I glared at him, suddenly feeling a little bit annoyed.
"what? So, are you suggesting me to get used to it so I won't become an addict? Please, I'm a mother of two. That kind of lousy tricks doesn't work on me anymore. I'm not some naive woman who would just spread her legs just because it's for my own good kind of talk." he put both of his hand on his waist, before scratching his head, and tilting it to the side.
"heck, even until now, I'm still having a hard time to read woman brain really well. How did that talk become this kind of talk?"
I opened my mouth until a sense of deeja vu struck me hard. Me and my ex-boyfriend (Ailee and Miya's biological father) were fighting. There are times when I misunderstood him and we fight… and there were times where he misunderstood me and then we fight.. too much fighting caused him to beat me up… until it became his habit to abuse me. Physically and emotionally..
I sucked in deep breath and hugged myself. Letting the chilling fear subside by its own, that is how its always been and how I have to live with. I dropped my head and gripped my arms really hard.
"i'm sorry…"
The whole place become so silent that even the sound of a mosquito sounds like a symphony around the room.
Lost in my past, I felt a touch under my chin. I saw Kuro looking at me straight.
"what did that man did you that broke you to this state?"
"he didn't. I did it myself." yes, in a way… it was my fault the same. I let him broke me.
"i reap what I sow."
"a woman is like a rose. You don't cut them just because they had thorns. You cherish them, so they'll bloom and make your days brighter each passing day. Not all men the same."
I chuckled drily. If only he can hear that. He was the type of man that believe woman should work for the family while maintaining house works. I don't mind that. But when he start to degrade you and said you are lower than a piece of trash just because you've been pretty lenient and tolerant? I'm not stupid to stay still and take the beating forever.
But I had been a coward for too long that when I came out of it, it destroy that part of what makes me, me.
I look at Kuro.
"I don't think men are all the same. I know some guys are good and some are bad.. its just that…the good one, never did choose me. Sometimes, it makes me wonder… that maybe I'm not good enough. That's not healthy for my heart or my mind so I stopped thinking or hoping about it. So, please Kuro… if this is just a game to you, I don't want any part of it. I'm tired of playing games with men. It's troublesome, taxing and in the end, the victorious one always end up broken too."
I turn around and choose my space, dragging the blanket on me, I lie on my side. Not giving him any chance to retaliate or continue this conversation anymore. I had opened up myself enough for today.. it felt like I had deliberately stab the old wounds and leave it gaping open.