He turned just in time to see her smiling, lost in her thoughts.
He too was stunned, Why is she smiling?
They had been so young then and he was so rich, now imagine how wealthy he will be.
But I can't spend his money... It's not mine! He worked for it. For his son and wife...
Her smile turned bitter.
He stood still, watching her facial expression, it changed from happiness to sadness.
His heart ached. It had been so long but his heart was very much alive, alive, only for her. She was and will remain the only woman capable of stirring his heart.
"Xueyan," he called bringing her out of her stupor.
She spun her head around to face him, he was looking at her with worry in his eyes.
She blinked away the surprise in her eyes and turned away once again.
Soon the food arrived alongside the wine he ordered for, and they both started eating.
She barely ate much, he noticed.
The silence lengthened, when they both stopped eating.
"Xueyan," he finally broke the silence.
She brought out the little bag she had been holding onto, then, passed it over to him.
"This is it... I do not wish to accept nor keep it."
He didn't say anything, merely looking at her.
She pushed the bag forward.
Zhaolin rested his two hands on the table, then, propped his jaw on it.
He smiled, well, not what he usually did but her every action brought smile to his face.
"Why?"
"I do not wish to accept this, there's no reason why."
"Hmm..." He sighed deeply. "I do not wish to take or keep it with me."
Her eyes bulged, "Wh...What do you mean?"
"Exactly what you heard." He stopped smiling, "Why are you rejecting what I gave to you?"
She raised her chin, "Young Master Zhao, we do not share any form of relationship, so why would you offer this phone to me?"
"You do not wish to accept nor keep it, fine then. I will just throw it away." He involved the wine, poured for the both of them and raised his glass at her, she didn't reciprocate so he downed the wine.
"Stop being hard on yourself, and stop trying to push me away. Back then and now, I don't plan on backing away."
She suddenly stood up. "Young Master Zhao, please be careful of what you're saying. I don't want people misunderstanding us. We were nothing but friends back then, but now, I do not wish to continue the friendship nor have any contact with you."
He didn't say anything, his blank expression didn't reveal much either. if I can successfully annoy him, then, he would leave angrily, just like that day.
The other day she was eager to send me away and today? How can I possibly make her feel comfortable around me?
He smiled, wow! Why is he smiling in the midst of a war? She tried hard not to break her spirit.
"OK." He said.
OK? What is OK?
"I will watch what I say from now. But... If I ask you to be my woman, will you agree?"
What in the actual f*ck? He is still going on about this?
"No, I won't agree!"
"Why?"
Why? Isn't it obvious? You're not a free man and me? I'm a mother to a child whom's father I don't know...
"Just like why I wouldn't accept this phone, I don't wish to have anything to do with you."
"Because I'm married?" As if he could read through her.
"No, no... That's not it." Wait, what am I even saying? She looked down at her hand holding onto the little bag. "Whether you are married or not, in this life or another, I do not wish to have anything to do with you."
His pupils dilated. Really?
"Why?" He questioned yet once again.
She was getting tired of answering him, What is with all the questions?
He is asking why? Why? Why? I should be the one asking the questions around here.
"Why? Do you really want to know?" She fired, but he didn't respond. "Because I hate you! I really do hate you."
"Do you know the cost of the word *hate*? You really hate me? If you can give me a good reason why you hate me then I promise not to interfere with your life, no more."
I can give more than a reason.
"You asked me few days ago, why I left without a goodbye, right? OK, why didn't you try looking for me? Why didn't you go all out to find me? You never looked up for me and you still have the guts to ask why I left without a goodbye? Asking me why I would reject what you offer to me. Telling me to stop pushing you away... Tell me, what did you know when I left? Hunh? What did you do? You continued with your life, the life you had before I came, you continued after I left. Listen him Young Master Zhao, stay far away from me. I do not wish to continue whatever it is we had in the past which is friendship... I'm no longer interested! So please... Stop doing all these!" She blinked severally, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall. If it did, then she won't be able to get back up. Her spirit would be broken and that's what she didn't want him to see. He wouldn't be deterred, instead he would come back with full speed. Something she didn't wish for. She has to push him away, as far as he could get. If he were to come into her world again, then she would be left vulnerable. She wants her heart to be only for her family. No matter what, she was determined that no man would be allowed into her life.
She looked him in the eye, but nothing could be detected. He didn't seem affected in any way. What is he made of? Is he even a human?
*
She's quite right about it. But back then... He couldn't do anything. After the school party that day, he suffered a mental breakdown. He had been able to bear it for twelve months, so he stayed within the country. He survived another twelve months after he adopted Zhihao and another, until he wasn't able to take it anymore. His family sent him away with his mother to the states. How could he had thought of her? How could he have wondered what happened to her? How she lived? How her life went... Who would tell him?
*
He smiled bitterly remembering all these. But no matter what, that is not enough reason to make her... Wait,
"Forgive me Xueyan..."
"Forgive you? But you had done nothing wrong. Back then we had been young, we didn't know much then so we misunderstood it all. Now, let's move on with our lives,"
"What about Us?"
"There's no Us!"
He didn't say anything again, merely watching her.