⚜⚜⚜
WARNING!
Triggering violence ahead! You have been warned!
⚜⚜⚜
𝖝
THE PLEA
Tessa and Stella's dire state on that night flashed vividly before my eyes. Their cries and pleads for me to escape rolled out like a cinematic tape inside my head, torturing me once again. A stinging pain shot through the right side of my abdomen and for a moment, I felt like being stabbed all over again. It was as though it was trying to instill some guilt into my system.
I've got plenty of those.
I was a subject of a failed assassination, Sumire said. I didn't understand very well, but that just got me hard. Then does it mean, I had gotten them killed in my stead? But how? Why? What did I do? What did those two do to deserve such inhumane intended for me? What?
Somebody. Somebody tell me what.
"Milady, let's get you inside now. You'll catch a cold if you stay out here for long." Lucas's voice behind, full of concern, broke the torturing silence in the garden.
What had happened after hearing those words from Sumire passed by like a blur, rendering me completely off balance and out of myself. I just sat there with my mind traveling somewhere else, not minding the calls of those sharing our table or those men who had approached me, and asking for a dance.
I was not even sure how I ended up sitting on a wooden bench in the middle of a garden. I was not sure how . . . I was too occupied thinking nothing and feeling forlorn while watching the half-moon hid behind the distant hills. The scenery made me feel so empty yet again.
"Will the manager get you reprimanded after I ditched the party?"
A soft cold breeze blew by, making me shiver. Just then, something was placed on my shoulders warming me up somehow. Lucas's woody scent hit my nostrils as I realized it was his coat. That made me feel better somehow. It was just a simple gesture of kindness, but my vision started to blur as tears started to well up in my eyes. I took a sharp intake of breath, fighting the tears from falling.
"It doesn't matter if he will, milady. You're not fond of such festivities, anyway."
That remark earned a halfhearted chuckle from me. Wrong move---beads of tears escaped my eyes. I quickly wiped them off my cheeks.
"Lucas Zarek," I started, shaking my head in amusement.
"Yes, milady?"
"You really amused me."
Though I couldn't see him, I can more or less presume that such a statement rendered him speechless for a second.
"I . . . I don't know what to say, milady."
You don't have to.
I scoffed. "How did you even know that I'm not a fan of parties?" I got on my feet and turned around just in time to catch a glimpse of hesitation written all over his now stoic face. "You seem to know me too well, huh? The room I'm staying at right now. Did you know that it exactly looks the same as my room in my friend's ancestral house? The funny thing is, Stella, neither managed to step a foot nor took a peek there 'coz she said that rooms in attic remind her of Sadako." I bitterly laughed at the memory.
"And Dundee," I continued, "the last time I know, Tessa's step-mom took him to an animal center 'coz she can't bear to see things that would remind her of her husband's first child - even burned her stuff. Such a bitch, right? If only I'd woken up earlier before that, I will take that poor dog under my care. But I just woke up here, the morning after my arrival, and surprisingly saw him there lying by my feet. I even thought that what happened a few weeks before was all just a dream. Crazy, right?"
"Milady . . ."
"And remember the day I arrived here? I clearly remembered the words you said; 'We finally meet here, my lady'." I connected eyes with him, who just stood there, unmoving. "But aren't you the same guy I've often exchanged smiles with at the university before?" I bit the inside of my cheeks. "Weren't you the one who was there that night?"
One . . . two . . . three . . . four . . . five . . . six . . . seven . . . eight . . . nine . . . ten . . .
No response. Not even a hint of a reaction.
I unconsciously bit my bottom lip; so hard I tasted my own blood. "Will answering such question would get you into trouble with the manager?"
Still no response. Still not a slightest of damn reaction.
I sighed audibly and walked past him. "You don't have to say it. After all, silence means yes."
Hold it. Hold it! I chanted over and over again in my head while trudging across the lobby towards the left grand staircase.
As much as I wanted to use the elevator to get to my destination real quick, a circle of chatting men in tuxedos was standing just a meter away there changed my mind. I could even feel their sharp gazes piercing through my bubble of comfort zone as I stepped on the first flight of stairs. Pretending it didn't bother me, I held my chin up. I bit my bottom lip, forbidding myself to shed a tear that was now blurring my vision.
"Milady . . ."
It was a soft and gentle call from behind. From Lucas Zarek. It was almost a whisper, but I was still able to catch it despite the distance. Worry lacing his voice and that . . . that was more than enough to bring me to tears as I continued my ascend without daring to look back.
I couldn't let him see me yet again in my weakest state. Not anymore.
But you know deep down that you could trust him, right?
Yes. And that mere thought frightened me even more.
I didn't know how I made it to the familiar empty hallway of the sixth floor. Once I spotted the wooden oak door of my room, I quickened my pace almost tripping up on the dark-red carpet.
Rich tears flowed freely on my cheeks the moment the door closed behind me. I sauntered towards the bathroom and locked myself inside.
"You were a subject of a failed assassination months ago."
Stop it . . .
My knees gave in and I fell on the cold floor. Loud sobs echoed in the bathroom as I huddled in one corner, fisting a handful of my hair so hard I felt like they were coming off my scalp. The all too familiar throbbing sensation at the right side of my abdomen assaulting my system made the stinging pain in my scalp just a mere bite of a red ant.
"You were a subject of a failed assassination."
Stop it!
"Leave . . . Leave us! Save yourself, CC!" Stella's cracking voice pierced through my ears and all I could do was sob. She was trying to look tough, but the welling of tears in her eyes betrayed her. "Please, CC . . . Please, I beg you!"
"No, no, no, no!" I shook my head violently, cradling my head between my arms. I brought my knees closed to my chest, burying my head into it. Beads of tears came non-stop, soaking the fabric of the gown.
"Cee . . ." I choked a sob when my blurry vision shifted to the bruised lady at the far side corner of this dim stinky room. Her hands were bounded with ropes overhead. "S-Save yourself b-before it's too late."
My cries grew louder. I cried and screamed until my throat ached.
"You were a subject of a failed assassination."
Tessa . . . Stella . . . I'm so sorry! I get you killed in my stead. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I should be the one!
Guilt, anger, grief. I felt mixed emotions that clouding my better thinking. But one thing for sure, it should be me. It should be me!
With tears still streaming down my face, I unsteadily got up on my feet with my eyes fixated on a particular object sitting on top of a small cabinet right next to the mirror by the sink. Hiccuping, I reached for it, gripping it tightly, and pressed its menacing cold tip to where it should be.
I stared at my messy state in the mirror. Gone was the calm and collected lady before. All I could see was an unstable individual standing at the brink of her end.
"You were a subject of a failed assassination."
Am I?
Yes, harshly responded by a little voice at the back of my mind.
Then let it be.
✴