The cops had no warrants so they sent out a request, this shit was probably gonna be the death of me. It usually took a while for request to get out so I knew I had some time on my hands.
Sunday
I let my mom back into the house, she was going to call the cops. I found the videos of me torturing the guy and after watching it a couple of times I deleted her icloud and destroyed her phone. She couldn't accuse me with no evidence.
I got rid of the body, it sucked, but I got rid of it. I got rid of the evidence, the gun, the knife, everything. The backyard looks like a toe hasn't even touched it. I had to do it on my own, it was crazy that I had to go back to school tomorrow like nothing had happened. I was going crazy.
I left, I took a walk around the neighbourhood. I was losing my fucking mind, I was stressed. I killed someone, I didn't beat them brutally, I didn't torture them, I KILLED them.
I gotta keep it together, I needed someone but the last person I trusted betrayed me.. but that's a different story.. I needed this murder to stay between myself and Lili. I didn't trust Lili I just knew I could kill her and get rid of her easily. Same for her sisters. I needed someone, a distraction, anyone.
I've been smoking cigarettes for a while. I've been feelin' stressed, tryna find ways to impress myself. Showin' others that I love 'em, tryna show them an effort, I gotta keep it together. I didn't want anyone, I had enough. Being heartbroken is so last year, haven't break down since my last relationships. I've been feelin' fine ever since I decided to be alone. In other words-- yeah, I changed my life.
What the fuck was wrong with me? I'm going fucking crazy. I needed to start over, where was I ? WHO was I? What was "I"? Am" I"...I? Fuck this, I run home. My adrenaline often made me feel reckless, not this time. It felt like I needed to cry, to scream, to fight. Anything to escape the pain in my chest that I was fucking feeling.
I don't remember much of what happened that night, I do remember cops. Cops that drove me somewhere. "Yes, we have Jordan Moore AKA Jay Rodriguez." Is what I heard. Jay Rodriguez was my fake name, I liked it so it became my "name". However, Jordan was a name that stayed. Why was I in a cop car? Why did I pass out? I was laying on the seat so there's a chance I burned something down then passed out because of the smoke. Whatever it was, I had to pretend I was still passed out to hide it.