For the longest time, I kept in my heart, and there's a face I see in my dreams, the main actor of the movies my mind creates each night was Joe. And now that I'm awake, the magic is gone.
I onced was walking hand in hand with him one dream, he was walking towards a store full of balloons and flowers, he asked me do I want one?, then the dream became a cliff, we are over seeing this big ocean. Other nights he's an action star, saving me from kidnappers and rapists. He instantly destroys them, and flashes of light , we are flying in the night up to the top of a tower. There would be always, flying, fighting, running, Holding hands, kissing, there's even nights I make love to him.
I read that when were asleep, all our deep thoughts are played in our resting minds. Film like images, of great desires, fears, frustrations, stress induced dreams, health related and even worry. The last person you think of, might also be the one you dream about.
The power of the mind is really tapped only when asleep. The full potential of the brain is in function when we close our eyes, and just rely on the brain cells to restore itself, override, refresh, so when were awake again, the images usually are forgotten. Locked away again like a treasure we cannot get into.
Mine just got opened, like a Pandora's box all my secrets revealed. I shouldn't have ruined my secret and told him my feelings. What did I really want out of it? Will he love me back just because I confessed?
Now I don't have anything. I sleep and open my eyes I don't remember it all. When I do there's no more clear face of a Man, no more than running again, I always fly away and run.Over and over again.
My so called braveness, was too late I guess, it's not valid anymore. Like an item passed it's expiration date. I should have just kept on wishing, and not acting on my desires. I should have kept it a secret.
Why does he have to have a girlfriend always when I seem to have an instinct to confess?, Is the girlfriend really the issue?, or is it Me who is the problem? Why do I keep on hurting myself. Why did I let myself dream like that?
These are what's really in my head, writing at the shores of the beach where there's lights from afar, the parties, and the bars, I left behind a few hours ago. I write his name one last time on the sand.
"Joe", I...love..you...
Then the waves engulfed the letters on the sand, his name, and my secret along with it.
Erased, as it should be.
Mike? what are you doing here?
I live here, I work here I manage a bar, right down the beach on the other side of the cove.
How's you're foot? does it hurt?
I'll be okay...I guess,
Tell me something? why did you leave ? didn't even say goodbye?
I wanted to forget..
Forget about what?
My unrequited love for someone..😞
Oh, is that so...(remembering the time he confessed to me, he liked me two and a half years ago)
I started to walk limping.. he was walking 2 steps behind me...
I secretly love you Francine, for years now, when I told you back then, I already loved you from the start
I stopped and I can feel his eyes on me...
I still don't know what to say..do I leave or do I stay?😰😓