Disclaimer: I'm usually a neutral person...just that sometimes, the darkness envelops me...leaving no way to return.
...........
HOPE PURPLE PARK-MIRZA!
Yep, that's my name!!
I'm what you people call a mixed-race, a hybrid?
My mother came from a pure Korean line while my father was a half, he was part British and part Muslim, an immigrant in the US.
I know that sounds a bit absurd but yup, I'm the product of that absurdity!!
My parents fell for each other at first sight!!
If you have read any cliche-romance, you should know what would have happened next, right?
Denial of parents, ostracised by society, a love that went through storms and tides but finally, like every other story, they got their happy ending...more materialistically, it's me!
It should have been a 'Happily ever after' but that only happens in fantasies, not in this 'dog-eat-dog' of a society!
After I was born, their differences arose, as the pink-glasses filter was destroyed by my loud wailing voice...haha.
Reality gave them a heavy slap.
Life cannot be lived only with LOVE in it, and that too a love that almost seemed out of a fairy tale setting.
My mother suffered from depression, well, my father left her alone in a place where she had no one, no one to rely on, but then again, he was not at fault too. He was the sole bread-earner of the family, money doesn't come from 'money-tree' or out of thin air, right?
Long story short...my mother fled, she went back to her motherland and then everything fell apart.
My father was either busy doing work or drinking or staying outside day-in and day-out until he found his 'true' love.
It was when I was 3 years old and was already malnourished beyond recognition, because of neglect, that my life took another sudden turn.
My father brought back another mother home, but not to worry, she was a very good mother to me nothing like the 'known' step-mothers!
I was deprived of love since birth, and my father was the same since mother left him so, my new mother was both of our lives Oasis...well, that was the ideal trajectory.
After all that, my life went smoothly, or so I'd like to say but let's face it, everyone has ups and downs in the space of life, right?
In my case, I was severely bullied because of my 'unusual' eyes which made me look like a Korean and 'they' called me names...some called me a wild child and another said that I was picked from trashbin because I didn't have notable similar features with my father and 'mother', I won't say I didn't feel anything but I have been a recluse since forever, except for making the walls that surrounded my heart larger, there were no other changes, or so I thought but it seems I became an introvert, I suffered from ADHD and often had anxiety bouts so much so that, I had to be home-schooled...
Fast-forwarding a little bit into the future, I'm 20 now!
I'm at the age where I truly become an adult, an age where I would experience love, no more infatuations~
As sad as it may get, I'm still that recluse nerd with the self-esteem of the size of a PPLO.
On a side note, I have a little brother now, he is very sweet and cute...everyone in the family seems happy...so happy that.....I...I don't feel needed anymore...I feel like I don't belong there, it is as if, I am just a bystander, everything that I see is through a glass window, as if, I'm not a part of this world.
My family loves me, they treat me so well but maybe that is the reason, I feel like I don't deserve it but at the same time I feel so sad, why am I like this?
Why am I all..... alone?
CRASHHHHHHH
THUNK!
It was a bustling road...there was heavy traffic today but everything seemed alright just before a second...but before anyone could make a move....something terrible happened.
It was a red light for the traffic but the Pedestrians were given a green to go...a girl was walking at the back of the moving crowd. Since the road was a five-lane one, it still took some time for the crowd to cross the road still, everything seemed fine except that at the last moment, the girl seemed to bow down to pick something up in the middle of the road, she seemed a bit absent-minded, but then suddenly the traffic-light turned green and a truck, [Yes, it's a TRUCK!] came crashing at a speed beyond the said limit and the next moment, the body of the girl flew up and then came crashing down...everything turned silent...as if, a silent prayer for her death...for her young soul to rest in peace...forever.
...........
Hello!
My name is Hope, I was supposed to be the ray of hope for my parents' love but even before I could distinguish them, they had lost that hope.
My middle name is Purple, a colour that represents love and novelty, something that my parents needed for themselves but I guess that was lost in the turmoil of the game called LIFE.
My birth became a curse and I, the sinner....maybe, if I wasn't born, my parents would be still together, I couldn't help but ask myself that question since forever...
If I was not here everything would have been different...
This world wouldn't care if someone like me was not here, well, it will still rotate like it did yesterday...
I was never needed for this storybook, I was always the mob....or so I thought.
But you see, life played a huge joke with me.
I didn't commit suicide, as many of you may be thinking along those lines, I need you to stop that way of thinking...but I won't say that I never thought of it, now that I died somehow or the other, it is true that...I didn't want to live anymore.
In a way, it's as simple as giving up on my life just that, the trigger was the great LORD TRUCK!
A joke...just like my life...
As I completed reviewing my life in a nutshell, as I was dying and everything had turned grey, or maybe black...I don't know, but it seems like I hear someone calling for me.
"Papa?", I'm sure this is my father's voice.
"Papa? Is that you". I screamed a little...I felt like I could hear a nasal voice, it felt like someone was crying...was it mother?
I, who had no idea of even where I was at the moment, for the first time in life wanted to hear that voice again...wanted something again.
But nothing came out of it...
I wonder why I'm still like this, I thought I had given up on my life, so then why do I feel like this...
I think I'm hallucinating..... an auditory hallucination.
I am already dead, right?
How can I hear his voice?
"Eh? Papa?"
I am sure that it was his voice but where is he...?
'Lub-Dup'
I felt like I heard my heart, actually, beat for the first time in my life...IRONIC, right? I was dead, wasn't I?
"What is this? Why is it so dark here? I don't want to stay here anymore!"
'Lub-dup'
"Papa, where are you? I'm alone here.....it's so dark in here...PAPA...Papa!!!..."
I felt like my voice was fading away.....
"No...I don't want this!!!! I don't want to die!!"
What came over me, I wonder?
I guess, no one in this world actually wants to die...sometimes its fate...in some other it's circumstances...I wonder what it was in my case...
Even though I want to live and try living once again, even though I want to start anew...I guess, not everyone gets second chances..or maybe, that too only happens in fairytales.
I wonder..why me?
What did.....I....ever do wrong?
"No, please.....NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-------------"
I wish...someone, anyone could save me...please.....
'Lub-dup---piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'
She was declared dead.
In the hospital room...
"Why is her body so cold?", her father had a breakdown.
"Hope, my baby. Why are you quiet? Oh! It seems you always were like this but why are you still silent even when my tears are trickling down? Why won't you reach out and hug me, like you did when you were a baby? Why aren't you, your usual self? Do you hate me that much? Why don't you answer me? Why are you so blue? Why won't you wake up? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Please stop acting and wake up already. Please, Hope, I'm begging you...please, wake up. Don't leave your Papa behind", his voice was hoarse...
He was feeling helpless.
He knew his child was a bit different from others but he did what he could, or so he thought.....but it seems he had neglected her, she always looked distance and aloof, but he thought it was because she was growing up, he thought it was her personality....it seems he was wrong.
Ward boy to Jay Mirza: "We need to take the body to the autopsy room. Can you please move aside?"
Jay was still in daze and it was hard to accept the fact...the fact that his child was not there anymore, he may have neglected her in the past..but he still loved her...but now thinking about it, after his first wife left her, he had sub-consciously neglected her...because, HOPE reminded him of 'her'.
"Hope is not with us anymore", he heard his wife say in a throaty voice...she has been crying with him too...she has always been more of a mother to her, more of a parent to Hope than he ever was.
"What are you talking about? She is just playing with me", he still couldn't accept reality..rather than telling her off, it was more like he was hypnotising his heart into believing it.
"Please, Jay. Don't be like this. These ward boys need to take her to the autopsy room, you need to move away", she persisted.
It was not that she was being heartless, just that this won't do...she had just lost the daughter she had brought up, her 'first' child, and she didn't want to lose her husband.....
"Autopsy? Why? She is not dead. She's just playing around", Jay refuted and turned back hug the motionless body...but it was too cold to be alive...reality hit him hard...too hard...
He felt like a heart-wrenching pain, as if, someone was hammering nails into his heart, one after other, he felt suffocated....he was short-of breath....he felt parched but he knew..he couldn't keep her with him anymore.
He finally fell on his knees and broke down to tears and loud wails...
..........
The report came out...
Though the cause of her death was as expected, the report found that her blood had a high content of Anti-depressants...
They were shocked....too shocked...
They never knew...that the child was-----
If the time would rewind, they would help her, love her...but
'FATE STOLE THE POSSIBILITY, ONLY LEAVING BEHIND THE OUTCOME'
MAYBE EVERYONE WAS AT FAULT BUT MAYBE, NO ONE WAS WRONG...
THIS IS LIFE, AFTERALL...
She could have asked for help, but she chose to stay silent...maybe she thought she was abnormal...
They could have been better parents, but they thought that it was fine to be like that....
Let's pray that many "HOPE"s like her, are not lost.....to fate....
Let's be the first person to make someone believe that #WE_ARE_HERE_FOR_YOU.
#LOVE_YOURSELF.