"You haven't read the files, have you?" she smiled.
"No, Sebastian told me your symptoms but never really spoke about the trauma. I didn't think it would be brought up during our primary session. We haven't created a rapport for you to tell me what happened to you and I certainly don't want to create a plan without getting a detailed note on your symptoms. But I will have to tell you that psychiatrists aren't privy to case files. You'll have to tell me yourself." He smiled reassuringly.
"Have you heard of Alicia Williams?" she asked, leaning forward.
"I believe so. Notorious cannibal and serial killer. Quite a few police officers had to come by and get it off their shoulders." He shook his head. "Were you a victim?" he asked. He must have known. But he didn't let the answer show.
He was testing me. To see if I considered myself a victim.
I juggled my options. To lie and say that I was a victim or reveal what I really thought. I chose the middle ground. "Yes, she captured me from my house after murdering my whole family, including my father who was the lead investigator in the case. She also made me watch as she tortured the subsequent victims and tried to get me involved. I cooked for her. I also ate the same things she did."
I had to smile to stop the real expression on my face from revealing.
"And what did you eat?" No, he didn't ask what she ate. He asked me what I ate.
"Humans. Human meat. I ate human meat."
There was silence. It took a moment for the room to get back into the normal place.
"Okay, that will be all for today. For now, I'll be telling you something you already know. You do have PTSD. There are other underlying issues that I need to discover and help you come to terms with, as well. I'll give a full plan to you the next time we meet."
He scribbled some more on the notepad. "We'll be meeting twice a week for the first few months. Then, as we progress, I'll make the frequency of the sessions lesser. But the most pressing aspect of this is your lack of sleep."
"My lack of sleep?" I raised my brow.
"Your source of protein is mainly from non-meat products and you work very hard. You have a fairly healthy body right now but without sleep, your body will crash. Lack of sleep also worsens the symptoms. Therefore, we need to help you sleep."
"Are you going to prescribe me a medicine?" she asked, frowning.
"I'm not a fan of prescribing medicine when there is no need for it. Right now, we will get you under a routine."
He wrote some more down. "Do you know how a baby falls asleep?"
"From what I have heard, rarely when it is needed." A smile curled at the corner of my lips.
"No," Dr Knight chuckled. "They follow a very specific routine. And that routine basically tells their brain that it is time to sleep. You need to create a routine and get used to it." He flipped the paper around to show her.
"First, don't look at anything work-related or any form of entertainment an hour before you plan on going to sleep. Make your bed yourself and take a cold shower. Follow your night routine to the dot and then lay down on bed and close your eyes."
"Does that help?" I asked skeptically.
"Studies show that it does," he reassured. "You'll have a lot of bad thoughts. Write them down. We'll review them in the next session, but don't give up on falling asleep. Just lay there in the darkness. Listening to calming music or a podcast also helps if you don't look at the screen."
I thought for a bit.
"Anything else that I need to do?" I asked tentatively.
"Do you live with anyone?" I shook my head.
"Is there anyone you can trust and ask to stay with you?" I thought about it for a moment even though the answer was obvious. I didn't know how I would even ask him to stay with me. "I can see there is someone that you do trust but you are reluctant..."
Dr Knight paused. "Okay, I was going to tell you to sleep in the same bed as them for a time, like a safety blanket of sorts, and to monitor you. Think about it. If you do manage, we'll continue with this method, or I'll tweak it to suit you. How does that sound?"
I had to smile. "Perfect."
Now, I just had to think if I could ask Sebastian or not. I took my leave shortly after booking my next appointment with him.
"How was it?" Sebastian asked when I came out of the door.
"It was fine," I shrugged. Sebastian placed the magazine aside and stood up.
"Okay, let's go back, then." His announcement was followed by him heading for the door. I followed behind without a sound. "Something you need to tell me?" he asked after a while.
"So, you know," I sighed.
"Your face is like an open book. I don't need to be a mind reader to know that you are in a dilemma and it has to do with me." His voice was proud as usual. The man really did know everything.
"I was asked to make changes to my sleeping pattern," I informed him. I bit my lip as I tried to say the next bit.
"Ah, so make a concrete routine and stick to it. It works very well," he said. I looked at him surprised, suddenly realizing that he thought I needed reassurance or comfort from him. I had to smile at that.
"Yes. I also need your help."
We had already reached the car. I slid in and watched him walk to the other side. I wondered if he had heard what I said.
"Ask away," he finally said when he had bucked himself in.
I turned to him and with the blandest voice I could muster, spoke the next words.
"Sleep with me."