the disembodied voice of the hallway itself seems to usher again and again with a palpable enthusiasm. The doors are inching closer but am I moving towards them at my own will?
I'm in front of the double doors, they loom over like a bird of prey perched from a low branch, glued to my movement with beady eyes. I glance over my shoulder, the feeling of being watched by many eyes is unshakeable, unsettling. The sad but beautiful music rings clear in my ears, flooding out of the bottom of the doors and soaking into the foundation of the space.
My hand gradually slinks forward to grab a handle, quietly forcing it open.
Each press of the piano keys strikes at my soul, I almost feel weightless. It's coating my skin like a ray of soft light from a decorated Christmas tree.
I grimace taking notice of the hated mannequin still resuming center stage. The windows let in a small amount of gloomy, bluish light through the newspaper coverings.
I look over to the piano projecting it's radiant song. The melody continues uninterrupted and powerful as I receive its impact on full blast.
A head of dark hair sway to the heartbreaking tune, her eyes are closed, the top of the piano obstructing the woman's mouth.
The eyes of the pianist slowly open, fixed on me. Bright eyes piercing through the dark room, irises that are frighteningly blue.
I freeze, barely breathing, not able to move a muscle.
The eyes shift focus back on the talented hands gliding along the keys with obvious skill.
"How was your night, did you paint the town red?"
I swallow as her silvery words surf on the smooth solo that continues to seep into my flesh.
"Uh, I don't know if I'd say that."
She looks over to examine my stance again, why does she make me feel so anxious?
"Ah, you're more well mannered than I," she replies as the sapphire eyes shine dangerously, her watchful gaze is unnerving and entrancing. Even so, the piano pieces still flows flawlessly.
I feel a chill run down my spine and I'm drawing a blank on a response.
A giggle sails in harmony with the intriguing piece, I almost jump in alarm. The tempo begins to slow signaling the end of the eloquent song.
"You're much too tense, I don't bite…much, not you anyway," the shape of her eyes narrow, rounding upward like horizontal crescents, I suspect she's giving me a mischievous grin and a light snicker rolls through the room again.
I attempt to relax my shoulders with an exhale, "Did you intentionally track me down earlier?"
"No it was coincidence, this bonding tie we share is new to me as well. It's all very exciting, isn't it?" she glances away thoughtfully, "Your friend doesn't seem to take kindly to me."
I'd certainly says so, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were purposely trying to provoke him, Juniper."
The last chord plays and my body runs cold as words slither into my ear from behind, "Now, why would I do something like that?"
I gasp and whirl around. The piano was still sounding when my wide eyes meet her sapphire ones, she's not sitting at the piano but I didn't catch her move away, she seemed to appear right behind me!
A grin spreads across her lips as she remarks, "You're so skittish, petite."
I get a little angry, is she purposefully trying to scare me? "Stop messing with me! You're always creeping around trying to spook me! And why the hell do you have a mannequin in a ballroom?"
The corners of her mouth curl, completely unaffected by my outburst, her eyes wander to the mannequin, "Ah, this room is so spacious, it's ideal for putting together extravagant wears," she gives me a sly look, "Vintage is making a comeback."
"This is a weird room to sew in. And the light is busted, isn't it difficult sewing in the dark?"
"The light is nonfunctional?" she floats over to the first switch to try it, the lacey details of her dress waves around her body. The bottom poofs out in three tiers, her attire screams time traveler.
"So it is, this one works however," she flicks on another switch I didn't notice last time. Wall lamps light like torches, giving the room a warmer tone.
She comments with a quick rounding glance at the walls, "It may have a different look in the light but it's not difficult to see without it. You can see clearly in the dark, can you not?"
I jump, startled once again! She's somehow standing in front of me like she was there the whole time as I was examining the lights lining the walls, "How are you doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"I don't even see you move! You're going so fast!"
She shakes her head, "Hardly, you're still viewing the world through mortal eyes. You're no longer a mortal."
I raise my eyebrows, "Maybe it's because I wasn't paying close enough attention."
"Then watch closely, I'll move behind you."
She immediately moves for my opposite side, she isn't a blur but her maneuver is so alien as if breaking reality. Juniper's body glides along the polished floorboards gracefully, it didn't look like her legs were moving but they were, her toes that peeked under the waving dress delicately danced across the pale wood like a featherweight ballerina. She was completely barefoot, exposing her tiny feet.
Her long, midnight hair almost seems delayed to her movement and swirls around her body as if alive, a completely separate entity like the shadow of a sea creature.
The slightest change in her limbs, the small twist of her torso, even the sideways smirk on forming on her lips were all apparent to me.
As a human I would never be able to process this, it would have been a terrifying murky image sweeping past. But as I was now, I noticed and savored every detail, I was in awe.
She stops behind me, a complete one eighty, so quick but leisurely all at once. It was definitely fast, but… not, very strange.
Her lively hair takes a moment to settle, grabbing at the air like a curious octopus.
"See, you were able to follow, and in time you'll learn to expand your range of focus," her eyes narrow with a pleased grin as she takes in my flabbergasted expression, "Don't rely on your sight alone. You have the ability to be explicitly aware of all your surroundings," her slender fingers fan out in circle with an elegant twist of the wrist.
I hold up my own hand to examine in the warm ballroom light, flexing and curling my fingers into my palm as I admire the new dexterity and heightened state of being I know Juniper is referring to.
I feel a presence beside me, the breeze from a quick action tickles my face, the orange light in the room shifts just a bit. I contain my shock as my eyes flick over, guessing Juniper is now at my side. She's closer than expected.
She tilts her head with a gentle sigh, "Eventually, I won't be able to 'sneak up' on you at all."
I turn to face her directly, taking in the young woman. She is very slender, though around my height, maybe a little taller than me and if we were judging on looks, possibly younger. I found myself perplexing how such a small and frankly stunning woman could have such an intimidating composition. Although, her current state was nonthreatening, it was a lot like being next to a docile jaguar. Her eyes were calm like fading coals but I knew they could explode into blue raging fire with a moment's notice.
Just like Sam, her deceiving face held traces of experience and wisdom. Taking into account all the new information over the past few days, if I had to guess how old, I'd say she had more than a few decades on Sam, at least.
"Did you," my gaze shifts around thinking about the words I'm seriously about to ask, "Turn me?"
She gives me a very interesting look as her eyebrows raise deviously, "I did."
"Why?"
She stares at me for a moment or two before looking down silently, seeming to go into deep thought, "There was something about you that really... reminded me of myself," I hold back a shudder as her haunting eyes flick back to my face again and her voice grows slightly grave, "It was as if I were watching myself die all over again."
She glances away to reminisce with an intense expression before returning her gaze back to me with a relaxed face, "Although, we are very different," she smiles, "You and I."
I could feel some strange emotions I couldn't really understand flowing off of her like a low tide. It was like standing in a cold, black ocean at night as the waves lapped at your feet. I wasn't brave enough to put my head in the water to see what lay beneath, although this emotional connection allowed that to some extent. I was afraid, I had the sense that sharks were swimming around my ankles in the black pool of her mind.
"Have you turned others?" I ask with a swallow, trying to change the subject, hoping she would stop giving off such ominous vibes.
To my relief, the mysterious ocean recedes back, "No, I've never felt compelled to," her brows furrow, "Well…," she looks up thinking, "I suppose there was one other, but that situation was very different."
"One other?"
"Yes."
Now the dark ocean is back even more terrifying than before like a giant wall of water suspended above my head. A tsunami wave hanging over me about to crash down. I'm scared and I shouldn't ask anymore about this subject but my interest takes priority.
I hesitate, "Where are they now?"
"Gone."
'Just drop it, Ash', "Gone, as in?"
She burns holes into my eyes with a flat look on her face, "He's dead."
My heart drops, the raging ocean suspended in a massive wave above my head becomes impossibly blacker, growing, spreading. I don't sense even a hint of remorse in the darker wave of looming emotions radiating from her. Shouldn't sorrow be somewhere in there?
I'm almost shaking with fear but I obviously don't know when to stop asking questions, I wet my lips gulping it down, "What… Happened to him?"
She looks me over for a decent amount of time before responding, "Why do you ask questions," a dark smile curls on her lips, "When you're afraid of the answers?"
'She's got a point, I shouldn't pry any further, but of course…' I strengthen my resolve demanding with fleeting strength, "Just tell me."
She looks me over, her pitch black wall of a chilling mood is jumble, just overhead, ready to collapse and swallow me up. Her devilish smile flattens into a line and her eyes become colder than ice.
As if a lifeless statue suddenly gained the ability to speak, she gives me a response, "I killed him."
She turned someone and then destroyed them! Why? My limbs freeze up, I wonder if I broke out into a cold sweat. She said she had no intention of killing me, but maybe she said that to him too. Am I in danger?
Her cool word cut through the ballroom, "What state of mind to you believe to be most lethal?"
My eyes dart up to her face, this is what an interrogation must be like. I stutter, "Wh-what?"
"What state of being? Grief, anger, joy, any singular emotion. Which is most dangerous?"
That doesn't seem terribly relevant, what a bizarre question. I give her a puzzled look and rush to respond as she eyes me quietly like a predator tucked away, ready to pounce, "Uh, I don't know, rage? People do pretty crazy things when they're angry."
"Maybe," she moves in a flash, standing inches from my face. I use all my willpower not to flinch back, not completely sure if I failed to do so.
I forget to breathe. She stares with such intensity that it feels like a violation on my soul.
After making me feel naked with that death stare of her's, she finally remarks, "I believe it's fear."
My eyes grow enormous. She can smell it on me! She doesn't even have to have this extraordinary connection to know how afraid I am. She could cut me down where I stand! How do I shut this nagging fear up?
I close my eyes and prepare myself, "You know I'm afraid. What are you going to do to me?"
A hand caresses my cheek and I draw in a sharp breath from the sudden touch as my eyes shoot open.
She gives me an endearing look as the back of her hand slides down my cheek. Her finger traces to the halfway point of the bottom lip and fall down my chin in a smooth motion. Like a painter brushing details on a canvas with passion. My brows taut with confusion and apprehension.
Her face suddenly lights up like the rising sun hitting the face of a stone carven angel in a still graveyard. Bells sail out of her rosy porcelain painted lips in a soft humming laugh.
Her eyes crinkle further, "I admire the honesty in your face," she looks me over with a soft expression before taking a step back, "Yes, I find fear the most dangerous, because of its unpredictability."
She glides to the double doors of the ballroom, swishing off the light with an uncanny move of her arm.
Juniper opens both doors and looks over her shoulder at me before exiting, orbs illuminated inside her skull, "As I said before, I have no intention of harming you, although, you may find reasons to turn on me."
She turns to head out, "Only time will tell."
I stand there for a moment, my top lip is curled, dumbfounded.
I follow after her, "You think I'm planning to do something to you?"
She keeps walking forward, "I don't believe you're planning to but who can say what the future will hold."
She's being illusive again, I hate it. I dart in front of her to cut her off and blurt out in irritation, "Why would you save someone who might quote end quote 'turn on you'?"
I shut my mouth immediately, I'm a moron. Why am I giving her reasons to reconsider sparing me?
She grants me a look of amusement as she declares, "In my experience, most have the capacity for slaughter and backstabbing. There's a cold-blooded killer in us all."
She looks down thoughtfully and I feel something from her I hadn't before. It's something sad and small like a blue emperor butterfly flying silently under a canopy of trees, so subtle I almost missed it.
"Immortal, mortal, it makes no difference. Even those we trust most may betray us in the end."
I stare, studying her face but I don't see even a hint of grief there, though that tiny, gloomy butterfly of emotion remains.
"That's so cynical and kind of horrible. Do you really believe that?"
The blue butterfly vanishes entirely as soon as her cold eyes reconnect with mine, "It's not about belief, I've lived long enough to witness it time and time again."
I purse my lips, everything that comes out of her mouth opens a slew of a thousand new questions, all I'm asking for is a little clarity, "Look, can you just give me a straight answer or two?"
Her head tilts, showing I have her undivided attention. Where to start?
"You invited me to your home and saved me. I'm not complaining at all, even though it's a bit of a double edged sword, I'm grateful," I start as I begin to pacing without really being conscious of it.
I look over to Juniper again to make sure she's still listening, she is, "With that being said, why me? Was it the fact I didn't want to die? Call me crazy, I don't get the impression you go out of your way for random strangers, not to this extent anyway."
She gives me a sideways smirk, "Does the answer have to be so complex? How do friendships start? With an interest. I took an interest in you and you're still here, so I can assume it's reciprocated."
"Where this relationship will go?" she gives me a graceful shrug in response to her rhetorical question and moves a bit closer before continuing, "As for you not wanting to die, that's not really unique. Most have an instinct to live, reasons founded and unfounded."
I follow her movements as she circles me, digesting the information that's slowly becoming clear.
"What sets you apart and what I found so similar to myself is what you are willing to endure and what you are willing to give to continue living," she gives me a hard stare, like she's seeing right through me, she carries on, "I saw something in your eyes that night that told me the value of your life. Perhaps, I'm wrong and you may not even see it yourself, but I think you'd sacrifice great things just to live. Even a half life or a crippled life. That is something we share."
I look down pondering. I never really thought about it so deeply before, but I think she is right about that. I value my life. As much as I wonder if I should have died and lament some factors of being spare, I'd do everything all over again if I had to. The pain, suffering, the addiction. I would do almost anything to live, even if I pretended otherwise, because I wasn't done. I will not die without purpose, not if I can help it.
I'm not sure what that purpose is, exactly, but that near death experience really put into perspective. I was barely a baby in the world.
I wanted to find love, I wanted to leave my mark somewhere on the earth even if it were small and only I would know about it, to leave something good behind. I hadn't done that yet.
I look back to Juniper who nods as my reaction seems to confirm her theory. So what? She saved me because of my drive to live and out of… "Boredom?" I accuse, sounding more appalled then I meant to, it was just so absurd, "You turned me because of something you assumed we have in common and *boredom*, am I understanding that right?"
She closes her eyes with a chuckle, then looks up for a second, probably realizing it was just that, "Well, boredom may have played a small part in my actions but it was more based on fascination," she places a finger to her lips, then raises an eyebrow as she looks my way, "And possibly… Fate."
That word had come up twice today. Fate.
"Do you believe in fate, Ashlen?"
I'm definitely starting to, "I don't know, maybe," I examine the thoughtful expression on her face, "Why, do you?"
"Absolutely," she claims with rock hard certainty, "Perhaps not everyone is fated or they don't live long enough to recognize it. I'm hoping to… Coax destiny into a different direction."
Juniper stares out a window flooding in pale blue light at the end of the hall, that fluttering butterfly of emotion makes an appearance again.
It appears she's making an effort to be clear but maybe Juniper isn't very good at expressing herself or she's possibly deceiving me.
I think back to Sam's concerns with her motives, not able to tell if I'm a pawn in Juniper's game or if her interest is enough to translate into caring about me in some way.
This connection we have, that seems real. Juniper's emotions were a secretive mess even though I could sense her mild changes in mood. And that small sad emotion that feels so out of place and different from the rest… Is Juniper lonely?
Juniper whispers mostly to herself, "I hope this time is different."
A small frown finds its place on my face. What is the cause of this gentle sorrow? As intimidating and truly scary this strange woman could be, there seemed to be something soft, somber and tender buried here. Something human.
Empathy. I care about that, for some reason that piece of her is important to me.
"You know, I guess, I don't really understand you, June. You kind of left me clueless yesterday but then you're incredibly generous and helpful in other ways," I wave my hand flagrantly about the cabin gesturing her hospitality, "I'm at a loss."
"June," she repeats, giving me a pleasant smile, "I like that."
She's at my side in a snap, holding both of my hands gently out in front of us, a way a friend would, "You feel abandoned? Do you like your hand held through new adventures?" A sideways smirk slides in her face as I feel my eyes narrow. It's playful but also condescending.
I grumble, "Not leaving me completely in the dark would be nice."
"Not much of a mentor, am I?" she admits with a giggle, slinking into the living space near the entry.
She perks up suddenly and her enthused, wild eyes glitter as her neck snaps in my direction,
"Listen," she commands, gesturing fingertips gracefully to her ear, "It seems you are in luck."
My brows furrow as I waltz over to meet her in the living room.
Her grin widens and her eyes sink into slyness, "Do you hear it?"
What exactly am I listening for? I focus as the sounds of the forest bleed into one another. The trees, crickets and animals moving in harmony. Faint heart beats of all different speeds and strengths drumming to the song of the night.
She whispers, "It's getting closer."
What is? I try to listen harder.
I hear it. It's a single heart beat, more rich and desirable than any of the other myriad of racing animal hearts. Drowning out all other sounds.
A human heart.
A flash of a hunch assaults me. Like a fresh memory but this wasn't a past event, it hadn't happened...yet.
The snapping of a neck. A head shouldn't move like that, eyes shouldn't roll like that. The victim's face is unfamiliar but the murderer is. Juniper's tiny hands pull upward, disassembling the man's head, handling it like a basketball. The head twists like a loose screw. It shouldn't be that easy, she shouldn't be so calm. Where? Stranglehold trail. Juniper is going to murder someone on the trail!
I glance around in a panic. I spot June with her cloak fastened around her neck, one hand sweeping her hair out of the collar and the other opening the front door, "Come along, you wanted to be shown the way, here's your opportunity."
"Wait a minute!"
She's already out the open door, I groan before taking off to pursue after her.