Chereads / The Rebirth of a Butterfly / Chapter 12 - Regret

Chapter 12 - Regret

He followed her car till they entered the city. Yougal knew that she was aware of him trailing behind her. After they had entered the city, Nia easily shook him off of her trail once they joined the increasing traffic of the City. He laughed at her eagerness to get rid of him so soon after he had helped her. Yougal Lucas chuckled, as he remembered the morning's events.

She was one hell of an interesting woman. Nicholas' fiancee Rhianna possessed killer look. Nia was different. There was a certain serenity and fragility about her that tugged at his heart. She had the kind of beauty which gave him a feeling that one would be equally comfortable in her company both under the blazing sun and the soft, misty moonlight.

The woman's subtle animosity, her fragility and serene comportment, the mocking yet distant glances, everything gave him a sense of Deja Vu. She reminded him of Nirvana. Nirvana would have behaved exactly like Nia if she ever came across him. 'Does Nia knows Nirvana? Where is that woman now, who grandmother had said, was as gentle as the cool breeze, as caring as the guardian angel?"

Yougal Lucas Sinha never had the opportunity to meet and to know her. To tell the truth, he missed the chance to know her and it was all his mistake. He was never in love with anyone. He could have fallen for that woman with a unique name whom his grandma had chosen for him.

He never met his fiancee, he did not have any personal idea about what kind of woman his fiancee was. Her name was that single thing he knew about her apart from the praise his grandma had for her. Nirvana was her name, a beautiful name with a soulful meaning. He was often haunted by that name in the lonely hours of the night. In the past five years Yougal Lucas wished many times things did not turn out the way they had.

Yougal Lucas Sinha always felt that he owed more than a mere apology to that unknown woman, that unknown fiancee of his, who he never had a chance to meet, neither before the day of the engagement nor in the past five years. To be precise, he had the chance, only he was not fortunate enough to avail himself of the opportunity.

'I couldn't meet her even on that day. I couldn't even make it to her home. I disappointed grandma, caused misery to both her and Nirvana.' He reflected with some sadness at how things turned out to be for that unknown fiancee and him.

He had to shoulder the responsibility of managing his family business even before he finished his study. The last two years of his business school were hectic and spent in trying to make time for books, exam and managing a company. After that he just got busier managing and expanding the business. Love could not find a place in his schedule.

Deep down inside his heart Yougal Lucas acknowledged that he had been acting as a coward in these past five years. He should have gone to her long ago, to explain the situation of that day. She was the woman his Grandma wanted him to marry. His grandma said to him,

"You know my dear, her name Nirvana perfectly fits her. Her very company gives one the true essence of serenity in the heart. A young woman with empathy, understanding and beauty, she'll make you a good wife, and a true companion."

Yet grandma did not force him to marry Nirvana. She gave him a few photos of Nirvana which had mysteriously disappeared from his desk in the study room before he could have a look at those. Later he discovered the photos in the waste paper bin in the study in a half burnt state.

He did not know who did that but he had a hunch as to who might have done that. That day he caught Ahana coming out of his study. No one was allowed in his study without his permission, no one except his grandma. He hated it if anyone tried to step in on his personal space as if they had a right to do so.

Yougal Lucas had just came out of his bedroom and was on the balcony to go down to the living room. He was surprised to see Ahana coming out of his study, trying to close the door noiselessly behind her. She almost jumped on seeing him, then quickly told him that she was looking for him.

She looked a little nervous but he thought that perhaps the fear of offending him made her so. Ahana should not have been on the upstair at all. He was never close to her, though she often came to his home and pestered him to go with her to movies or accompany her to shopping trips.

He never complied to her demands. Yougal Lucas was too busy to play around any woman or to run errands for her. At a young age he had to take over the management of a company worth millions of dollars. And no woman ever managed to catch his attention, no woman including Ahana.

That day he did not think much about Ahana's excuse till he afterwards discovered the half burnt photos. Later when his grandma asked him if he liked Nirvana, he just mumbled something in the line that she was good looking. How he could tell her that even before he had a chance to have a look at the photos, someone had burnt them.

That would have caused a big ruckus. Though he was certain it was Ahana, he hesitated to give her away. She was Amaaya's cousin. A few weeks after the incident of the photos grandma set up a date for him to meet her, the woman with that unique name.

He was already half an hour late when he reached the resort where she was waiting with her friend and one of his girl cousins. Before he could even set his eyes on her he received an emergency call from Ahana that she had an accident and she could not contact either her cousin Amaaya or her bro- in-law Mayank Rajkonwar.

He could not ignore Ahana for the sake of Mayank and Amaaya and left without meeting Nirvana. Looking back Yougal Lucas Sinha realized that she sure felt humiliated that day to be stood up on a date. 'I was a fool. I should have met her and explained the situation before leaving. I acted like a thoughtless prick.' He felt regret.

Yougal Lucas actually liked the woman as sketched by his grandma. He was pleased with what he had heard about the attractive stranger and indulged in the idea of having her as his wife. Grandma said,

"Nirvana is beautiful. But she is not what you young people prefer to call ravishing hot kind of, but a soothing, calm beauty emanates from her whole persona."

"Oh come on grandma, you know me well. I don't want a hot girl. I prefer a cool one. Your Nirvana fills up all the required categories for me. Hope she likes me." He then replied to his grandma with a pleased smile on the face. He liked her, that unknown woman from what he had heard of her from his grandma. He felt he had been waiting for her all those years.

Through the floor to ceiling glass window of his office he looked at the tall buildings and at the afternoon sky and his thought travelled between the past and the present. The sky looked like a beautiful artwork with strong strokes of pink and orange on a blue canvas. The glorious beauty of the afternoon sky carried his thought to Nia. Somehow he connected everything fascinating to her.

And somehow his subconscious drew connection between Nia and Nirvana. The antagonism he had witnessed in Nia's eyes threw him into bottomless pit of quandary. Nirvana peeped at him from behind a hazy curtain in his mind. Anyone connected with her would have hated him to eternity. He wondered if Nia was related to Nirvana.

Her eyes seemed to hold in their brown depth mystery of the universe, that was unexplored and unfathomable. What he could fathom in them was the subtle hint of clear animosity towards him. Yougal Lucas wanted to explore further to unravel that mystery and undo the antagonism she had for him. Those brown eyes tugged at his heart and he never bothered to resist their power over him. Whenever he remembered those eyes his heart swayed.

Nirvana was lost to him. He could not go back in time to make things right, though he would like to ask for her forgiveness and explain himself to her. Now that he had met Nia he did not want to make the same mistakes and lose her too. He failed to take the good chance with Nirvana when things were at their present. Now he was regretting when they were already in the past. Yougal Lucas did not want any future regret with this amazing woman Nia.