"Aria, are you fucking serious? Are you fucking crazy?! We just lost Kayden! I'm not going to get you pregnant!" Logan yelled before shoving me off of his lap.
Logan walked over to the other side of the room and started pacing. "How could you even ask me that? Are you out of your mind?" Logan yelled once again.
"Logan, do you seriously not want another baby? I mean it would totally help the situation." I asked him. "Of course I don't want another baby! I couldn't deal with that!" Logan yelled.
"And how in the hell would it ever fix the situation?" Logan asked me. "Then we would have a baby, Logan. It would be like nothing ever happened." I said smiling. "But it did Aria! It did! Kayden is dead! We lost him! We aren't getting him back! And having another baby sure as hell won't repair the damage that has been done. It won't make things any better. It will only make things worse." Logan said.
I looked down at the floor. "But don't you want to make me happy?" I asked him. "Don't do that Aria. Don't guilt me into giving you another baby. That won't fucking work. No matter what you say or do, I will not get you pregnant. What would happen if we lost that baby too? Huh? Aria, I can't lose you, love." Logan said as he sat down on my bed.
"Logan, please. I need this." I begged Logan as I walked over toward him. "Aria, sit down sweetheart," Logan said as he patted the seat next to him.
I sat down next to Logan and looked at him. "Aria, I want you to truly think about what you are asking me. We weren't even ready the first go around. Are you seriously ready to be a mom?" Logan asked me.
"Yeah, I was ready in the first place! I wanted Kayden more than anything in the world! I wanted something to love, and something to love me back! I wanted someone who would never leave me!" I yelled.
Logan stared at me. He shook his head. "So that's what this is about. You don't want another baby, you just want somebody you love and who won't leave you." Logan said. I shook my head no as the tears begin to fall.
Even though I'm shaking my head, it's true.
"NO! I want another baby, and if you can't give one to me, then I'll go find someone who will." I said before getting off of the bed and head toward the door. Logan moved in front of me blocking the door.
"Don't you fucking dare Aria, I get it. You're upset. We both lost him. I also know that you think you are all alone in this world, but you aren't. You have me, you have your mom. You have a family!" Logan said.
"Don't ruin your life even more by conceiving a child that will remind you too much of Kayden. I know that if you get pregnant, it will only make things worse. You and I both know that. Maybe it's not the biggest thing going on in your mind right now, but it's pretty fucking important." Logan said.
" I'm sorry Logan, I had no right to ask you. I guess you're right, it's not the right time to have a baby. Especially since we just lost Kayden. Both of us are damaged. And having a baby would only make things worse. You're right, I would only see Kayden in a baby that I would have. And I know it would break me. In my worst fear would be that I would resent the baby. I know what it's like to go through that. I've seen it myself. Please don't hate me for asking you, I really am sorry. You didn't deserve that. And I'm also sorry that we had to have a little fight over this." I said.
Logan walked over to me and looked into my eyes. He shook his head before kissing me.
"We shouldn't be going through this, both of us have made mistakes in life, but we don't deserve this. I'm not saying Kayden was a mistake. But none of this ever should've happened to us. We were too young, I know that there were other kids in life that have children even younger and lose them. But everybody deals with it differently. As I deal with it differently than you. And please don't take this the wrong way, but you are more broken than I am. And I really want to help you in these next few months, even though I know it won't go away in next months but it's me and you always, processing through the past and the future that will probably have some other shit to walk through." Logan said. Logan gave me a small smile trying to make me smile. His smile is contagious. I gave him a small smile as well.
" it looks like free time is almost over, we should head to lunch. Especially after breakfast, I'm starving. I hope they don't give us another sandwich. The sandwiches were awful." Logan said and I nodded. Logan and I both got up from our bed and walked out of the room into the hallway. There were a few other people in the hallway, along with the girl who talked to Logan earlier. As Logan I walk down the hallway she gave me a glare. I rolled my eyes as we walk past her.
" that girl from earlier at breakfast, she's back there. She gave me a really weird glare as we were passing her. She doesn't seem to like me very much, it's not like I really care, but I just don't want her starting anything." I said to Logan. Logan stopped walking and I did the same. Logan turned to me and just kissed my cheek
" don't worry about people like her, she's all alone in here and is just trying to find some attention. And if she tries to start something, there are cameras everywhere. They'll end up finding out that it was her that started it." Logan said and I nodded.
Logan and I walk to lunch, and I was enter I soon notice that we and 3 other people are the only people in the cafeteria. I'm not sure if that was a statement on how much the food sucked here.
But when I looked over to where the line was, which only had about two people in it I saw the food. Ramen noodles. Are they serious? Isn't it supposed to be like incredibly unhealthy? Either way right now, I don't care if they are or not.
And that food sounded amazing having something I haven't had in a long time, mostly because I've heard it was terrible for you. And I only ate the little smaller things. Caring about how much I weighed. Which usually was making me feel self-conscious half of the time.
" oh yeah, good find us a seat. I'm gonna get our lunch. Can you get us some silverware? And what do you want to drink? I think they have milk, water, and small bottles of Gatorade." Logan asked me.
I told him I wanted a bottle of Gatorade before heading over to the seats. I looked around before I sat down to see where the silverware was. Once I noticed it I headed over and grabbed me and Logan two forks before sitting down. A few people in the room were a few guys.
There seem to be no girls here yet. All the guys were looking at me, the guys seem to be all older than 30.
And it was giving me the creeps. I was waiting for Logan came over, begging that he would hurry up. It seemed that he was having a conversation with the lunch lady when I looked up to see what he was doing.
He turned to face me, and he instantly saw that I was upset. He quit the conversation with the lunch lady, and grabbed the food before heading over.
He quickly sat down and asked me what was wrong. I just shrugged and said nothing. But I know Logan can instantly tell if something is wrong. And that is lying.
Logan has always been able to tell when I was lying, except a few times. But I was usually lying about something more stupider, and he couldn't care less if I was lying or not. Usually over a gift or something.
"Aria, please tell me what's wrong. I don't want you feeling alone again." Logan said. I turned to him and gave him a small smile.
"It's nothing like that. Don't worry. Just the guys here were giving me the creeps. I promise, nothings wrong. You need to quit worrying so much. Not every time I'm upset, I'm thinking about jumping out of the window. We haven't gotten to that phase yet. I hope, we don't get to that phase." I said.
Logan just nodded. After a few seconds of each other of looking at each other, we both dug into our food. It may not have been the best Ramen noodles, but definitely was Ramen noodles. It reminds me of when I was 10 years old and coming home after school and eating them.
Logan and I were soon finished with our food, and the next group time was starting pretty soon. After Logan and I finished our food, we both dumped our trays and headed back to where the white couch was. I sighed thinking about the idea of even talking about Kayden.
I was already hating the idea of thinking of him. Logan took a seat on the couch and I sat down on his lap once again. I rested my back against the arm of the couch. In the next few seconds, a few other people started to gather around and take their seats as well. Within a few minutes, Dr.Mansfieled was finally here.
"Hello, guys, welcome to your second group. We have a lot to do today." She said as she looked at all of us. "So, I do know that Cassidy did start with you guys. Now, this group is a little bit different. And so will be today. I want to talk to each one of you, separately today. This will go on for the next few days. When you are not being called on you can do one of two things. One, you can sit here and talk with the others, or go into your room and wait." Dr.Mansfield said.
"Now, the first person going is Aria."