I don't remember the walk to Haruka's house, but I remember the agonizing grip he kept on my shoulder while we walked our way to hell. Damnation is a distressing path; you feel like coughing until your lungs explode because the air is so toxic if you aren't one of us it will surely kill you. I won't run away Haruka, I promise so please ease your grip.
"Tell me Arata, where does your masochism stem from? Were you abused as a child or are you just bored?" Masochist? I don't like pain; don't misunderstand he's lying. I don't like it…I don't like it.
"What a good question, tell him Arata about your parents." My body froze up, his tantalizing tone made me sick and my bruises started to throb. Why are you tormenting me, I don't want to tell this man? But his prodding finger dug deep beneath my collar bone made my mouth open without a complaint.
"My parents a-are very upstanding people, so they want the best for me. But when I disobey, they get mad at me." That man didn't look at me with sympathy or asked me to stop in-case it was uncomfortable for me. That man encouraged me to go on, he wanted to hear how I'd suffered.
"Um…They hit me all the time, sometimes with weapons. It hurts but---" I looked at Haruka for some reassurance, but he was also encouraging me.
"I like it." They both snickered excitedly, they are so keen to break my body. I'm scared, isn't this enough Haruka, have I passed your test?
Haruka's house is on the outskirts of the red district hidden behind businesses and dark alleys, at first glance you'd expect a murderer to live there but because that didn't match his face people turned a blind eye. This man stroking my slender waist, is turning a blind eye. This house is old and run down won't he be suspicious. Wait a second…what does he need to be suspicious of? What are we doing I don't understand?
"Arata, go up stairs and take off your clothes." Haruka's voice sounded seductive in the open but I could hear the sadistic undertone, only I can hear what he's really saying.
"Don't have any fun without us Arata, if your good I'll treat you later." This man was going along with it willing; I couldn't believe it. From my perspective this was a rich man looking for some place to vent his frustrations. His brown hair is shiny and neat, and his body is well toned meaning he is well looked after. Maybe he's a prodigy or maybe a young master, if only your parents knew what you were doing.
Obediently, I dragged my feet up the ragged stairs completely dazed as to what Haruka's intentions were, surely, he wouldn't give me to that man. But, Haruka doesn't own me so he can't give me to anyone. It's lonely in here and cold, I want to go home. This was a mistake; I don't want to have sex with that man. Haruka's room held a stiff air, there was something in that darkness which comforted me. I could smell his scent on the bed, it was cheap cologne and sweat but it tickled my nose. My eyes wandered over the stained floor, it didn't look like alcohol or food. I knew that colour, but I stayed and gradually pulled off each item until I was vulnerable and bare.
Haruka was right, I'm too skinny to fight anyone off. I need to get stronger. What is so attractive about me anyway? Is it my eyes? My hips? My ass? Self consciously I studied myself in the bedroom mirror, I was so nervous I wanted to throw up. I was just your casual high school boy but now look at me. I'm standing naked about to have sex with two men. Wait…does that mean Haruka will embrace me?
I shouldn't have been so afraid; it dulled my senses too much, so he caught me off guard. Before I could object two hands slammed my face into the mattress and sat on my back so I couldn't move. I know this feeling; I hate this feeling. I hate being weak, I hate being me. It's going to happen; I'm going to break again.
"You really do like it rough, don't you? Look at these scars, such a shame to taint this beautiful skin. It's like satin." My mind was clouded, and my eyes searched frantically for Haruka. Where are you? Please save me again. I don't want too.
"I know right, it's funny how many times you can tear his skin and it will grow back. Are you comfortable Arata?" Of course, not I'm being crushed by a sadist. My back began to crack and the saliva from my mouth slipped onto the pillow below. His breath and erect penis on my back made my skin crawl until I was trembling so hard the bed shook with me.
"How cute he's feeling it already and I haven't even f*cked you yet. Hey Arata, is this where you want it?" No! not there it's dirty.
"Please, I don't want too…" Haruka walked over and kneeled down until his face was level. In his eyes was pure rage, I couldn't look away from the cesspools engulfing me. Then, he leaned his lips up against my ear and told me what to do.
"Listen closely, your going to act like this is the best thing you've ever felt. Endure it for a little bit would you, if you do, you'll pass the test." Ah the butterflies are back, but how do I act like I like it? I'm going to throw up if he touches me anymore. Tears streaming from my eyes I shook my head at him but in return he gently stroked my salty face and walked away.
"I want it, p-please give it to me." At that moment I drowned in shame, what would my mother say if she heard those words escaping my mouth? Begging a stranger to f*ck me all for Haruka's sake…Yet again, I was violently raped, choked, hit you name it I endured while Haruka sat in the chair smoking his cigarette carelessly. Subconsciously I reached my hand out towards him as tears steamed from my eyes. Why are you doing this to me?
Slowly, I began to lose consciousness as he continued to violate me, but a cold hand woke me up as if encouraging me to stay awake. Like if I fell asleep, I would miss something. I never knew just how right that statement would be. Haruka reached under his bed while the guy was busy messing up my insides and pulled out the same metal pole, I had used to bash his underlings head in. His face didn't move or twitch, it was stone cold like a dead corpse.
I watched as he put his fingers delicately over his chapped lips and waved at me stuck underneath the pervert. Your lifting it too high, what are you doing? Haruka please don't kill me I'm begging you.
"Arata, what did I teach you?" Something broke inside me at that statement, my body froze up as I came to the realization of what was about to ensue. Don't worry I remember my lesson, I'll never forget. With both hands I lifted up my perpetrators head and gave him a loving glare.
"No means no." The sound after that was indescribable, if I could describe it accurately imagine sticking your head in a vice until the overwhelming sounds of shattering bones begin rattling violently inside your head. It took me a while to realize what had happened, when he collapsed on top of me, I thought he was exhausted after drilling me so hard. What is this taste, I feel like I'm sucking on a battery? Huh…why isn't he moving. Your finished right, now please get off me.
"Holy sh*t HAHAHA, I told you it split like a watermelon. Good job Arata, that exactly what I wanted. Oh, I almost gave up on you thank the lord I hung in there." I couldn't understand what was so funny.
"H-Haruka, why isn't he moving?" His face brightened at my question.
"What are you talking about? Can't you see?" I watched as Haruka grabbed the man by his hair and yanked his face up while his brains spilled onto my face, his face looked as if it had melted and I was so stunned my scream was silent. All I could do was watch as those cold eyes glared at me until eventually, I found the strength to crawl away from him and glue myself to the bed frame. The soggy wet sounds that followed when his head hit the floor engraved itself in my brain.
"H-HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD!" I kept calling out as if trying to convince myself maybe he was still alive. Haruka wasn't upset at all, instead he was pretty amused at my reaction. It was the first time I'd seen Haruka smile genuinely.
"No sh*t sherlock, who would be alive after that? Aw you have brain in your hair, you should probably have a shower your covered in cum too. Anyway, what did you think, did I do good?" You didn't just run a marathon or complete the perfect score. You killed him…
"NO NO NO WE'RE GOING TO PRISON, I CAN'T PLEASE JUST KILL ME. KILL ME!" As I cried out in terror Haruka leaned over and kissed me gently trying to contain my cries.
"Shh, everything's going to be okay Arata, you've done well I'm proud of you." Haruka gripped my face and forced me look at the twitching corpse before me.
"People like him deserve to go to heaven, they're always protected my others they will never understand us. I understand you, better than anyone that's why I chose you. You helped me capture the grand prize, sick f*cks like him are hard to attract but you did it effortlessly. Your talented Arata." Ah, there's that praise I've been begging you for, it almost makes the horror manageable hearing you whisper delicately in my ear.
"Why did you kill him, I don't understand…" Haruka sighed and sat down ahead of me covering my naked body with the bed sheet. He wrapped me up in a cocoon and started to explain to me who he really was.
"I'm a hunter Arata and I specialize in killing the strong. I patrol the streets looking for my next victim but recently my visibility has been attracting too much attention, so I needed someone to help me. You're my lure Arata, with that body and face of yours you are f*cking irresistible, but I want you to remember one thing…I'm the only one who can break you." After his speech he kissed me on the cheek and proceeded to drag the still trembling corpse from the room. I traced the blood trail with my finger, I didn't even know that man's name. I feel all giddy inside Haruka said I was irresistible. Does that mean I'm part of the club now?
I sat there for two hours listening to the sound of bones snapping and fluids dripping, even the stench from his corpse traced its way up to the bedroom. I was too traumatized to move. In a way I was a little hurt Haruka had used me to attract his victim, but his kiss still lingered on my lips. Haruka is frighteningly strong, all it took was one solid hit to crack that guys skull wide open. Yet when he kissed me, it was so gentle almost like a soft warm breeze. Without knowing it I would trace the skin on my lips and then get scared in-case the sensation went away.
"Oi, you haven't moved an inch, I'm tired let me sleep." Haruka looked deranged dragging his feet up to the bed still covered in bodily fluids. It was as if I'd imagined the sadistic pervert that was killed on top of me. My stomach still throbs feeling his limp body smash against me as the life left him. That snivelling little kid you see right now has only breached the tip of the iceberg, this goes much deeper Arata so don't cry yet. This is nothing.
"Haruka, can I go home now?" His body flopped onto the bed looking up at me, he looked slightly disheartened.
"Sure, but let's set some ground rules first. If you snap and blurt out what happened here today, I will break your legs and lock you up in here until there's nothing left of you. Secondly, we'll meet twice a week, I'll text you the time and place. Thirdly, don't ever try to get away from me because you can't outrun me or fight me off, we're connected Arata. We both shared a magical experience together today and now no matter what you do I will always be in your head. Plus, you're an accessory to murder so if you want to keep mommy and daddy happy then take my advice." This is how Haruka took my soul and threw it in his own little treasure chest, I was no longer a young normal kid. Now, I was an accomplice and slut.
That night I was so distraught by the whole ordeal I collapsed the minute my feet stepped through my front door. I'd caught a fever most likely from the stress of watching a man get his head caved in. I relayed Haruka rules inside my head over and over until they repeated unintentionally. Sometimes I would mumble those words at breakfast, slowly everyone began to look at me differently. I wonder if they know what I've done. Aoi seems to be very wary of me recently, Haruka told me not to snap. Keep your eyes on your food, don't engage in conversation that only makes things harder.
"Arata, has you fever gone down now?" Of course, I'm not alright, I feel like my bodies dissolving from the inside out. I can't believe he killed him on top of me. Why did Haruka do that?
"Oh, yeah I feel a lot better after some rest." Like rest will fix it, I can't get the smell out my nose and everything tastes stale, why am I stuck in this monotone room with people I can't stand. I miss colour, I miss Haruka. How many days has it been since I last saw him?
"You should take better care of your body little brother, your too skinny. This is why you always get sick." Too skinny? At least I'm not sticking my fingers down my throat so I can fit into my skirt. Your only jealous sister, I see the way you look at me.
"I'm fine.", Arata.
"You don't look fine, maybe we should take you to a doctor.", I can't take it anymore.
"Aoi! How about shutting the f*ck up for once in your life? I said I'm fine so stop pretending you give the slightest sh*t about me. If there's someone you should be worried about it's yourself, your breath smells of vomit and your trousers are still bursting at the seams. Stop stuffing your face like a glutton and go for a run." The look on her face when I snapped was priceless, she looked at me like an alien. Sorry Aoi but your precious little brother isn't here anymore. It's just you and me. Lies are hurtful you know that stupid mask you hide behind is cracking. Can't you hear it Aoi? It's the kind of sound you'd hear as your spine was split in two.
"W-What's g-gotten into you Arata, you've never spoken to me like that before. Are you trying to say I'm fat?" Oh, she looked really upset, it'll be any second now. Go ahead, I'm waiting for it this time. I used to think maybe you'll just let it go and keep your fist to yourself, but I was naïve again. I can see your clenched fists; my face is warm waiting for the connection. I don't feel like getting hit today.
"You little s—" That was the first time I'd struck my sister in my life, I hit her so hard she sprawled across the kitchen floor like a dead fish.
"I'm sorry sis, shhh it'll be okay. You know I would never hurt you so please don't provoke me like that." I was relaying the same words she used on me whenever she was frustrated. You may as well have put a hook in the skin of my neck and hung me in the living room.
"Y-You've been different since that day, what did they do to you…" What did they do? They set me free, that sphere inside my head shattered and now I can do whatever I want whenever I want. It wasn't so bad, I promise you. Sure, my ass hurt for a few days after, but physical wounds disappear. It's the mental wounds that require more attention or the brain will rot away. Eat itself like a parasite, I can hear them scuttling around up there.
"They only hit me a little that's all, it hurt for a while, but I feel better now. Aoi are you afraid of me?" Reluctantly she nodded at me, I wonder if I gave Haruka the same look when he saved me? Actually, I can understand why it infuriated you. That gaze really is pitiful. Alright, I've had enough.
"If you're so afraid then why don't you f*ck off." Wow look at her feet move. I'm not that scary, am I? But I'm your cute little brother, your favorite toy. It hurts you when you run away, if you abandoned me, I won't forgive you sister. Haruka doesn't run away from me. Speak of the devil he finally texts me.
"I'm bored, we're going hunting. Meet me at the usual spot, don't make me wait or you'll be joining our good friend from the other night. - Haruka" Geez, he's always threatening me as if I could leave him. Don't get yourself in a tizzy Haruka, I'll be right there. Haruka doesn't like disobedience the same as he doesn't like waiting, if I was ever late, he'd leave me in the district alone picking up strangers. It was like holding a gun with no bullets, without him there I was helpless. A perfect victim in a wild jungle of perverted horror.
"Oi rat, I feel like a woman tonight.", Haruka.
"Huh?", Arata.