The first couple of years went really quick. Apparently the human mind is going a lot faster and learns very quickly compared to other species. When i was 3, i got a little brother and the father went away after a couple of years. After that, we moved from place to place because our mom needed shelter and of course she took us with her and got us to change schools and kindergarten over and over again. When i was 8 to 9 years old people began to bully me because some people dislikes different kind of people. At the age of 16 i began to live alone. The government gave me and my brother an opportunity to learn and start our own lives instead of relying on our mother. I knew from the beginning something was wrong with this body and it was only till the age of 19 that i clearly could see what it was and how that problem got enhanced. In the eyes of humanity the diagnose i got was called "Simple Schizophrenia".
From 19 till now, i began to suffer a lot. Mental and physical healthy was really hard to keep in check. Somehow the mind was intelligent enough but the process from thinking to actually doing was a too large step. Staying from 19 to 23 felt like at least 2000 years from when i was overseering this planet but somehow it was only 3-4 years and i was shocked. It felt like the only thing i could do was sleep. It felt like all my emotions are gone except the sad ones... which made everything worse. No feeling of happiness or excitement. The one feeling i relied on the most was the physical change. Like getting some food or a loooooong nap. I even smoked cigarettes for some years but it was not the feeling of relief that i needed. Somehow all those 4 years was as if i needed to do or have something that made me happy or absorbed. And that is when i came onto something called cartoon, especially the japanese/Korean/Chinese versions. A story with drawings of the happenings in the plot. Over millions of different stories had been uploaded on the so-called internet and was free to read from everyone on the world who had a connection. I would love to make my own but never started and i had a favorite series but when the author died and the series ended, i could not take it anymore.
My life felt worthless and worse than before i started reading and somehow the sadness was too overwhelming. From this day onward i will release this body of its sadness grief and hardships. If you don't enjoy being alive and can only see downhill then why keep going? To ask someone for forgiveness or see if there is a hope. A hope too great to shine through the shadow of darkness? As this time as an overseer i have never felt more sad than now. But the moment i felt asleep from 10-20 sleeping pills and a plastic bag over my head, it felt relaxing. As if i finally found that one goal that i actually was looking for all those sad teary years but i woke up. The bag i placed before i went to sleep was gone and i found myself free from sadness... Free from feeling the darkness that was inside me all those years. As if i was dead but somehow i could clearly feel that my body was fine. When i opened my eyes i saw absolutely nothing. A white space of nothing, and felt as if i was floating in the air from no gravity.
Silence.
This place was quiet or almost too quiet. Somehow it felt nice but my head kept saying that this was too weird as if this was not the earth anymore. I thought it was a bad dream and i closed my eyes for a minute and then i heard the voice "You don't see as sad as you where before". I frowned but kept my eyes closed. I asked who the person was and i did not get a response. I could not guess if it was a dream or reality, untill i felt a hand on my forehead. Then i heard the person talk more quiet and it was so blissful. "I have cured your illness and fears with sadness so you can open your eyes again.".
I opened my eyes very slowly and i saw ….. A cat?